Nothing Worth Your Affection

inside these walls

trembling words stir in the depths

burgeoning, recovering

to show the world their best

inside these walls

the laughter echoes through halls

of stone and skulls, failed attempts

by those too kind to leave me

and ignorant to be left

inside these walls I close my eyes

and pray to the ceiling

I need strength

just one more day

because inside these walls

I am in oblivious peace

but I cannot stay here forever

so the masked man comes out

and the timid soul remains barren

hoping the shadows will bring me love

or her disappointment

I am nothing worthy of a woman’s affection

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Morning Glory

today is tomorrow’s

yesterday

the circularity

is the amazing

yet the intricate differences

are what make it so intriguing

you may find the same thing

but never the same place

or time

morning glory

becomes evening dread

what will I wake to

if anything, again?

Opened Doors Are Open Ended

Let’s try to find a way out

the depression, the pain

aggression falling upon flesh in an acid rain

afraid to stand, the youth sit and are raptured

washed away in the flashing lights

9-1-1 and colored rights

many are breathing

but few traverse the bridge of eternal life

what does it mean to live

on a planet destined to die

and what a waste of time is love

when everyone we care about says goodbye

I thought I had one

once upon a time

and she’s still here

somehow, sitting rights across my eyes

give me a sign

tell me it’s okay to cross that bridge

but if it’s not

then say nothing more

once my view of the world

changes

I’ll answer the question

for all the ages

What I Couldn’t Have

you’ve got my staring eye

pit pat pit pat go dripping these words

down the gutter of your heart

steel and sturdy towards the outside

protecting of all your cares

was I once where

here, or there?

I didn’t want to be a last gasp

last chance boy

I didn’t want to be “next”

or “oh yeah, him”

I was to be your first

sunrise from the night

moonlight

after the darkest day

I still think of you the same

I only wanted to be had

I only wanted to be glad

I only wanted

what I couldn’t have

Not Breaking, But Broken

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I’m still addicted

to their bodies dancing

in the pretense of love at night

it’s sinful to desire such actions

that strip away morality, security

and life

but that’s me

skilled at little

vain and arrogant in much

tonight I don’t want likes or comments

just some honesty for once

but that’s just me

too weak to give it up

but strong enough to endure till tomorrow

I care about what you think

I care about what they say

and when the replies seem to be ending

the doubt eagerly becomes brimming

inside and alive

seams left unchecked

the internal war is between me

and me alone, direct

to the point

swelling in my joints

I fall to my knees

I’m breaking it may seem

but I’m quite broken

and no one in this fairy tale

even tries to put me

back together

God, What Have You Become (Abuse)

solace

heaven’s a fraud

and hell, smoldering lies

over the still breathing heart

of virgin truth

if there is a kingdom on high

then strip my abuser

of the flesh on his wretched bones

blast a nine mile hole

in the lump of flesh we call a heart

the same way he mocks my chains

watching the bolts travel under wiry flesh

malnourished limbs tremble and traverse

the vague pretense of air

under the roof of domination

there is but death to breathe

carbon monoxide flushed down my throat

where is this Christ

that you place your hope

awash in my own birthing blood

and fed the waste of my exploitation

the mercy of this Lord

is near undone

when I rise on the steak

splinters pierce my lungs

there is no last gasp for me

so instead I cry in lonesome defeat

God, what have you become

 

Someone Beautiful Is Reading This

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Dinning room silence

Except for a kitty purring away

There’s words knocking on my mind

I can’t explain them away

Especially not today

I actually slept well last night

No midnight sleepwalks

Two a.m. shivers

From a dream I had

The night before

The poet inside

Comes to life

And I’ll never

Put it to sleep

The muse is not what motivates

But the feelings I get

Writing what he or she

Has to say

I need no inspiration

Its part of why I love this life

Just a pen and my thoughts

I’ll put it somewhere

Maybe on your heart

Cause someone beautiful

Is reading this

What If I Told You

 

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What if I told you

I wasn’t alone

and I had been lying

to you like her

I like you

(I adore you)

You’re a good person

(You’re my everything)

I think I’ll see you soon

(I love you already)

The darkness peels back

as the fabrics fall off

silky skin

Clothing lies in a trail

of tears in wonder

at the perfection

of delicate sin

Naked ambition

in a provocative rendition

of Leonardo’s Mona Lisa

Perfect woman

meets searching eyes

is there one inch

that doesn’t incite delight

Staring into crystal balls

falling back into the black

as we reach the pinnacle

of this devious waltz

Bodies tangled

reaching the fantasy of gravity

and the peak of agony

as quickly as she comes

we go our separate ways

the lights come on

and I’m jolted awake in pain

because what if I also

told you it was a dream

and I fell asleep alone

like every other night

Memories Of A Survivor

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cry tears of shame
he whips into shape
the back of shallow
wishes never meant
face scourged
and rent in fury
violence unbeknownst
to the outside
I’m just a face
to the outside
I forget my place
with long sleeves
an black apron
I descend into the valley
blend in with you
laughing in feigned joy
hey
if only you knew

Sick Of The Autistic

I’m just sick

of the autistic

genius are some

interesting are none

ruining my world

causing my advances

to become undone

stimming is gross

do it somewhere else

pleasing yourself

to lower anxiety

you have less than none

in sympathy from me

you broken and breaking

mentally divergent fool

no program or grant

could ever amount

to the reality that you can’t

compete with me

don’t lie to me

they say be anything

but you’re nothing but a nuisance

to us

don’t fuss

just jump

and return to us our peace

who cares about your broken pieces

I’d taste just as sweet

if you weren’t analyzing so much

cut and bleed

stoop and scream

die and dream

you’ll never make it on your own

don’t try to be a hero

and why be a slave

when you can be a fraud