Misery Loves Me

32
You don’t want the light in
No
You’d rather be miserable
Getting attention from everyone around
The support stemming from desperation
Is almost worth being desperate
And penniless piles of weak smiles
Forced laughter
On top of a melancholy life
Are washed away for only moments at a time
The encouragement and support
Hardly outweigh the demons
Misery loves company, but few companies
Accompany misery
For it is a heavy burden, and a worthless one
Yet I see the masses embrace the slavery
I see them beat each other for a chance
To be at the top of the pity party
I see them throwing one another overboard
So the ship will sail faster, and they
Will have their reward of sorrow and sayings
“Hope you get better”, “prayers up”, and
“Love you so much”
Those words have never meant less
To those doing even less
Because until you find the root
The weeds will always grow back
Until you find the death
You can’t give anyone proper life
They will always be uprooted and erased
Swallowed up by a darkness they cannot see
A friend they cannot name
A heartbeat they cannot claim
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What Have You Done?

Clamped shut

By the eternal darkness

The moon turns away from my pathway

Even starlight fails to reach my feet

Hell sweeps up the dust of faded memories

They take shape and taunt

Today and tomorrow hide in the absence

Of honesty, of purity, and of sanity

Mind and body crumble, unable to evade

The ever present interdependent pain

Of breathing lungs and thinking brains

That deserve not life nor rights

But receive anyway

Deserving the highest form of pain

Yet given a second chance in spite of me

The mercy and grace is unbearable

Reflecting upon the burns on your hands

And the empty womb of an infertile heart

Feeling the cries of children you left for lost

Inconceivable wreckage lasting for millennia

What have you done?

To secure the futures of Mother Earth

Before Father Time takes you back?

Who created the sea and the land

That we pollute and irreversibly condemn?

Shame on our breath, shame on our hands

The spirits dance in unison for our disarray

We created, then created too much

We thought, then thought not enough

Living until we loved everyone but ourselves

Loving until we lived for everyone

But ourselves

Proliferating Opposites

Nobody needs walls

Billions just be destroyed

Billions to fall to erosion, weather, and time

Billions just to be a thorn

In the side of everyone

Builders toil, onlookers riot

And the people trying to be kept out

Keep finding their way in

The politics are why we get angry, or care less

The spectacle is why we pay attention

But is it worth it?

If you hate it so much, why is it on your lips

If you despise the notion, incessant chatter

Only fuels the energy behind it

We live in a country that is baseless

Lacking morality, and connection to others

Everything we say, everything we do

Has power, and it gives off energy

If you want something done, talk about it

Think about it

Write it, shout it, dream it

But if you don’t want something to happen

Then it shouldn’t be part of your conscious

Of course, that’s not how most of us function

And as long as the media exists

We’ll keep talking

Obsessed with what we claim to hate

Watching the opposite perpetually proliferate

Fitting In

Fit right in

Outside the depth

The darkness of humanity

Ignore the calamity, here’s a football game

Check out this nice pass

Demi Mawby’s nice rack

Here’s some slips of useless green paper

We call it cash

But long time ago it was backed by gold

Now it’s backed by nothing

Worthless, yet we deceive for it

Kill for it

It’s amazing what we do

So much for so little, we think ourselves value

But we’re nothing but meager dribbles

In the buckets the cosmos rain down

Sit right here

Class is in session

Humans have advanced to the point

Where we’ve regressed

America’s in a recession

Not because of Trump

Or the “supremacy” of white men

But because we forgot our values

We forgot what makes life worth living

Freedom, not because of a flag

But because of a God

Because of the essence of soul within

Given not by presidents nor parents

But the universe itself

Before you go

Remember not just who you live for

But why you live for them

Pain And Indecision

I have memories endless

And the words to detail them all

Yet I pretend not to know my past

Saying it was all awash

And not worth the time to discuss

The rains fall upon oft-walked ground

Ipull out a drink, because only silence

Can truly understand why I bleed

The rain is cold, the winds creep through

Yet bare skin hardly shudders, I’ve endured worse

Glasses fog up, becoming a hindrance to life

I feel with my heart, the only thing that feels right

Now I can remember everything that happened

I can, but I still won’t tell

Nature knows what I’ve done, but I’m still afraid

I feel the eyes of another watching over me

Casting doubtful glances upon my soul

I have a knife that could end it all

The truth I withhold could set me free

But I love the pain, I love the indecision

It’s all I’ve ever known

Half Hearted

Maybe summer’s finally here

The sun shines long and hard

Blades of grass tall and firm

I see bees, young birds in the trees

The clouds don’t hide the perfection

Of a clear blue sky

Or maybe I’m just losing consciousness

The failed surgery on a heart long lost

And lungs pitiful and putrid from breath

Wasted on the legs of one I couldn’t have

My eyes are nearly liquid in their sockets

And my ears fell off years ago

A miserable corpse would be too kind

I am truly the walking dead

Never enough hatred to make me immune

To the darling voices of angels

Sent to save my sorrowful past

Just enough love to make them think

I was worth saving

Simply, I cannot go on as I am

Simple and secluded, I am little as a man

But I am exhausted from being told I’m alive

I am tired of being the only true dead

Among the masses of half-hearted

Vessel Of Troubled Thoughts

The method of my madness

Is the confidence in blackness

In a meadow of white flowers

Some roses, some saps

In a forest of unintelligible raps

Small, handcrafted lines don’t stand a chance

And they never gave me one, no endorsement

But with patience and practice I absorbed it

Now wherever I go I pen the deepest passion

Without inspiration, just routine, no rations

Of any emotion I might be feeling at the time

Be it anger, be it guilt, be it sadness

That often warms as a thick quilt

Draped over a sick child in fits of agony

Don’t look at my misery, don’t behold

The catastrophe

But you can’t help but read, I can’t help but write

The tasers, headlamps, and body cams

The prisoners, the sentencers, the tweeters

They don’t scare me

Not nearly as much as I scare myself

Digging up these solemn regrets

And showing them off to the world

As if I were a vessel of troubled thoughts

With nothing left to give

What Words Bring

I had to get rid of me

To find Me

The suicidal depressions

And disappointment brewed

From pornographic misconceptions

The boiling, bawling anger I couldn’t control

Tearing myself from the flesh I called home

Descending into the valley, alone

I couldn’t come out until I figured how

Embrace my unique in a cookie cutter world

Screaming and crying until my nose would bleed

I was lost, so lost, it would seem

But when I went to sleep, I prayed to the walls

Please help me, lead me to something better

Something bigger and brighter than me

Everything in my eyes is failing, and I fell

Into dreams I haven’t had before or since

Wash my hands clean of the past

And embrace the new Me, the one you read

I don’t know what my own voice sounds like

Drowning in a chorus of many voices

Some needs are prioritized over others

But I always come back to the poet in Me

For words give me peace

Neither life nor death can bring

Bored (Simply Writing About Autism)

I became bored

Simply writing about autism

I felt like every one else

Just going on about the downfalls

The misery, the mistakes

It shouldn’t be ignored

But it has its place

I call it An Aspergian’s Chemical Romance

Because I mix love with the acidic burn

Of a childhood gone to waste

The adoration of poetry and prose

Through writing, failing, and gaining age

Withstanding the onslaught of emotion

And fear of being lost without a cause

This place became my refuge and devotion

Another round of poetic potion

Soothing rough edges of a world gone awry

Each line, each time, I raise the white flag

A sign that no matter what they call me

I will always be happy with how I’m made

I stain your glorious day

With a discord and blight

So you may never forget in your riches

There are those killed by your might

I felt with each breath a great pain

Now gone, this desire to feign my name