I Wasn’t Alone (It Was An Aspie Dream)

broken

What if I told you

I wasn’t alone

and I had been lying

to you like her

I like you

(I adore you)

You’re a good person

(You’re my everything)

I think I’ll see you soon

(I love you already)

The darkness peels back

as the fabrics fall off

silky skin

Clothing lies in a trail

of tears in wonder

at the perfection

of delicate sin

Naked ambition

in a provocative rendition

of Leonardo’s Mona Lisa

Perfect woman

meets searching eyes

is there one inch

that doesn’t incite delight

Staring into crystal balls

falling back into the black

as we reach the pinnacle

of this devious waltz

Bodies tangled

reaching the fantasy of gravity

and the peak of agony

as quickly as she comes

we go our separate ways

the lights come on

and I’m jolted awake in pain

because what if I also

told you it was a dream

and I fell asleep alone

like every other night

 

 

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The Autistic Man

WAMTAC

No one considers

The plight of man

The autistic man

Cunning but curious

At the things he must do

To feel such emotion

Power and powerlessness

In the palm on control

He never knew

We grow up as outcasts

Because we don’t know

How to play

Special interests dominate

What we think, do

And say

Selfish we must be

To put out of our minds

Everything

Except for this magical thing

We cannot seem

To do without

Our posture is funny

As is our fashion sense

The way we hold our hands

Or stare into the crowds

 

We may be silent

But in ignorance of our presence

Breaking normality

We speak loud

Growing up takes a toll

No friends in school

Or very, very few

Unable to be ourselves

Or else attacked

By you

Who don’t recognize

The beauty

In neurological difference

The possibility

With our magic

Exponentially endless

But we keep it locked away

Hoping to survive

Another day

Before you discover us

And the mask

Is stripped away

Love is equally understood

But not in finding another

Who thinks the same

Frightened by bare honesty

Ashamed by difference

And brain washed by culture

That they need a strong

Muscular

Out going man

They ignore us

Laugh at our advances

I see these things

And know them

Because I lived them too

I will never be accepted

By the majority of you

Consider the plight

Of the autistic man

And ask yourself

If all there is to one

Is what you see

How can you ever accept

The infinity

That will set all beings fee

I don’t know what the world

Will to do us

I don’t know if you will ever

Have what we want

But through this poem

Being read by you

No longer can you say

I never knew

Child Born Of Tremor and Turmoil

 

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writing is my love

my life

the beginning and end

of an always speaking wife

we noticed one another

while drifting away from life

on the verge of exiting

she stole the knife

we courted on balconies

piers

and windows crept through

by cellphone light

we wed four years ago

happy as could be

believing us

is all we would ever need

marriage is not

without difficulty

for to unify two individuals

someone must be subverted

to keep the peace of another

so I remained silent

pregnant by another

far more ravenous insatiable lover

and when the night falls

I run to her

begging to be spared

and spare the world

of a child born of tremor

and turmoil

agony agony I cry

why do you leave me alone

to perish

Phone Calls To Someone I’d Like To Know

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Sitting inside with sleet falling

hoping a special girl

will come calling

she’s got dirty blond hair

and a pretty little voice

that makes your ears melt

Standing by the window

staring into the dark

I dial the number

just the dial tone ringing

illuminates this lonely night

A crackling on the other end

then her voice

and suddenly I feel

like one of the other boys

A hi, I reply

and an hour transpires

before we say goodbye

it’s not what she says

it’s what she doesn’t

that slays my soul

that let’s me know

her heart

while tested

while put on trial

has come out stronger, for the better

and is fully whole

so I put the phone down

and dream away

thinking of when

I’ll see her one day

 

Drowning In Aspergian Love On A Rain Soaked Hill

wamtac

Standing on the highest hill, she never asked why we came

I only mentioned sunset, how I could watch them again and again

Rushing out the door, I had forgotten to check the forecast

And standing in the open space, the sky became overcast

I felt stupid for being so careless

But she didn’t mind, being together, our hearts were weightless

On this planet of euphoric love, gravity did not exist

And the sweet air from her lips was my daily breath

and my bread, her body, perfect in every way

But as the rain fell harder, I felt the day had been ruined

“I don’t care about the rain, I’m happy right now, seeing you again”

Putting her hand in mine, angels may have well stopped time

because this love comes from a special place, the divine

Trinity as her name

and closed eyes in love

can see underneath, around, and above

I knew she was perfect

worth more than anything I ever knew

and inconsistent moans

gave a perfect view of the life I gave away

when I kissed her harder and harder that day

slumping in my arms

legs weak with pleasure

and arms trembling in ecstasy

there was no other

who could reach in me

so deeply

(My record for most likes on a single post is 76. Can this post hit 77? I’d love it if it could!)

Speckle of light: A poem on love in the face of death

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You lit a fire in my eyes,

my morning star

You kept me warm at night,

my evening star

You were awe-inspiring,

my sunshine

You carried me when I was weak,

my angel

And lifted me to greater heights,

my wings

But tonight I bow before you,

this box bereft of broken and bloody bruises bewildering

Why did you jump? Why?

I could have caught you, I could have…

No, you weren’t bound to me,

so you flew

You were all around me,

my halo,

and all I have left is a speckle of light

Go See Vanessa: A love poem

 

Lovers embracing on the beach at sundown on Morro Strand State B
Lovers embracing on the beach at sundown on Morro Strand State Beach by Morro Rock in Morro Bay, CA 10 Jan 2010. Photo by Michael “Mike” L. Baird, mike at mikebaird d o t com, flickr.bairdphotos.com, Canon 1D Mark III, Canon 300mm f/2.8 with Circular Polarizer, handheld, RAW.

High waves crash on the sandy beach

Pale blue skies fade to lustrous yellow, purple, and red

For your heart I so often reached,

as your face leaned over mine I read

over the lock I thought could be breached

And as you told me so many things

I could not begin to contain,

I suddenly had a feeling, a ringing

that you would never come again

One day, I woke up and my bed was empty

“Go see Vanessa”, written on my desk,

filled my heart with despair and discord plenty

 

Love is a highway at 5:29

 

Highway_401_by_401-DVP

Pull out of your comfort zone
Far away from your home, and into the unknown
I guess you could call it fate
That every time I hit the road I find myself
Quite too late
The lanes are crowded
Unable to pass left or right
One slip and the moment is lost
Lovely evening turned panic stricken night
There’s so many out there
Big, small, and in between
Happy and sweet, angry and mean
Many I pass by, pushing faster as I go
Because that one I never wish to know
I slow down for others, even checking their rear
Wide, luminous, and ironically austere
But there’s one that stops me entirely
Hands up, windows out, breaks down
To her everything I am bound
Over mountains, under trees
Every passing minute makes this feel like a tease
But when I see her lights flash
Eyelids rise, pupils dash
And all I ever wanted was to crash
She sees me in the rear view, and I know she’s mine
Because love is a highway at 5:29

If You Were a Bowling Alley

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(A poem in which the character, who uses the name Fall Out Boy when bowling, compares the act to a girl he likes but will never attain)

If you were a bowling alley,

I’d say you were fuller than it as at nine

If you were a bowling lane

I’d say tonight your body belonged to mine

If you were the holes of a bowling ball

I’d say my fingers were tight inside you

If you were a bowling ball

I’d say I possessed you

If you were a bowling pin

I’d say I pounded you to exhaustion

If you were the scoreboard

I’d say you were covered in red

You’re a perfect ten

So I’ll name you “strike”

I found you by luck

My spare

You’re mine,

and my opposite,

so I’ll call you Fall Out Girl

The Timekeeper

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(Author’s Note: This is my personal adaptation of the The Timekeeper, written by John Holleman)

Daniel, at the age of 22, will meet his wife-to-be at Arrowhead Stadium during a Kansas City Chiefs game after accidentally spilling slurpee on her.
On July 1st, at 22 years, they will be married in a small ceremony among family.
On February 7th, at the age of 23, they will have their first child as the Chiefs win the Super Bowl.
On December 31st, at the age of 85, Daniel will rest at his wife’s side.

I speak truth because I am here to make sure he trips.

A Time Keeper: one unattached from time to ensure others’ lives happen according to the plan. Normally my assignments aren’t so involved, but truthfully I would welcome a little involvement.  Here I am, joining two lives and making them one, while I’m forced to live this life of solitude. I’ll be here for the next few minutes, oversee the plan, then jump off to another life and do the exact same thing. I’ve been doing this for eternity, and it wears at my soul.

A football game. What an odd place to find your future partner. Then again, not everyone is blessed with perfect conditions every day. On a warm fall day like this you’d expect people to be more calm. Not in this house. The fans are jumping, screaming, crying, shouting, and banging their seats. Very uncomfortable for a person like me. I need quiet, as I must focus on the plan.

Cue the bride-to-be – right on time, sitting down next to me with two hot dogs in her hand. She’s hot as hell, with a curvaceous body, fiery red hair, and wearing an Eric Berry jersey. Apparently Daniel will find her cute enough, considering their timelines don’t part after this.

I watch her. She has to feel my eyes on her.

She looks prettier sitting next to me. She seems excited, as if she knows her fate. Or it’s the game. Whatever, I sure wish to trade places with her. If only she knew what would transpire in the next two minutes.

It just isn’t fair. Why should I arrange love while I meander in loneliness? Why can’t someone find love for me? Maybe I shouldn’t trip him? It is my right to go through with the plan or not. She already knows loneliness, and like everyone else she will learn to live with circumstance. Not finding Daniel wouldn’t change her life much.

Daniel must have heard me because there he is, walking towards us. Little does he know the power I have over him. I have determined his fate. These two. Mere strangers, and could be that forever, but look, she catches his eye and smiles.

He returned her smile: touchdown. He is walking towards us. This is it. I am here to keep the plan. Responsibility takes hold. My foot extends quickly. He trips. The slurpee falls on her. He curses, then quickly apologizes while grabbing a handful of napkins from under his seat.

Messy love.

Game over. Finally. I get up, and quickly disappear, off to the next assignment.