Vessel Of Troubled Thoughts

The method of my madness

Is the confidence in blackness

In a meadow of white flowers

Some roses, some saps

In a forest of unintelligible raps

Small, handcrafted lines don’t stand a chance

And they never gave me one, no endorsement

But with patience and practice I absorbed it

Now wherever I go I pen the deepest passion

Without inspiration, just routine, no rations

Of any emotion I might be feeling at the time

Be it anger, be it guilt, be it sadness

That often warms as a thick quilt

Draped over a sick child in fits of agony

Don’t look at my misery, don’t behold

The catastrophe

But you can’t help but read, I can’t help but write

The tasers, headlamps, and body cams

The prisoners, the sentencers, the tweeters

They don’t scare me

Not nearly as much as I scare myself

Digging up these solemn regrets

And showing them off to the world

As if I were a vessel of troubled thoughts

With nothing left to give

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Bored (Simply Writing About Autism)

I became bored

Simply writing about autism

I felt like every one else

Just going on about the downfalls

The misery, the mistakes

It shouldn’t be ignored

But it has its place

I call it An Aspergian’s Chemical Romance

Because I mix love with the acidic burn

Of a childhood gone to waste

The adoration of poetry and prose

Through writing, failing, and gaining age

Withstanding the onslaught of emotion

And fear of being lost without a cause

This place became my refuge and devotion

Another round of poetic potion

Soothing rough edges of a world gone awry

Each line, each time, I raise the white flag

A sign that no matter what they call me

I will always be happy with how I’m made

I stain your glorious day

With a discord and blight

So you may never forget in your riches

There are those killed by your might

I felt with each breath a great pain

Now gone, this desire to feign my name

Nobody Listens To Me

Why should I listen

Nobody listens to me

When I say I’m tired, pouring on the pain

Becomes involuntary

Like the assumption that I’m slower

Or not there at all

Because I’m so still, so quiet

Thinking, wondering, adding

Really, you should try it

But don’t ever ask how I’m feeling, no

They only see what is thought to be insolence

And I became the last one picked for anything

I become the last on their minds, if it all

I become the first to reply, and the first to fall

Somehow I thrive and relish it all

The agony of being the only one in the group

Without someone who you’re close to

Who understands you, who cares about you

What I would give for a perfect son like that

But what I wouldn’t would be a longer list

Because in the space of time I am missed

I refuel with the words of my ancestors

Fellow writers, and leaders that inspire

If anyone is listening to me, it is them

Through the pages of history I am restored

Vindication shall be mine, and more

I’m Okay With This

Got a knack for poetry

Crafting heartfelt lines

Borne of an outsider

Watching the world go by

Never done what people said, got into trouble

World’s not kind to my kind, be in my bubble

Silently preying on those with open hearts

Check my blogs, see a lot of orange dots

I didn’t make a lot of friends when I was young

But when you comment “well done”

“Amazing” and “❤️

The words become alive, the evil undone

My father wasn’t kind to me, but you are

And I’m not finished, but I’ve come far

My life is a battleground, this means war

My heart is a bunker, these words mortars

My spine is a fortress, these tears are arrows

Tipped with fire

The invisible wires around my people

Will one day fall as I climb the steeple

Of supremacy and statues

Identity and virtues

But until then, I’ll keep writing

And you keep telling me how you feel

We’re connected, you and I

Even on a technological level

And I’m okay with that

But He Had Slaves Too

500 mystic eden

No stopping

Reserved parking

Caroline dances on Handlebar Cafe

Fitting the point inside till the other dancers

Are green with envy

The tattoo of silver bonds on her thighs

Shows her availability for love and list tonight

Her future is for rent

Sorrow a one way street

Fifteen minute limit

The national alliance of women wandering

Discounted rates on this broadway of shame

The cabaret is a lounge for convenience

Register their souls and watch them fly

Stop

Her prime is united with a mission

The office of woman is creation

Five star citizens they truly are

Devoured by wolves near and far

A general like Washington might save her

But he had slaves too

Without Words, Who Am I

I’m falling into wordless whispers

Rap and pop filled nights

Paint a picture behind these bridges

Behind the words of these writes

I’m angered, I’m restless

In the pursuit of the passion

For these words there is no detour

This endless highway I will forever traverse

In these words, they can’t get to me

Stand behind these bars like a criminal

Yet freed from their boring ways, so cyclical

Long eyelashes and red lips kiss my fingers

Rushing her vulva over my face, so ethereal

Taking me somewhere I never wanted to go

But was always meant to be

The songs of night are the voice calling to me

And I leave them on speed dial

When I’m pushing a broom, cleaning my room

Or up late studying for that Math test

My mind’s racing, it’s always wild

And when I’m supposed to be listening

I’m thinking of words to write, a separate file

Where I store the very honest bits of me

Find them here

And learn how I came to be

I don’t talk much, but I write too little

I can always add another verse

Another stanza

Because without words

Who am I

You’re Never Enough For Me

I love you

Resting in my heart

You’ve tied my hands around your face

And left me speechless

In the wake of my doubt and distraction

Opening my love to others

And my voice to you

Spinning in endless circles with you

I’ve found a place I can call home

I found people I can friends

Safety for a lost soul

Comfort in the trust of one another

We do not share blood

Or maybe we do

I don’t know if I’d be here without you

I’m smiling to hold back the tears

We departing

But never gone

Never forgotten

This lasting resonance inside of me

Never enough

To simply say goodbye

I say until next time

Because I’m sure we’ll meet again

But if not

Because I cannot predict time or fate

Then thank you for your kindness

And courage

To accept me into your circle

Now I must go my own way

Determined to give back to the world

That gave me you

That gave the first word

In a never ending sentence

A promise

Of something greater

Let’s Talk About Love

Let’s talk about love

The familiarity of closeness

Through the drum of devotion

Beating mercilessly into the nights

Full of mercy and grace

From the gratitude to be in place

To be in this place, with you

Never further, never closer

Always at the right place and time

Beating my conscious daily

Because you’re always on my mind

And I’m okay with that

Because when I stare off into the woods

Feeling the wind at my back

The whispers in my ears

The lips on my cheek

I know why I fell for you

And why we’re here

All the words of tender fervor

All the stars are closer

When I think of you today

And while your dreams of me

Are on their way

Let’s talk about love

The Impossible Possible

It’s not up to you

It’s not up to me

It’s not impossible

To follow you to the end of the road

Walking this tightrope with you

Oceans will drown us out

Deserts will bury the sounds

And sights, such extraordinary views

With you

People can say it’s not meant to be

Jealous of this never-ending dream

Falling into this eternal sea

Choking on death, I am

From being close to this breathtaking you

I’d never let go

On this journey, to the great unknown

Towards the space and light we’d call our own

All the things that might get in the way

Of finding our home

Won’t matter, I’d rather be dead by your side

Then alive on my own

You’ve taken me and broken my insecurity

You’ve captured me and thrown me from a cliff

I’m not sure when I’ll ever stop falling

But something’s made me better

And that something was you

It’s up to me

It’s up to you

To make this world home

To make it our own

Ink Marks The Pain I Crave

Bloodshot eyes

Tremble under the weight of light

Stuck to bed for two days

Three nights

Swollen lips, burning head

I’ve gone astray

Some way, somehow

Waging war against the body of mine

Time after time we devour the lies

The graveyards mark our disdain

For truth

Stars twinkling in the infinity on high

Lead me back to you

I’m sorry if I said I needed you

I was so wrong, so wrong

I’m sorry if I told you I loved you

I was right, so right

Because I can’t just have you

I must possess your breath

Breathe in the presence of your being

I don’t care where we go

As long as we reach it together

Blood spilling from my eyes, ink searing

From my back, I fade in and out the black

And you’re there, forever

The sickness clamps throats so tight

But I cannot say goodnight

Not tonight

I’m sorry if I said I needed you

I was wrong, so wrong

I meant to say I wanted

This humanistic desire to taste and be hungry

To drink and be thirsty

To be born and undeveloped

To live and crave the final trembling of breath

I possess the worst and best

Of you