Against The Backdrop Of My Wrong

I will love you forever

Through the highs and lows

Peaks and valleys

Crestfallen wishes litter the ocean floor

My self esteem troubled, but still I want more

I don’t take the safe way, but the right way

Sometimes that leads to criticism

Isolation happens to be my resting place

And to them it seems I’m losing the race

But they’ve never even started

Weighted on the conscious of my heart

The filth of my youth and teenage expeditions

I was told I’d be stronger if I did it

I wasn’t a man if I didn’t

Now I did, and am done

I despise what I’ve become

I pray in the light, but the demons reject me

I seethe in the dark, and the angels scorn me

With tempest dreams and shivers of fright

I hardly sleep these days, I write into the night

Where did I go wrong, where do I belong

What are these words worth

Against the backdrop of all my wrong

Autism is a canvas

Blackness my brush

In an empty world that needs some color

Despite the world lacking a mother

With children that are perpetually under the weather

I, someway, somehow, find it in me

To love you forever


Finches In September


To the bone


And stoked in his fire

Cinders and ashes

Became my home

Trapped in neverland

Ceasing to breathe, living to die

The journey is a pathway unknown

Seeds of slaves are sown

In the conformity of words

I do

And we don’t fight fair

I do

We ruin each other

Dreams in the dark

Looking away in the day

Fellow human is not my master

Yet I was a slave

I loved your ways

Your fucking, breaking, bleeding ways

Then the finches of September

Whistled a new calling

And from now one

I’d rather be lonely

Then be at home

With a terror

Ink Marks The Pain I Crave

Bloodshot eyes

Tremble under the weight of light

Stuck to bed for two days

Three nights

Swollen lips, burning head

I’ve gone astray

Some way, somehow

Waging war against the body of mine

Time after time we devour the lies

The graveyards mark our disdain

For truth

Stars twinkling in the infinity on high

Lead me back to you

I’m sorry if I said I needed you

I was so wrong, so wrong

I’m sorry if I told you I loved you

I was right, so right

Because I can’t just have you

I must possess your breath

Breathe in the presence of your being

I don’t care where we go

As long as we reach it together

Blood spilling from my eyes, ink searing

From my back, I fade in and out the black

And you’re there, forever

The sickness clamps throats so tight

But I cannot say goodnight

Not tonight

I’m sorry if I said I needed you

I was wrong, so wrong

I meant to say I wanted

This humanistic desire to taste and be hungry

To drink and be thirsty

To be born and undeveloped

To live and crave the final trembling of breath

I possess the worst and best

Of you

Left Of My Life

One light shines

over the alley

Dimly flickering

Watching over the darkness soundly

I peak an eye to wonder

At the reflection it casts

It resembles mine

Lost in the mire, trapped in the fire

Choking on flames, hardly fine

Afraid of the cleansing light

Running through desert, poisoned by my body

Flying through oceans, ridiculed by my mind

Cursing through forests, fucked by time

My eyes are a sign

I am hardly broken

That is quite a compliment

I am broken, nest shattered

Birth possibly accidental, and I am a ruined rental

Destined for reconstruction

Little worth to be saved from reduction

I wonder at this alley’s light

It shines with the time left in my life

Goodbye, I’m Going Now


I’m going now

The house is full

But my heart is empty

Look at what they’ve done

Riddled me with questions

Punished me with scars

The downfall of marriage was not my fall

I’ve seen the ladies, I’ve seen them all

What am I do with the begging

Crawling, fingering, kissing

Desperation of the night

Except lay down my life

And say goodnight

Goodbye, Melody

So long, Memory

You were not my own, just on loan

And I am bankrupt with malcontent

These words do little to vent

My guilt and sins

I do sense a change, but not in me

Twittering outside my window

Begging for cents

Is it him, returning from the misery

Is it he, the forgotten man of mystery

Yet as I look at the glass

I realize there is no man

Only me

Could it be

That I was the passing fancy

And he

Was the savior all along?

What I Wanted Anyway

I guess you could say

I’m confused

Are my emotions being abused

Or I simply misreading

Like always

The scales don’t fall away

They just build up

I’m left in a rut

Emotionally, the San Andreas

I don’t know where I will bend

For how long

I do know that I can

But others have noticed as well

Maybe too well

I wish I could understand people’s faces

I wish I knew what they meant

But that would be wishing for my death

Maybe I wanted that anyway

Roads Ahead Scream Of Might

The road before me is empty
Without pavement, without man
Just vastness outlined
By a beaming horizon
Voices call on the moonless road
Voices call on me to come home
But where is past and present
In the cyclical winding of time
Where is mother and father
In a world where all of nature gives birth
Like I said, the road is empty
Potential pitfalls park only in your mind
Potential outfits change with your body
Space and time are just vehicles
To new worlds
The only crutch is your willingness to explore
To be happy with you, or in wanting more
Become a new creature with new expectations
And an ever climbing ceiling awaits those
Who run towards the dangerous and the dawn
Angels are shadows, demons are pawns
On the empty road before me
I slither, I crawl
I murmur, I bawl
On the empty road before me
Heartless writes glitter as fireflies
Hurtful rhymes sprinkle blood on the lights
Yet I trudge on through the night
Because the road before me is potential
And it screams of might

Our Boys Aren’t Alright

Home of the fatherless
Roads paved by the wanderers
This country is lost, losing all sense of sense
Splurging dollars but scraping cents
Because the boys have no essence
No authority at home, we walk the lonely
No leadership to follow, we become the lonely
Looking up to boosters, pimps, any homie
Stressed out, doped up, we make you lonely
Bullet in the thigh, bullet to the brain
They all bleed one way
Bullet in your heart, bullet in a hundred hearts
Anything to rip your reality apart
Because ours is in video game violence
And pornographic nonsense
Get killed? Press restart
Getting jacked off? Press restart
Watching dicks ripping open white asses
Fuck one, two, three, four, any moving thing
That wants to get smashed
Losing what makes us men, sitting on our asses
Gaming away, jerking away, every bit of life
Flushed away
Down these roads I see sons go
Kicked out at 18, the world seems so large
Left without a guide, mind becomes its own
Right away the thoughts start to grow
Before you know, you’ve created a monster
For you, four of you, get down on your knees
It’s time to blow
Some weed, some dicks
To the lost it’s all one trick
To the lonely, it only takes a click
And a trigger
Next thing you know, you’re bigger
Than your present, future, and past
You’re mowing down kids just like Trevor
Under a bridge, or speeding on the overpass
GTA helps you find your way
I’ve got this bitch motherfucker
Goodnight fucker, say your prayers
God don’t exist, but this AR-15 does
Bullets raining down, a dozen doves
Falling from the sky in the form of souls
Taken without remorse or regret
The boys of this country are paying forward
Debt incurred by fraudulent bankers, fathers
Who don’t know how to treat an investment
Good men, brave men, rise and grow
Until the world hears the wonders they know
But the troubled rot and riot
Stay up late, believing the lies
They have to buy it
Because there’s no one else
To hear their misery
So it’s left to us
To clean the blood they’ve spilt

Between The Lines

In between the lines

you can find who I really am

the love, the hate

I’m standing at second base

my face, my place

I’m still learning how to run this race

the joy, the shame

I’d give anything to try that date again

because in between these lines

is a long list of crime

among long lost time

my condition is completely benign

but the weight is a suicide assignment

no eye contact, no social outwardness

in a society run by extroverts

guys and their prowess run me over

girls and my expectations run me down

I really don’t fit anywhere

and I’m not going anywhere

I wish I could talk to you

I wish I could understand you

I wish I didn’t make you freak out

but that’s not my reality

so people don’t want to be apart of it

Nothing Worth Your Affection

inside these walls

trembling words stir in the depths

burgeoning, recovering

to show the world their best

inside these walls

the laughter echoes through halls

of stone and skulls, failed attempts

by those too kind to leave me

and ignorant to be left

inside these walls I close my eyes

and pray to the ceiling

I need strength

just one more day

because inside these walls

I am in oblivious peace

but I cannot stay here forever

so the masked man comes out

and the timid soul remains barren

hoping the shadows will bring me love

or her disappointment

I am nothing worthy of a woman’s affection