What I Find In The Light

Never mind the light, I only need the dark

The truth is truth, regardless of the beholder

The lie is a lie, regardless of the beholder

Vibrating throughout my skeleton is chaos

Ordered and exponential in designed purpose

Humanity seems to think eradicating one

Will enlighten the other, but in truth

One exists because of the order

In chaos there is order because it is planned

Order can be chaotic without understanding

And interference only widens the chasm

The light blinds, but the dark constricts

Till only the purest of elements remain

And those are the things I want inside me

In the light everything and everyone exists

But in the dark only the true reign on high

They’ve taught us the dark is evil

And yet it’s in the light that children are taken

Criminals are made out to be defenseless

And plastic chokes the life of the sea

I am not just a writer

But a living writer

A reading writer

And I’ve scoured the faces of angels upon us

They

Are not happy

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Loving Back

Breaking in the chasm between your breath

Exhale

Only to be swallowed by oneself

Woe is the newcomer to lonely solitude

Only adored by oneself, kissed by oneself

Letting go and never does a hand reach out

Falling into old fashioned drunkenness

Kill me, kill me, if you cannot see me

Bury me, bury me, if you cannot free me

What is life in the mirage, what is the shadow

What is blood if the veins are encased in skin

Trapped in an organism chained in the shallow

What is beauty forever enslaved to eyes

Who glare but a moment through a glass

And forgotten evermore

I see not love in the lust for freedom

In doing so become slave to impossible

But in lust for love you will find it

Only be sure that you are ready

To be loved back

What We Both Know

I could never, ever tell you why

There’s something underneath the shadows

Of my eyes, of the time, of the rhymes

I spend in excess devoted to you

There’s a lady in white, smiling right back at me

There’s a lady in white, smiling in the mirror

Right behind me

At first, I thought she was looking at us

Casting a glamorous countenance

Upon a shy man

Then I thought she was looking beyond

Casting a mirage upon parched maleness

Waters to be drunk only in the mind

Of a selectively silent man

Unafraid to write “ask” but afraid to say

Now I know she was looking neither at me

Nor behind me

But instead, through me

Wondering at the hole in my heart would lead

Pondering at the emptiness in my voice

As it leaves trembling diaphragm

Why are my written words so strong

But spoken so weak

Why do I attract other writers, confident and cunning

But hardly any friends

Am I genuinely becoming a loner in the making

Or something else altogether

Is that what she is looking for?

I wish she’d tell me she loved me

I wish she’d tell me she cares

Instead of never mind

Or hours of painful silence

I wish I could tell her face to face

What I think we both know is true

Between My World and Yours

Half-empty bottles litter the countertop

And the floor cradles my drunk conquest

She’s silently nestled

In between this world and the next

I watch, hardly consumed by the reckless

And wonder why we push ourselves so far

Our bodies collapse under constant pressure

And minds wrangle with us to do well

But drugs and drinks push our thoughts away

We drown them away, party the sensation

Rattling it until it bleeds out and collapses

Under the weight of our conscious desire

To love and writhe within each other, blindly

No thought, no foreshadowing, no expectation

From ourselves to do better, just living for now

Will kill us and spare us from tomorrow

This can’t be what we want, this can’t be

What we were only made for

To drink and eat

To love until we’re no longer pretty, and forget

Every promise we made to each other

Making out dreams that we cannot fulfill

Because we don’t care enough about us

To see them through

Everything is for the present, everything is now

Nothing is sacred, precious, or protected

I wonder what will become of a culture

That loves to make love but never complete it

With the action that makes it so beautiful

In the first place

Misery Loves Me

You don’t want the light in

No

You’d rather be miserable

Getting attention from everyone around

The support stemming from desperation

Is almost worth being desperate

And penniless piles of weak smiles

Forced laughter

On top of a melancholy life

Are washed away for only moments at a time

The encouragement and support

Hardly outweigh the demons

Misery loves company, but few companies

Accompany misery

For it is a heavy burden, and a worthless one

Yet I see the masses embrace the slavery

I see them beat each other for a chance

To be at the top of the pity party

I see them throwing one another overboard

So the ship will sail faster, and they

Will have their reward of sorrow and sayings

“Hope you get better”, “prayers up”, and

“Love you so much”

Those words have never meant less

To those doing even less

Because until you find the root

The weeds will always grow back

Until you find the death

You can’t give anyone proper life

They will always be uprooted and erased

Swallowed up by a darkness they cannot see

A friend they cannot name

A heartbeat they cannot claim

What Comes Next

How could I know they would betray me

All this time I thought we were inseparable

All this time

I thought we’d go to the end of line

But that line has been drawn suddenly

And it is here

Where we must depart

Going separate ways is in many ways foreign

To someone who has always had you by me

I’ve always made expensive mistakes

And you’ve paid each and every one of them

Maybe that’s why you have to leave

Because I pushed you away

Too soon I acted, too quick I reacted

And now I’m watching you leave, forever

Possibly

I didn’t know how to have friends, so I gained

Didn’t know how to keep, so I lost

Didn’t how I could die, so I lived

Now I’ve lived too much

You know what comes next

Forgetting

There She Goes

Some Thoughts

The Problem Is Me

There’s nothing left inside

Neither strength nor compassion

Peace nor prosperity

Love not hate

Just a fishing line with no bait

I’m dining a restaurant without a plate

I have the will, but lack the tools

Compassion, but without the mood to do

Love, but the animosity towards cowardice

It may seem as hate

So many people to call out, I’m left exhausted

Eight to ten people clamoring for my place

I can write until Titan collides with the moon

I can write until I finally receive the solution

To my pain

I can write until I finally feel accomplished

But nothing can fill the hole she left

No accolade can mend this broken bridge

No action

Except to drive off of it

And be allowed to forget it even existed

Let’s face it, I’m never to find her

Not with such combustible personality

Quick to anger as I’m quick with words

Slow to catch on as I’m fast to bring the action

Chasing my own tail, the problem is me

My own tales, my own fails, my own mess

All weighing down a once eager chest

Now I take my time around corners

I’ve been shot in the back before

Some similar piece(s):

Not Another One,  

Troubled Thoughts, 

I’m Sorry