Not Breaking, But Broken

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I’m still addicted

to their bodies dancing

in the pretense of love at night

it’s sinful to desire such actions

that strip away morality, security

and life

but that’s me

skilled at little

vain and arrogant in much

tonight I don’t want likes or comments

just some honesty for once

but that’s just me

too weak to give it up

but strong enough to endure till tomorrow

I care about what you think

I care about what they say

and when the replies seem to be ending

the doubt eagerly becomes brimming

inside and alive

seams left unchecked

the internal war is between me

and me alone, direct

to the point

swelling in my joints

I fall to my knees

I’m breaking it may seem

but I’m quite broken

and no one in this fairy tale

even tries to put me

back together

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Our Flash Fiction Marriage (Mirage)

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I don’t care

I never did

I just wanted

You

To love me

That’s all

I ever wanted

Just a moment of your time

A sunset lit

Front porch

Late July evening

With a pretty face like yours

Freckled with green

Lanterns in a soul

Like Irish luck

Poetic eyes

With an R-rated mind

Wrapped in the body of a flash fiction marriage

Or mirage

Because when the night falls

The admiration fails

All possible desire

Sunlight is a Chris Sale

And each one of my dreams

Is retired

I could run all night

Just to remember that dream

Cause I got one shot at love

And

I

Missed

My Poetry Is

 

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My poetry

is long awaited sunset

on a lover’s winter night

My poetry

is a flashlight on the entrails

of the horror film called Life

My poetry

is a camera

on the heart of Titanic

Beautiful

but tormented

Acclaimed

and cursed

My poetry

is an anchor

and a mast

a tsunami

and a covenant

conviction

from the conflicted

moaning

behind near perfect diction

My poetry

is the other side of the railway tracks

The backside

catching all the jack

Telling my truth

emasculates me

to that of a bee

giving little

but losing all

so you might avoid

where I’ve stumbled

and crawled

My poetry may be autistic

from hands suddenly active

but the lips are rigid

and mind narrow

My poetry may be saddening

inspirational

or nothing to you at all

but it’s my lifeline

brink

brink

breaking

that’s my heart aching

and another poem

that needs your saving

 

 

 

Basically I Like You But I’m Really Bad At Saying Why

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when I like them

I become the oddest creature

you would ever witness

elevated well above

my natural habitat

I feel strong suddenly

and I am proud of that

I spill too many words

even my poems feel bare

and I rave inwardly of accomplishments

I’ll probably never reclaim

or I become insanely aggressive

not physically

but mentally

I choose my words more carefully

as to tell as much

through as little as can be

I become reckless

and careless of the journey

for the sake of destination

words meant from friends

become public access

now I am ashamed of the natural

and am left to reside

in a shell of tepid posture

and gradual resignation

I shall never achieve

whispers behind backs

become the bonds to my railway tracks

and every breath is a wheel

that makes death

a little more sadistic

 

Love The Way You Lie

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spell binding twists that turn time
on its head, through the back door
sliding through shiny black dress
they say crank it whore, you now your role
burning your precious hole through a little hole
light my grass, inhibitions go fast
where the hell is our time going
speeding into a frenzied fair
losing my virginity in your hair
tangled and tasted, pink candy so fine
wed to be a roller coaster for all time
circus lights and juvenile fights
can’t compare to our fireworks tonight
out from the depths my hand reached for you
out of cosmic chaos and mass I found you
to adore you 
and the world erupts like your flower
fire and wings of dawn inside you
clutching your throat from behind
you stare back, bare back and thin glasses
face forever frozen in wonder and awe
until even the universe folds on itself
and passes

 

On The Never Ending Love (That Could Be You)

 

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Sunset falls on me again

I feel breaths rise inside

and escape through partially open mouth

sighs of relief

the doors close

they say goodnight

finally

the poet inside springs to life

to someone I’ve always liked

talking to you always feels right

sometimes I don’t know what to say

but you always seem to know the way

what I mean, you’re in my dreams

is that okay?

sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever see you, K

eternity seems so far away

until wordplay becomes, dare I say

foreplay

to what? maybe nothing

maybe years of talk and nothing else

but no matter the occasion

you’re the book I’ve always had

and whenever I’m down

I go to my favorite shelf

pour upon pages of self delight

reading your story makes me alright

and just when I’ve given up

you inspire me to fight

maybe you’re nothing

just a passing fancy of my mind

but you could also be something else

the never ending love of my life

 

 

Child Born Of Tremor and Turmoil

 

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writing is my love

my life

the beginning and end

of an always speaking wife

we noticed one another

while drifting away from life

on the verge of exiting

she stole the knife

we courted on balconies

piers

and windows crept through

by cellphone light

we wed four years ago

happy as could be

believing us

is all we would ever need

marriage is not

without difficulty

for to unify two individuals

someone must be subverted

to keep the peace of another

so I remained silent

pregnant by another

far more ravenous insatiable lover

and when the night falls

I run to her

begging to be spared

and spare the world

of a child born of tremor

and turmoil

agony agony I cry

why do you leave me alone

to perish

Autism Awareness Month Post Twenty: A Hypothetical Relationship Between Two Aspergians

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I figured it out

figured it out from black and white

I can’t pretend to be someone else

as much as I know it would make things right

between you and I

between you and I

I can’t be like them

the voicemail to God asking to make me normal

never got returned

and all these years

with countless advances spurned

now you know why

you and I

will never work out

because there’s no room for love

in the sea of my anxiety and doubt

You know I’d love you

to the moon and back

if I wasn’t so weird

and attracted to the beauty of the black

that’s what makes this so hard

I do and I don’t

have what it takes to be with you

and knowing I’ll never have a chance

shrinks any happiness

inside these pants

you and I

destined to be watchers, I suppose

without a hand to give one another

and filled with two hearts

that will never grow

passively watching the world go round

we cover our ears

at sudden sounds

and I’d call you out to dance with me

but we’ll miss subtly

of why I called to begin with

between you and I

it seems we were made for each other

but to everyone else

we’re just too desperate

to find other lovers

or too

disabled

we couldn’t get anyone else

anyway

 

 

 

My Dreams Are Backfiring Worse Than A Civil War Cannon

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 I’ve got a sunset in my veins

and a glittery moon in my eye

I’ve got a pocket of tiny stars

wishing you won’t say good bye

Every week

I ask the same question

but like the vastness of space

the appeal is unheard, sights go in different directions

Every week

I leave unsatisfied

courage strong, but hope waning

cause eventually you’ll say good bye

And I have no reason

to not let you go

but I’d forever be remiss

if I didn’t let you know

that your words don’t fall

on deaf ears

and your colorful, kinetic energy

clears away potential fears

Passions and ideas

span the centuries

and revelations

inspire me

I don’t know about you, but I’d love to grow old

and I hope you’d want the same

Hope you have room for one more troubled soul

because I’ve got to take a pill to make this town feel good again

 

Love, Sway This Aspergian Mind (The Hole Is The Likelyhood Of It Happening)

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First off, I joined Facebook. You can find me under my name, Devereaux Frazier. Secondly, I got the comment thing figured out. Some of my comments on some blogs were being caught as spam, which is weird (I don’t leave links or the like), but others didn’t and everything is okay.

Tonight’s poem is on love, and all this Valentine’s Day stuff is being beamed into my head and I feel terrible. I’m single, and it sucks. Thankfully, it’s just one day, but boy…I’m counting down the hours till it’s over. I’m tense, disappointed, and hopeful for a new life, and I hope this poem conveys that…(I chose a murky painting, because that’s how I’m feelin’)

 

Aspergers keeps me from connecting

and in shyness I go on letting

sweet girls go by

I wish I had one

just one

Sway my mind

 

Another morning

another sunrise

Look! It’s almost time

to put on my disguise

so that they never know

that I think too slow

and love

that special love

I’ve never known

 

I guess you could say

that it’s not meant to be

that I’ll always be my own special lover

Content, but lonely

True, but only

and the chapter is the same, every single day

 

Confident as I am

I’d hate to die alone

Honesty and truth, I’ve sown

but without the nurturing

of a special one’s sweet love

faded opportunity

before it reached the ground above

 

It’s not about money

it’s not about time

it’s about unearthing the treasures

that could very well be mine

but I’m ill-equipped

to search the mines

just some pointy sticks

A step above twigs

How could I find

even the tiniest of reserves

when after years of being burned

I burn out and give up the ghost

 

The shadow of something

I’ve never named

but wishing

to one day claim

No Easy button, no clues to follow

just a mire of faces

and anxiety to swallow