Between Bleeding and Breathing

I want to love you

But I can’t

There’s something sensual

And quite offensive

In the youth of your hands

Sometimes you’re fantastic

And I’d gladly lie by your side

Take up your mantle

Riding with you till the end of the line

Shadows in the foreground

Never scare me, never steal time

When I’m dancing with your darling

Sometimes you’re staunchly impossible

And I’d gladly take your life

Watch the crimson run from passionate eyes

You were never meant to go on

Only die by my hands, in every possible

Rendition of time

But time does tell me, you’re somewhere

In between

Killed and to be killed for

Beating and breathing

Bleeding

From the finality of lust

Bleeding

From the hatred of your breath

And I turned you to dust

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Is It The Feeling

Secret lovers

Just don’t talk anymore

I don’t talk to you

Because I don’t have to

Our love is enough, these thoughts we share

These thoughts are enough, though we don’t

Fight fair

We argue over glance and circumstance

They say we don’t have a chance

Why are two people like us making plans

To live forever, together

She didn’t want a set up

So I better not mess up, no time to wait on luck

I keep working hard, writing far

And hope my lines catch a wish

Because I wonder what it’s like to be you

Have others interested in you

Quite an itch I have for that feeling

But is it the feeling

Or do I have feelings for you

The Impossible Possible

It’s not up to you

It’s not up to me

It’s not impossible

To follow you to the end of the road

Walking this tightrope with you

Oceans will drown us out

Deserts will bury the sounds

And sights, such extraordinary views

With you

People can say it’s not meant to be

Jealous of this never-ending dream

Falling into this eternal sea

Choking on death, I am

From being close to this breathtaking you

I’d never let go

On this journey, to the great unknown

Towards the space and light we’d call our own

All the things that might get in the way

Of finding our home

Won’t matter, I’d rather be dead by your side

Then alive on my own

You’ve taken me and broken my insecurity

You’ve captured me and thrown me from a cliff

I’m not sure when I’ll ever stop falling

But something’s made me better

And that something was you

It’s up to me

It’s up to you

To make this world home

To make it our own

Beautiful. So. Fucking. Beautiful.

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Moonstruck
By the empty, vague
And eternally worthless
Promises
We were so young, easily confused
And betrayed by lust
We thought to angels as lovers
But the demons saw the stains of others
And through the slants in our eyes
They told a story
Anew with precious lines and petty lies
We were broken by the prologue
And the bridge was burned halfway
Because I couldn’t tell you to your face
And you only stared down at my hands
All the words I’d thrown, they were less than
Less than the moonlight upon our skin
Less than the starlight upon our sin
None of the lights above amount to any truth
None of the lights above could paint a picture
Of the sins in which we laid so clear
Yet I longed for your touch, it was sincere
The continuity I found in your lies
Reviving my dead beating soul with passion
Chasing the winds, falling through the clouds
Even as I’m writing I think of you now
So beautiful, so fucking beautiful
You don’t know how you’ve changed me
I smile when I was low
I cry when I was high
I breathed when I couldn’t stand
Because of you
I’m incomplete, overturned upon review
I’m failing, fragile, and fearful of the unsaid
“Go ahead, give it your best shot”
I’ve never been so afraid, to fail you is death
In my mind, it’s better I’d never been born
I love you like I do
I give to you the very best of me
And even in your smile
Even in your nod
I know it’s never enough

Bring Me Back From The Comatose

Sit on me and grind away
Eyes closed, face down
My mind isn’t here, it’s miles away
And I’d run away if it wasn’t for your lips
Red with the blood of my future
Eyes dripping with the black of my present
and my past
I’m such a miserable mess
But you bring me back to a comatose life
You go down and the bandwidth comes up
I’m shaking now, I’m electric now
And everything I touch quivers in shame
Because you’re through, I’ve unloaded
And now there’s nothing but odd silence
And buzzing emotions
We go again
And again
And again
And again
Each time it feels the same, but it’s like
I fell in love with you all over again
It’s not the repetition or your twitching thighs
It’s the things we learn about one another
Spoken without words, no framework or time
No heartache, no lies
Pure, unadulterated loving
I wish other people had in their lives

Left Alone With You

light takes off

into the abyss of memory

dusk and dawn forget how to behave

and I’m left alone with you

skin shivering from the warmth

radiating from our veins

deep green eyes

are the lighthouse to the end

of loneliness with you

fresh scars spill old blood

bonding ties become undone

and bruises never tasted so sweet

as I’m left alone with you

pumpkin flavored breath

seduces the fabric of my being

I’ve fallen for another

as I’m left alone

with you

I Tried Making A Sandcastle In The Winter

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Tonight

the snow is falling down

each flake, different from the rest

each flake is a peace offering from heaven

its very best

The white dust

tops the road

like icing on a cake

and with a cool kiss

it freezes windows, rivers, and lakes

The trees accept it all

with greedy, outstretched arms

they steal it out the air

a little like Marcus Peters

coming out of nowhere

and the ground is grateful

the grasses bless the stars

they hate to be buried for too long

Never mind bury

that word gets me teary

thinking about my newlywed, Evie

It’s been four years

since she was given angel wings

but it still hurts

it still makes me sing out

in church, at the grocery store, and in the shower

why she had to leave me

in the morning hour

so suddenly, in the blink of an eye

without a glimpse to say goodbye

She saw the child

and the car, going a hundred a mile

and without hesitance

saving him

was her mind and actions president

The child, thrown onto the sidewalk

nothing more than a bruise

but for Evie

her bloody lips became my muse

choking with catatonic lungs

gripping my wrists with pale hands

and then departing to forefather’s lands

Every winter since, I think of her

she left in conditions like this

every winter, I think of her

and have no one to share it with

My Dreams Are Backfiring Worse Than A Civil War Cannon

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 I’ve got a sunset in my veins

and a glittery moon in my eye

I’ve got a pocket of tiny stars

wishing you won’t say good bye

Every week

I ask the same question

but like the vastness of space

the appeal is unheard, sights go in different directions

Every week

I leave unsatisfied

courage strong, but hope waning

cause eventually you’ll say good bye

And I have no reason

to not let you go

but I’d forever be remiss

if I didn’t let you know

that your words don’t fall

on deaf ears

and your colorful, kinetic energy

clears away potential fears

Passions and ideas

span the centuries

and revelations

inspire me

I don’t know about you, but I’d love to grow old

and I hope you’d want the same

Hope you have room for one more troubled soul

because I’ve got to take a pill to make this town feel good again

 

Hey Coma, You’re Breaking My Heart

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 Where are you now

dear friend, dear friend

I’ve searched everywhere

but you’ve chosen to hide your face

I close my eyes and say

come home, come home

why do you refuse me

Do you not remember

the times we had

Did my love, my ways

not make you glad

Of all the people on Earth

there’s none I’d rather see than you

and of all the ways to spend this life

I’d only want it to be with you

The sun warms me

and the moon guides my night

but you’re not here, so incomplete

is my life

The stars cross the arch of space

while comets and space rocks race

but standing still is me

without you by my side

Maybe I’m trying to make possible

what fate has deemed unworthy

what if this is nothing

but a futile way to give my life meaning

please tell me

before I do what cannot be undone

 

Depressed: Too tired to live, but too tired to hide it

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Knock, knock

who’s there

no, why do I ask

you’re just going to give me another grievous task

Tick tock

I’m here

future is on the spot

I laugh, I joke, at the future I could have bought

but I didn’t want

because I was too afraid

too afraid to take control of my life

yet equally afraid to cleanse the strife

But where will I go

without other seeing my scars?

Where I will go

where they can’t see my face

and notice the black buttons that have taken their place

Pretending to be someone else

so I pretend to be who I was pretending to be yesterday

and then I see every cross eye cross out my heart

and in their lives I want no part

You’re chasing me, and I’m running for my life

but I’m running out of places to call life

So I’ll stop when I can take no more

and then I’ll finally know about Lennore