Supposed

I thought people cared about each other

I thought people cared

About the deeper meanings

Behind I need you, I love you

I thought she would be different

Than all the others

Time

Is supposed to make me feel safer

In her arms

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A Heart Growing Darker

Two Advil on the countertop

Jack underneath my pillow

Hardcore synced to the TV

And a few tattered verses stuck to the wall

The sun shines too brightly

My alarm blares too suddenly

And everyone is asking me questions

The bus ride is empty but I huddle in a corner

Please god don’t let any ask me a question

I work in retail, so they do everyday

I work happily, but silently

Please stay out of my way

And you won’t have to deal with all my issues

Passive aggressiveness, mental illness

When I go to sleep, I hardly sleep

I dream of murder, riots, and hellfire

Somebody said I need to see a therapist

But maybe I need an assisted suicide

(It’s gotta be legal somewhere)

Your blood shouldn’t burn, but mine boils

Dreaming of you makes the pain go away

I want to see you again one day

I’ll walk a mile, I’ll walk a hundred thousand

Just to hear your voice again

And take away the strumming sting

Of a slow, unavoidable death

Patience, my dear, patience

Absence makes the heart grow darker

Inconsequential Tragedy

I’m not in danger of losing you

I’m in danger

Of losing myself

Poetry can be only so much of a diversion

To the reality that I am slipping

My mind races with dreams of eventual death

Reaching a head faster than I expected

Or even deserve

I can feel it in my bones, my breath

The calendar is turning, I don’t have much left

I feel privileged to have lived this long

But stopping now seems premature

Like my book dreams, like super bowl rings

For a team that struggled to win eight games

Somehow, for every step forward that I take

A deep seated feeling of pain grows

Blues that come but never want to go away

Am I a tragedy on two legs

Or simply mistaken about who I have become

Nobody wants to hear my words, apparently

My tragedy is inconsequential to you

Deepest, Darkness Essence

Never mind the doubters on the outside

I can hardly withstand the onslaught

Of tremors in my head, the reminders

All the things I’ve done and said wrong

And each little nugget I tried to ignore

It call comes back, it comes back to destroy

Confidence, control, it’s laid to waste so fast

I truly have the self-esteem to match

Never able to fully ignore the call of the wild

The deepest, darkest essence of my being

All of the mishaps and broken dreams

Misplaced feelings as love wasted on death

Sucking down the erotic air of sin, I’ve been

Left

With the choice to fall deeper into the pit

Or pull myself high enough to at least

See the blood streaming from heaven

And into the cradle I call my words

My life, this time I can’t explain

My god, has the time gone by

People want me to be an adult

People want to be a provider

People want me to be everything

And then some

On My Back

I carry my demons on my back

Disguised as friends of my own mind

I carry devils dressed as my lovers

My exes, and my accomplices

I carry vicious memories dazzled in delight

When I was young, bad seemed glorious

I etched my name through the victorious

Misgivings of misdeeds for attention

For some reason bad gets more than good

I carry abuse and absolute ignorance

In my heart, there is blood that will not flow

And thoughts that are too ill to speak

I cannot comprehend the depths

That my soul will go to stir my past

And remind me of the creature that I was

Today is the yesterday that tomorrow was

In spite of all my apologies I cannot ignore

That the deeds have been done

Trust undone, appease the masses gone awry

Look at what I have become

Don’t for a second stare a moment longer

Instead watch the mask cover my face

The devils pick up their tails

As I carry them across my eternal desert

Without a place to call home

Anywhere to rest

I really am on my own

For the worst, and best

To Be Torn

It’s never enough to just walk away

You have to cut me as you go

Bleed me as you careen down the slope

Of all the problems you let mount

On top of me, you laid your cross

Skull and bones, you made your mark

Upon my heart you chose to rot

And cast your soul into the flames of hell

At the price of you, the devil let you take me

For a ride I could not fall off or stop

I could only watch from the clouds

As the whole world seemed to melt away

Into a sea of black my eyes began to sparkle

Being the only source of light I knew

If this is love then I wanted nothing more

Then I woke up to feet sunk through the floor

I screamed but they only slammed the door

Burning anguish collecting in my core

I thought she would simply let me go

But no

My body had to be torn

Fleeting

Time stamps IED’s on the hearts of the young

Beeping, brooding underneath the skin

Finish me, finish me, she screams in the dark

Take all that is yours, then take what is theirs

Never too early to steal a night, never too late

To trample on the right

Because you can never be done serving

The wishes in the well of a heart gone awry

The depth of the heart ready to say goodbye

Is inconceivable to the living, but poignant

To the half-alive, I spell out the blood flow

Of the line I tread, each night I dread

The needs and demands of tomorrow

Could I just stay in bed and watch the stars

Multiply above my head, with no need to work

No need to slave, and actually enjoy

One of these fleeting days

There’s always so much to do

And always so little time

I no longer wonder why some

Would rather not even try

Been There

Been there, by my side

Resonating through our conversation

Intertwined with the distance we share

So finish the task

Because I’m with you

Till the end of the line

Answers can be found when we listen

Not to them, but us

Not to everything, but the little things

Assertive convictions kick down the doors

I’ll always search you

My curiosity delves deeper

Every time you say never mind

They ask me where you are

And I say the left side of my heart

See my devotion, look at the rhyme

Marshall law, my words have taken me far

Avenging the time I didn’t know you were there

Restless mind wonders when you’ll follow

Inside the chamber of my soul forever

Etched in the canvas of my dreams

What I Find In The Light

Never mind the light, I only need the dark

The truth is truth, regardless of the beholder

The lie is a lie, regardless of the beholder

Vibrating throughout my skeleton is chaos

Ordered and exponential in designed purpose

Humanity seems to think eradicating one

Will enlighten the other, but in truth

One exists because of the order

In chaos there is order because it is planned

Order can be chaotic without understanding

And interference only widens the chasm

The light blinds, but the dark constricts

Till only the purest of elements remain

And those are the things I want inside me

In the light everything and everyone exists

But in the dark only the true reign on high

They’ve taught us the dark is evil

And yet it’s in the light that children are taken

Criminals are made out to be defenseless

And plastic chokes the life of the sea

I am not just a writer

But a living writer

A reading writer

And I’ve scoured the faces of angels upon us

They

Are not happy

Loving Back

Breaking in the chasm between your breath

Exhale

Only to be swallowed by oneself

Woe is the newcomer to lonely solitude

Only adored by oneself, kissed by oneself

Letting go and never does a hand reach out

Falling into old fashioned drunkenness

Kill me, kill me, if you cannot see me

Bury me, bury me, if you cannot free me

What is life in the mirage, what is the shadow

What is blood if the veins are encased in skin

Trapped in an organism chained in the shallow

What is beauty forever enslaved to eyes

Who glare but a moment through a glass

And forgotten evermore

I see not love in the lust for freedom

In doing so become slave to impossible

But in lust for love you will find it

Only be sure that you are ready

To be loved back