Nameless

There’s not a name I could give you

That would do anything justice

The gravity of what’s come to pass needs

A remembrance equal to its magnitude

Stallion riding roughshod over carcass

Remote but easily pained and pressured

Not into decisions, but indecision

The more I see, the more I waver, the more

I stand still, oppressed by ignorance

And confidence suppressed by memory

Refusing to come out and greet the day

I could call you today, but that would be

Disgraceful to all of today, which is unfinished

I could call you tomorrow

But that would assume the absence

Of all good

Instead, I’ll call you never and ever

There only when it occurs

Everywhere it occurs

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What I Find In The Light

Never mind the light, I only need the dark

The truth is truth, regardless of the beholder

The lie is a lie, regardless of the beholder

Vibrating throughout my skeleton is chaos

Ordered and exponential in designed purpose

Humanity seems to think eradicating one

Will enlighten the other, but in truth

One exists because of the order

In chaos there is order because it is planned

Order can be chaotic without understanding

And interference only widens the chasm

The light blinds, but the dark constricts

Till only the purest of elements remain

And those are the things I want inside me

In the light everything and everyone exists

But in the dark only the true reign on high

They’ve taught us the dark is evil

And yet it’s in the light that children are taken

Criminals are made out to be defenseless

And plastic chokes the life of the sea

I am not just a writer

But a living writer

A reading writer

And I’ve scoured the faces of angels upon us

They

Are not happy

Loving Back

Breaking in the chasm between your breath

Exhale

Only to be swallowed by oneself

Woe is the newcomer to lonely solitude

Only adored by oneself, kissed by oneself

Letting go and never does a hand reach out

Falling into old fashioned drunkenness

Kill me, kill me, if you cannot see me

Bury me, bury me, if you cannot free me

What is life in the mirage, what is the shadow

What is blood if the veins are encased in skin

Trapped in an organism chained in the shallow

What is beauty forever enslaved to eyes

Who glare but a moment through a glass

And forgotten evermore

I see not love in the lust for freedom

In doing so become slave to impossible

But in lust for love you will find it

Only be sure that you are ready

To be loved back

Truth About Writing

Never mind, I don’t know what to say

Sometimes I write all day

Or other days, I hardly scratch out two words

Go ahead, write poetry!

Oh my, you’re so good!

Keep writing!

But nobody ever tells you how it saps you

And deprives of sleep

No one mentions the ghosts that awaken

And condemn your hands to motions

Hardly prepared for all the dreams

I would be allowed to forget

And the nightmares

I would be forced to remember

The question of personal space is none at all

Invaded and berated, you have no safety

Denied and in perpetual demise

You are chained to your pen, pad

Or whatever you’ve committed to

I asked for publicity, and I asked for support

But I did not perceive this would be the way

What We Both Know

I could never, ever tell you why

There’s something underneath the shadows

Of my eyes, of the time, of the rhymes

I spend in excess devoted to you

There’s a lady in white, smiling right back at me

There’s a lady in white, smiling in the mirror

Right behind me

At first, I thought she was looking at us

Casting a glamorous countenance

Upon a shy man

Then I thought she was looking beyond

Casting a mirage upon parched maleness

Waters to be drunk only in the mind

Of a selectively silent man

Unafraid to write “ask” but afraid to say

Now I know she was looking neither at me

Nor behind me

But instead, through me

Wondering at the hole in my heart would lead

Pondering at the emptiness in my voice

As it leaves trembling diaphragm

Why are my written words so strong

But spoken so weak

Why do I attract other writers, confident and cunning

But hardly any friends

Am I genuinely becoming a loner in the making

Or something else altogether

Is that what she is looking for?

I wish she’d tell me she loved me

I wish she’d tell me she cares

Instead of never mind

Or hours of painful silence

I wish I could tell her face to face

What I think we both know is true

Silent Warrior

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There’s no expiration date on words
Or the volumes they speak when written
Passionately and proactively
Used as spears against the calvary
Swords against the horsemen
And flaming arrows into the windows of hate
I used to be bullied
I used to be beaten
But you don’t see me talk about it
For what’s to be gained from bleeding
All over again
And dabbing your finger in the crimson pool
To write save me on kitchen mirrors
For what’s to be gained in reminiscing
The near moments you were sure was death
Rather than expound upon it
I use it as a tool, a guideline for what I say
Ever present reminder of where I could still be
And where I am now
There used to be times when I wouldn’t speak
My skin grew dark
And my hands riddled with veins
For returning to the drywall
What I could never utter
I am a warrior, but one reserved
For every fighter knows there are battles
That must be set aside
And there are others
That are worthy of taking life
Or having it taken

I’ll Keep Running To You

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It was only when you turned away
That I remembered why I married you for
And here, now, I’ve done it again
I sought you out because I needed a savior
Not a lover, but a Christ
Not a wife, but a bearer of my many crosses
I would have stripped you, beaten you
And placed a crown of thorns upon your head
Called you despicable, wretched, and heathen
Before your friends and loved ones
 
And you would have taken it all in
Taken it all so well
And when
If
I ever let you down from the bloody stick
You’d do it all over again
Because you loved me
 
I wasn’t loved by anyone before you
I never found a home in anything before you
In the past I’d bury myself in bosoms
But that only lasted as long as I did
And when the night turned to day, I’d pay
They’d leave, and I’d have to start all over
I could never survive that way, then you came
My way, and I’ve never been the same
But I couldn’t keep myself from revealing itself
And the venom within reared up and took me
I am neither man or monster
But the passions of each combined
With timid, childlike sways of emotion
 
I am failure, failed, and failing
You can keep coming back to me
But I’ve already sold myself to the flame
Opening the door will only reveal
Different personas of a face
All the same

Between My World and Yours

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Half-empty bottles litter the countertop
And the floor cradles my drunk conquest
She’s silently nestled
In between this world and the next
I watch, hardly consumed by the reckless
And wonder why we push ourselves so far
Our bodies collapse under constant pressure
And minds wrangle with us to do well
But drugs and drinks push our thoughts away
We drown them away, party the sensation
Rattling it until it bleeds out and collapses
Under the weight of our conscious desire
To love and writhe within each other, blindly
No thought, no foreshadowing, no expectation
From ourselves to do better, just living for now
Will kill us and spare us from tomorrow
This can’t be what we want, this can’t be
What we were only made for
To drink and eat
To love until we’re no longer pretty, and forget
Every promise we made to each other
Making out dreams that we cannot fulfill
Because we don’t care enough about us
To see them through
Everything is for the present, everything is now
Nothing is sacred, precious, or protected
I wonder what will become of a culture
That loves to make love but never complete it
With the action that makes it so beautiful
In the first place

Misery Loves Me

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You don’t want the light in
No
You’d rather be miserable
Getting attention from everyone around
The support stemming from desperation
Is almost worth being desperate
And penniless piles of weak smiles
Forced laughter
On top of a melancholy life
Are washed away for only moments at a time
The encouragement and support
Hardly outweigh the demons
Misery loves company, but few companies
Accompany misery
For it is a heavy burden, and a worthless one
Yet I see the masses embrace the slavery
I see them beat each other for a chance
To be at the top of the pity party
I see them throwing one another overboard
So the ship will sail faster, and they
Will have their reward of sorrow and sayings
“Hope you get better”, “prayers up”, and
“Love you so much”
Those words have never meant less
To those doing even less
Because until you find the root
The weeds will always grow back
Until you find the death
You can’t give anyone proper life
They will always be uprooted and erased
Swallowed up by a darkness they cannot see
A friend they cannot name
A heartbeat they cannot claim

What Comes Next

How could I know they would betray me

All this time I thought we were inseparable

All this time

I thought we’d go to the end of line

But that line has been drawn suddenly

And it is here

Where we must depart

Going separate ways is in many ways foreign

To someone who has always had you by me

I’ve always made expensive mistakes

And you’ve paid each and every one of them

Maybe that’s why you have to leave

Because I pushed you away

Too soon I acted, too quick I reacted

And now I’m watching you leave, forever

Possibly

I didn’t know how to have friends, so I gained

Didn’t know how to keep, so I lost

Didn’t how I could die, so I lived

Now I’ve lived too much

You know what comes next