Dry Heaving Seasick Lullabies

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My poetry

is for sailors and captains

with troubled thoughts

the nooses and broken stools

with self esteems to match

the rainbows, the puzzles

and the misfits in between

the native, the foreigner

and border crossing dreams

the misconstrued woman

who raises her children alone

and the father who leaves his home

to serve his country

rappers may have gold, athletes green

but don’t forget the kids working at McDonalds

is the American Dream within their reach?

the white under the bridge

the black leaving the Oval Office

the Indian Chief

and the Japanese who sell their daughters

to make a living profit

My poetry is for all

under the sun

to storm the castle

and take the world back

overdose it

give it a heart attack

and wake us from the slumber

we’ve been trapped in

for so long

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The Arrogance I Shine

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bent and broken

my face the token

of your socialite policy

fears and flames awoken

by the silent shaming

of ears pricked up

hairs peeled back

when I make a statement

misinterpret a joke

the costume falls flat

and now I’m forced to reconcile

into the life and love I never had

it was plain to see

but it took them to crucify my heart

betrayed by a suicidal mind

to see the reality

I had ignored for so much time

they don’t care for me

they’re not the friends for me

don’t understand me

can’t reprimand me

because I do the same thing

everyday

because I don’t care about a thing

everyday

while you sit around waiting for me to change

oh hey

I’m insane

the arrogance I shine

tans you like an ultraviolet ray

I don’t think about what I say

because I really was born this way

I take no for an answer

because I’ll say yes to myself

I dish it because I can take it

look at the hand the devil’s dealt

feel the welts

no, they’re on the inside

feel the shockwaves

they flow every time

you start speaking

I start leaking

every ounce of content

until I’m bursting with anger

and all darkness

ceases with one final dagger

to the soul

now silent again

 

Autism Awareness Month Post Nineteen: Hey God, I Don’t Think I Thank You Enough

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(Actually, I know I don’t.)

When I was diagnosed with Aspergers four years ago, I honestly thought he was cursing me. Some punishment, I thought. (Probably for all the videos I used to watch, but that’s another story) Still, I had to live, even if I didn’t know why this burden was placed in my life. I hated my life. I hated everything about myself. Fast forward to today, and things are quiet different. My confidence (while not high) is growing a little every day, and I’ve accomplished a lot. (Published in Teen Ink’s October Edition of 2015…three award winning articles on Teen Ink’s website…staying published on SpillWords…joining an Art Council…getting a job at one of my favorite shops in Maryland…and voice behind a blog that’s followed by thousands) Despite my weaknesses and short-comings, I always seem to come out on top (or pretty close to it), and I owe it to nothing and no one but the divine. I had a rough childhood, and I did a lot of bad things as a kid, but to where I am today. To see how much you all love my words, and how much of an impact I’ve had on you…that tells me, and should tell you, that there’s someone watching us. Guiding us towards something greater than we could ever imagine. It’s truly relieving to know there’s someone watching your back….(and pulling you back when you’re about to walk into a trap)

 

Hey God,

I don’t think

I thank you enough

In fact, I know I don’t

every time the heart beats

and these lungs take in air

is an unbreakable seal

and confirmation that you are there

there isn’t a sunset

or season change

that you haven’t arranged

not a day or night

that you haven’t created

with your own might

I have a lot of weaknesses

food and sexy girls just two

but in spite of them I live

and I owe it all to you

and I have a lot of sadness

from being friendless

to struggling with Aspergers

but with your strength

I continue to live this

life you’ve given me

and every word that I write

causes me to see

that I am loved

beyond my downfalls and impurities

that I am loved

above all the evil inside of me

there’s not enough time

no matter of hours or days

could contain

the amount of praise

you deserve

but with my words

let your love be heard by all

and through me

may your grace save us

from the fall

 

Dear WordPress, I Start My First Job Today!

Today marks a HUGE milestone for me: The beginning of my very first job! After years of rejected applications and botched interviews, I didn’t think I’d get hired. But, that’s why God’s good. Just when you think you’ve failed, he opens a door and lifts you up.

I came in two weeks ago, thinking I didn’t get the job. Coming up to the counter, my new boss Ms.Wanda, said she wanted to talk to me. Since it had been two weeks since I had my interview, I was under the impression they had chosen someone else. She said that the reason behind her lack of contact was a surgery and that she wanted me, yes, ME, to come in and train the following week. I was so excited, because I’d never done this before. In spite of my lack of work history, and relative blandness when it came to my resume, I had been hired. Later that night, I went back here. To where I discovered who I was. I read the comments I’ve received, and more importantly, the hope inside of them.

From Sascha: “..So I hope that makes you feel a little less lonely knowing that we are here to hear you…”

From Rosema: “…you are so brave for letting us in your heart, your mind, your soul…” and “…don’t let them define you…”

From Summer: “..doesn’t mean there’s no hope for you. I believe there is hope for everyone 😊

From Tenacity T: “..You are so fucking amazing my friend. Never give up on anything..”

From Patty: “…You are way stronger than you think…”

From Brian: “…Dude, you are so not alone. Don’t let others define your reality…”

From Davy: “…Each step and each poem you write will help…”

From Midwest Fantasy: “…You know yourself. And you know what you want. You can have it…”

From Wallace Peach: “I believe that love will find you. ❤

There were so many more, but I couldn’t contain them all in one post. I realized that the positive energy you’ve given has helped me achieve,  and I couldn’t be more grateful. You all have been an incredible source of hope, inspiration, encouragement, redirection, and, in the best way you could ever be without any face-to-face contact, friendship.

I’ll be working at Mary’s Gourmet Coffee and Donuts on Friday’s from 2pm to 7 or 8pm, and maybe Saturday’s as well. If you’re in the area, don’t be shy and stop by!

(Ashland Marketplace Shopping Center, 11121 York Rd, Cockeysville, MD 21030)

 

What This Aspergian Wants The World To Hear

 

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Continuing my theme this month (some mix of sadness, memory, and disappointment), I wrote something akin to my first post of this month (https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/2017/01/01/i-dont-give-a-damn-about-the-new-year/?wref=tp), although with a less angered, more optimistic look at the world.

I want to write something

that will change the world

something that will free all words

and make curses unheard

I want these pages

to speak throughout time

the sages will tremble

and great voices will assemble

as in the dawning of ages

I want to write something

that will free every slave

so convict and convicter

could behave

so that prisoners could be freed

and trafficked girls

return to their mommies

I want to see nations rejoice

and all people

native and foreign

sing of peace in a loud voice

I want to write something

that turns the tide of war

gunners, pilots, and generals

find their chores to be a bore

Tear down the metal hammer

throw down the aces

let all ideas of torture

be abandoned

I want to write something

that shows that people

with disorders

are of the highest order

When you look

at our souls

set us free

when you see us

struggle and overcome

You too can believe

that we all can achieve

whatever is in our dreams

I want to write something

that gives hope

courage

and truth

Whether or not

this makes print

I know

this is it

 

 

Three Days, Three Quotes Challenge: Day Two

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Firstly…

I would like to thank https://allymomin5.wordpress.com/ for nominating me for the three quotes three days challenge. It’s my first time being nominated for something, and I’m honored that she picked me over so many more veteran bloggers. Do her a favor and go read her posts, too.

For the second day of the three days, three quotes challenge, I picked one of my favorite legendary NFL coaches, Vince Lombardi. He had so many powerful words, it’s really impossible to pick just three, but for this exercise I chose his quotes regarding faith.

  1. “When we place our dependence in God, we are unencumbered, and we have no worry. In fact, we may even be reckless, insofar as our part in the production is concerned. This confidence, this sureness of action, is both contagious and an aid to the perfect action. The rest is in the hands of God – and this is the same God, gentlemen, who has won all His battles up to now.”

2. “There are three things that are important to every man in this locker room. His God, his family, and the Green Bay Packers. In that order.”

3. “I derived my strength from daily mass and communion.”

Here are my nominees for Day Two

https://aubreysarch.com/

https://softlytranscending.wordpress.com/

https://millieschmidt.wordpress.com/

 

Here are the rules for the challenge,

  1. Three quotes for three days.
  2. Three nominees each day (no repetition).
  3. Thank the person who nominated you.
  4. Inform the nominees.