What If I Told You

 

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What if I told you

I wasn’t alone

and I had been lying

to you like her

I like you

(I adore you)

You’re a good person

(You’re my everything)

I think I’ll see you soon

(I love you already)

The darkness peels back

as the fabrics fall off

silky skin

Clothing lies in a trail

of tears in wonder

at the perfection

of delicate sin

Naked ambition

in a provocative rendition

of Leonardo’s Mona Lisa

Perfect woman

meets searching eyes

is there one inch

that doesn’t incite delight

Staring into crystal balls

falling back into the black

as we reach the pinnacle

of this devious waltz

Bodies tangled

reaching the fantasy of gravity

and the peak of agony

as quickly as she comes

we go our separate ways

the lights come on

and I’m jolted awake in pain

because what if I also

told you it was a dream

and I fell asleep alone

like every other night

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Sick Of The Autistic

I’m just sick

of the autistic

genius are some

interesting are none

ruining my world

causing my advances

to become undone

stimming is gross

do it somewhere else

pleasing yourself

to lower anxiety

you have less than none

in sympathy from me

you broken and breaking

mentally divergent fool

no program or grant

could ever amount

to the reality that you can’t

compete with me

don’t lie to me

they say be anything

but you’re nothing but a nuisance

to us

don’t fuss

just jump

and return to us our peace

who cares about your broken pieces

I’d taste just as sweet

if you weren’t analyzing so much

cut and bleed

stoop and scream

die and dream

you’ll never make it on your own

don’t try to be a hero

and why be a slave

when you can be a fraud

Love The Way You Lie

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spell binding twists that turn time
on its head, through the back door
sliding through shiny black dress
they say crank it whore, you now your role
burning your precious hole through a little hole
light my grass, inhibitions go fast
where the hell is our time going
speeding into a frenzied fair
losing my virginity in your hair
tangled and tasted, pink candy so fine
wed to be a roller coaster for all time
circus lights and juvenile fights
can’t compare to our fireworks tonight
out from the depths my hand reached for you
out of cosmic chaos and mass I found you
to adore you 
and the world erupts like your flower
fire and wings of dawn inside you
clutching your throat from behind
you stare back, bare back and thin glasses
face forever frozen in wonder and awe
until even the universe folds on itself
and passes

 

Contempt For Much (Most Of Which Is Me)

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light sprinkles

of rain hardly dampen

my desire for words

darkness brings them to life

storms and calamity set the stage right

and lightning crashes bring the light

my veins pulse and pound

from a heart that can’t contain what I love

brewing with contempt for so much

most of which is me

silent teenager with flash rages for grenades

don’t touch me

falling inside the cracks

brimming with tears from an unwanted past

and a seldom accepted future

alone

together with my dreams

that I can’t make come true

watch him sail off

a starship aloft with you

I’m still stuck in gravity

mind warps are boils anew

too much black and blue

to ever come true

and when I do

they leave

and I achieve

what the misunderstood have always

attention

but in the worst

possible

way

I’m no human

but a trial

so put the bunsen burner to my soul

and let me join my fellow spirits

somewhere they can’t get me

ever again

 

Your Pain Can Now Begin

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I don’t mourn the dead bodies

but the emotions

last forever

haunting memory until we submit

to inevitable will

she always pushed me

in the right direction

even when I was wrong

she took me back

sometimes I messed up

and we both laughed

until I pushed her beyond the lights

and onto the tracks

I left before the inevitable crash

walking slowly all the way

the night become day

in a shell of my former self

did your love now lay

I fondled and groped

the murderer of your hope

I slid into her faster

than the rusty metal over your throat

there was another besides you

and we couldn’t let you in

so now after death

does your pain truly begin

This Is For The Aspies

 

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(As of now, this is my favorite poem I’ve EVER written)

This is for the aspies

Locked way in their rooms

Drawing, writing, reading, singing

Trying to fight off the anxious meltdown

Sure to come soon

This is for the aspies

That couldn’t get homeschooled

And had to suffer in public school

I cant imagine what that was like

And if you got through, thank you, but it’s not right

This is for the aspies

Who wear the same outfit everyday

And flap their hands when excited

I see the stutters, stares, and stumbles

And I love it

Because this is for the aspies

That don’t get the recognition they deserve

I’ve seen the hands and heard the tongues that produce beautiful words

Works of science, art, and math

Or maybe something simple like just making their own path

This is for the aspies

You never see, but always find

Too anxious, too shy to notice the time

They’re there, but won’t trust

Their own voice

This is for the aspies

The ones that can’t find love

Or don’t know what to do with it

You’re amazing no matter what they say

No matter

This is for the aspies

I’m crying for you, I love hearing you

Because my own home is yours

Connected and tired of the correction

Your home is mine

This is for the aspies

Broken but not without fight

Or riding free, with everything going right

This is gospel for us all

Don’t let the outside take our life

The Trail Ran Cold Long Ago

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<cue the piano>

some day I wander

waiting for you

the trees grow green, then fade to brown

and here I’ve been

with only the sound

of faint breath

to stem the tide of anger

rising up inside

where are you

brown leaves are scattered with foot falls

as the crunching snow becomes my last call

the trail ran cold long ago

how far can a dove fall

before the crows come calling

the snow melts

under summer heat

but your darling face

I regrettably did meet

you ran far longer

and faster than I

not afraid of danger, the Queen of time

pushing boundaries until the end

no wonder your heart gave out

long before mine

<place hand on her heart>

 

Once and For All, Torn Apart

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deep underneath the guise

of dedication to fortune and fame

is the hollowed out heart

suffocating on its own misfortune and shame

will crushed into powder

to keep up the hallucination

of their minds ultimate game

of hunter and creation

spirit and soul

turned against each other

a stone to the head silences any doubt

Cain has killed his brother

sometimes I wonder

why I was even born

what is my purpose than to boil

in the cosmic soup of my own scorn

why do I love to hate myself so

beat my lungs until I’m sore

with words and writings

of a car crashed soul

there’s no where to put

this blood I’m losing

out of madness comes bruising

and organs shipped in cooling containers

because I’m basically tearing myself apart

these heavy breaths are the floating ark

in the flood of my heart

once and for all, torn apart

On The Never Ending Love (That Could Be You)

 

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Sunset falls on me again

I feel breaths rise inside

and escape through partially open mouth

sighs of relief

the doors close

they say goodnight

finally

the poet inside springs to life

to someone I’ve always liked

talking to you always feels right

sometimes I don’t know what to say

but you always seem to know the way

what I mean, you’re in my dreams

is that okay?

sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever see you, K

eternity seems so far away

until wordplay becomes, dare I say

foreplay

to what? maybe nothing

maybe years of talk and nothing else

but no matter the occasion

you’re the book I’ve always had

and whenever I’m down

I go to my favorite shelf

pour upon pages of self delight

reading your story makes me alright

and just when I’ve given up

you inspire me to fight

maybe you’re nothing

just a passing fancy of my mind

but you could also be something else

the never ending love of my life

 

 

Whisper To Me

 

whispering-in-ear

songs whisper to me

deep the valley of Mars

aliens strum away in crescent moons

Venus, fall into my arms so soon

traveling on a pathway of darkness

the words give me the light

wanderers we always have been

never alone but never truly at home

nuclear ties that love and lust

more and less we represent the best and worst

that is humanity

Adele calms me

hurting, crying, saying, regretting

she’s like me, far more talented

but just as broken by those who claimed to love

broken, huh

this world forgets how to remember

we suffer the calamity

if the earth is about peace

why is extinction the remedy

deep sigh

I wave goodbye

no, not you, HER

you know who you are

it’s like that sucker punch move in movies

when somebody starts running

and you think they’re coming for you

but then another person with outstretched arms

embraces them instead

it’s funny until it happens

to you

it’s funny until you realize

they always knew

people write their hearts

on your sleeves

but who’s willing to get close enough

to betray

and discover the secret to keeping the lie going

is the truth we never mention to tell