Tag Archives: Poetry

The War Of Poetic Conviction

WAMTAC

Convention

waging endless war

against my unwavering condition

arrows of all kinds

and sizes

fly through the air in mass

darkening the sun as it rises

tipped with oil, tipped with fire

they rarely kill

but injure greatly

designed to cause will to waver

and crumble when the infantry

comes later

day and night the siege rains on

they cannot hold this city

but for so long

no food to re-wire my mind

no fountain to make me young again

cutting off my life support

the empty space I need to breathe

sanity drains from my mind

through an eternal sieve

even my blood turns a cold shoulder

like I’m afraid of living

the days of old

just when the night seems to end

the moon folds it’s hand

sneaking a cunning glance

at the sun and stars

as he pulls his winnings in a pile

the dawn turns towards the deceivers

eyes reddened with intense flame

with searing pain destroys the enemy

from this son comes poetic conviction

that topples the medical profession’s

worthless predictions

tone and diction, I’ve got it in my hand

to rally my soul brothers and sisters

it’s all part of my plan

The Good Doctor and Christian Wolf be damned

I’m tired of seeing us misinterpreted

given superhuman traits

just to make a cute story

our story isn’t for your entertainment

rather our struggles

cause lifelong derailment

tell them I’m coming

I’m going ham

 

Would You Rather Be The Disease Or The Cure

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Quiet room

never empty, never full

always wishing someone

or something

could find in it a use

sitting in the heat of summer

and the cool of winter

initials carved in the bed frame

remind the emptiness how much he misses her

dust collects on unattended shelves

as the shadows take off their masks

and rest in this somber place of dwelling

windows rust, and sight into the world

becomes anyone’s guess

not even the Titanic herself

compares to this tragic mess

how one can fall

from the height of life

to lows

even zombies couldn’t comprehend

caught up in a whirlwind of love, lust, life

and feigned shots at immortality

does anyone even know what’s a sin

would you rather be the cure

or the disease

doing wonders behind closed doors

or all-powerful at the expense of every living thing

don’t pretend

don’t pretend

 

The Menace Inside Makes Me Young Again

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Shadows convene

at the edge of every alley

one foot planted in reality

the other against the wall

smoking cigarettes by the carton

breathing in the toxic waste

of a choking humanity

and out come black fumes

so sensual in wafting

from nostril to nostril

even the prostitute looks up from her slumber

and pleasures herself once more

together in twilight

they burn the ashes of dead dreams

and light the fire of forget

roll in the cunning of a serpent

and blow it as sweetly as a promiscuous witch

sweeter than the honey

that drips from hardened nipples

hanging lower than the blade

of guillotines sent to punish the adulterer

strip me bare and beat me blind

I scream I’m yours, I’m yours

as the skin peels back, dancing

to half time

throwing fuel around my feet

the soul gasping for air

raises itself higher on the cross

while the aborted fetus bleats

I love the menace inside

every day I age

she makes me young again

 

 

The Love And Life Of Death

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The setting is a late May evening

and the sun is just beginning to wane

the grasses are as green as can be

the warm summer rays touch

skin darkened by the halls of recluses

and eyes drunk on the monotone beat

of a single heart

the horizon speaks to me

in ways no human could ever

color elicits emotion

only my darkest days would ever see

drooping sunset

with patch, see-through clouds

for skanky lingerie

calms me better than any

green eyed, freckled face

powered by an engine

stoked by fire of rejection

I reject the clown suit

appreciate the complexion

of life riding the fine line

life and death, I’ve seen both

lived and loved

both

I never knew

why the silence loved me so

treated me to knowledge

people seemed to refuse

I’m so hot

dirty mind, spinning you a web

of lust, lies

and forgotten faces

all in time

before the moon turns on her heel

and I fall into sleep

till our next divorce counseling meeting

 

I Didn’t Believe I’d Be Where I Am Today

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I didn’t believe

I would do anything that I’ve done today

I never saw, or even dreamed

that I’d be where I stand today

just a few years ago I couldn’t come out the house

in fear and angst at the outside world

just a few years ago I didn’t volunteer

and while confident in my abilities to be a published author

I never thought I’d have even a part time job

especially not in customer service

just a few years ago my whole life was porn and Madden

now I’m repaying the anger with hum of fingers on these keys

call me Darren McFadden

the anger I used to take out on my family

on strangers

on me

frustrated at the disability that I could never see

the desire but lack of strength to set this soul free

if only I could see the door trust me I’d make the key

now today I know I’m stronger than they said I’d ever be

when I put down the Clorox

and opened up my soul

to some guy living in the sky

I realized he could make me whole

He showed me that my condition

was a gift

put down the knife, put down the concrete

and mend this rift inside me

aspergers humbles me every single day

it reminds me that without him nothing will go my way

when I’m feeling down I put pen to paper and I pray

somebody please take this anxiety away

away

goes the pain

goes the regrets

go the doubters

and to everyone who saw me write nonstop

and said I was wasting my hours

this one’s for you

for the lovers

for the haters

for those who don’t know me

and those who wish they did

 

 

The Darkness Chokes The Sense Of The Homeless

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The darkness chokes the sense

of the homeless

throwing punches of humility

and stealing the cents out of hats

too big to fit the head of a ten year old boy

silence awakens the mind of a soldier

trapped in a traumatized mind

he marches up and down his home to Iraqi time

and swings an AK around his head like a toy

bullets rain down in a cascade of calamity

and with the blindness of humanity

there’s more to this never ending story

of birth, disappointment, and death

medicine buys you an extra breath

but takes away twice the life

adults cheat on each other

teens resort to the knife

and poor babies, they don’t get any rights

there’s more vacant houses on a single block

than the times the gangster will cock his glock

at the very thought of red and blue

shallow crooks like Hillary say they know what it’s like

If only they knew

an eye for an eye, tooth for tooth

here’s some ecstasy and pot

in exchange for our youth

mom’s leave their children

in search of better pay

while feminists overlook the rising level of strokes

and the blood in the streets from where kids lay

nobody to guide them, that’s fine

let Justin Bieber lead the way

but he won’t give them back their time

tired of hearing about gender

while the news makes everything about race

let’s focus instead on treating each other like humans

because we all belong in this place

 

You Only Know Who You Think I Am

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Poetically cunning

words leaving brains and hearts humming

and while you’re eager to read on

you only know who you think I am

late night writes with Pete Wentz in my ears

in attempt to ward off nightmarish fears

but I put on a smile to cover it up

so you only know who you think I am

work is mental drudgery, and family is worse

but my good moods come in spurts

they think I’m okay

but you only know who you think I am

inside I feel like I’m dying

and this week wants to make me stop trying

but I don’t tell you what’s really going on

and you only know who you think I am

I stand in the pouring rain

there’s little I like better

but you think I’m insane

and I let you believe who you think I am

I sit by myself, I have no friends

hell, it takes me ten minutes just to press send

you think I’m antisocial and crude

stupid world, you only know who you think I am

I write everyday

to reveal everything

and nothing

to make you think you know who I am

I am depressed, anxious, angry, and dejected

broken, shy, disheartened, and rejected

failure makes me afraid to try again

socially I have to pretend

I hope I’m not like this forever

because there’s gotta be someone out there

I just haven’t met her

or I did

and I failed her

(now I’m regretting everything again)

you no longer have to guess, now

you know who I really am

 

Alone

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Alone

this is where you wanted me

wild, untamed

and free

raw, uncut

to be true to myself

was the only must

the animal side of humanity

is only a breath away

when walking nude among the trees

is how we spend our days

call me out

to dine with you

among birds and beasts

we do ourselves

well into the shimmering light

under a blanket of warriors and twins

Venus kisses us goodnight

if home

is where the heart is

then the wild it is

until to death we are departed

 

Aspergers Will Always Be By Our Side

wamtac

I need more routine

and less surprise

I need more notebooks

to keep track of my thoughts as time flies

I need more honesty

and less romance

I need you to shut up

and let me listen to Dance, Dance

I’ve dug trenches you’ll never see

to keep all the abuse you have given me

I write until there’s nothing left to share

and the energy used to crowd please leaves me threadbare

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by our side

I only write to you

to help you take back the time

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by your side

I only write to you

to take control of the lies

Brothers and sisters

in self-depreciation

believing the myths spun by deceivers

for many generations

unsure of where to go

with nowhere to run

the world is just too loud

so to skulls some put guns

you are the human you choose

not what the world decides you are

in a world hellbent on being on conformity

I stand on a hill from afar

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by our side

I only write to you

to help you take back the time

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by your side

I only write to you

to take control of the lies

Silent Wave won’t go

Cocoons are comfy won’t go

neither will Beth

or the Cynical Reject

every autistic, every aspergian

shout we won’t go

because we are what we love

not who loves us

 

 

 

I Will Never Believe In Anything Again

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I will never believe again

in fate or fortune

and my fear of never having a lover

needs an early abortion

I worry too much

in controlling my destiny

when the very key to my wishes

is already inside of me

I worry too much

in trying to be like everyone else

what happened to the old me

that really didn’t give a fuck

about who liked me, and who didn’t

and who saw me do that thing

of which I am repentant

I’ve gotten soft, I think

and need to re-don my hard shell

because inside of this Cancer

is poetic beauty that quells

deepest fears

and shortcomings pointed out

by sophomoric peers

I will never believe again

in luck or chance

and instead in myself

whether my followers be many, or scant

those who care

care

those who don’t

I’ll see you there

at the top of the mountain

the pinnacle of all my work

but at my time, not yours

the world doesn’t run on one schedule

and neither will I

so goodbye

because I will never believe again

in anything I choose not to

no longer will the world abuse

my African American differences

and autistic personality

I choose to live as I am

the Devereaux of this reality