Taking Back My Life

White light

Switch the day

to night

Black as whips

Cross my skin

I fight

As breath is faint and light

Cross my body go chains of steel

I fail

As hunger burns heavy and tight

The American Dream is frail

As the tears that take vision from my eyes

From my family, from my future

And everything and everyone I hold dear

I’ll never be like you, and always in fear

Of what they might do

Because I’m not like you

Jogging through the city to find my peace

I still can’t find a seat to eat from this table

It’s a fantasy, but these cramps are real

Building my endurance through literature

I cannot outbid you, but I can out write you

I can speak of men young and old

Shatter your old and refurbished ways

The sun shines on me, on this new day

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Between Bleeding and Breathing

I want to love you

But I can’t

There’s something sensual

And quite offensive

In the youth of your hands

Sometimes you’re fantastic

And I’d gladly lie by your side

Take up your mantle

Riding with you till the end of the line

Shadows in the foreground

Never scare me, never steal time

When I’m dancing with your darling

Sometimes you’re staunchly impossible

And I’d gladly take your life

Watch the crimson run from passionate eyes

You were never meant to go on

Only die by my hands, in every possible

Rendition of time

But time does tell me, you’re somewhere

In between

Killed and to be killed for

Beating and breathing

Bleeding

From the finality of lust

Bleeding

From the hatred of your breath

And I turned you to dust

My Words Probably Won’t Go Far

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Holding back tears
As I write these words
I’ve been so sad lately
You can probably tell
Truthfully I always feel like crying
There’s just so much evil, so much dark
I feel like a new low is reached each day
And I pray
I’m saved from it
But what good is running from the fight
And taking your light with you
As much as it hurts
To write these words
As much as I know
How little safety they bring you
As much as I know
How little they actually change
As much as I know
Deep down
This is probably the farthest they’ll ever go
I hope they ease you tonight
They come from a place
Where the light will finally shine
Upon all men
Where there will truly be peace
And I can’t wait until now
Becomes then

Bring Me Back From The Comatose

Sit on me and grind away
Eyes closed, face down
My mind isn’t here, it’s miles away
And I’d run away if it wasn’t for your lips
Red with the blood of my future
Eyes dripping with the black of my present
and my past
I’m such a miserable mess
But you bring me back to a comatose life
You go down and the bandwidth comes up
I’m shaking now, I’m electric now
And everything I touch quivers in shame
Because you’re through, I’ve unloaded
And now there’s nothing but odd silence
And buzzing emotions
We go again
And again
And again
And again
Each time it feels the same, but it’s like
I fell in love with you all over again
It’s not the repetition or your twitching thighs
It’s the things we learn about one another
Spoken without words, no framework or time
No heartache, no lies
Pure, unadulterated loving
I wish other people had in their lives

The Menace Inside Makes Me Young Again

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Shadows convene

at the edge of every alley

one foot planted in reality

the other against the wall

smoking cigarettes by the carton

breathing in the toxic waste

of a choking humanity

and out come black fumes

so sensual in wafting

from nostril to nostril

even the prostitute looks up from her slumber

and pleasures herself once more

together in twilight

they burn the ashes of dead dreams

and light the fire of forget

roll in the cunning of a serpent

and blow it as sweetly as a promiscuous witch

sweeter than the honey

that drips from hardened nipples

hanging lower than the blade

of guillotines sent to punish the adulterer

strip me bare and beat me blind

I scream I’m yours, I’m yours

as the skin peels back, dancing

to half time

throwing fuel around my feet

the soul gasping for air

raises itself higher on the cross

while the aborted fetus bleats

I love the menace inside

every day I age

she makes me young again

 

 

Panic Stricken Heart Of A Lonely Autistic

Staring at sunlight

falling behind fading clouds

as the crickets sing each other to sleep

I turn away from the world

slide down the wall

trying to feel where the breaths hurt

the floorboards creaking

and the backdoor shaking

brings back memories

I tried to put them out

no amount of rent could cover the charges

of eighteen years of pain

but they don’t listen to me, they don’t care

they made fun of my name

Fearing the worst, I back into a corner

putting my hands in front of my eyes

maybe they’ll take me

take me away for good this time

that’s foolish, because they never do

enough hate to paralyze you

but just enough love to open you up

to make you do it all again

the lights outside try to find me

but I’m hidden in the deep

you can call my name

but I’m hidden in a dream

the rabbit hole

that never ends

the doctor who said I was healed

was playing pretend

I live life one third open

and three-fourths closed

hating your presence mostly

but secretly wishing

 you’ll take me home

to a place of sunshine and clouds

flowering fields and trees

to happily cry under

and removing the doubts

that have plagued me for so long

I, finally, can lift my head

and sing a happy song

If only such a place

existed in my world

If only…

 

Nighttime Wishes And Boardwalk Kisses

 

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As the moon shimmers

on the bay

Love me underneath the neon lights

take me away

To the depths of the sea, or the ripples

touching the shore

as the waters lap against the boardwalk

I know I love you more

than the arms of the ocean

wrapped around the globe three times

Day or night

rain or shine

Please, I’m only asking once: Be Mine

If I had one wish

to last me through a hundred nights

then my wish

is to make it with you

Skin and bones

show a soul wanting to grow slow

but my drifting reflection

shows what you and I know

Venus, in all her evening glory

doesn’t compare to what we are, so boldly

going where we’ve never gone before

It’s taking me higher and higher

to what used to seem impossible

I wish, I wish

upon a star

I wish that whether we be bear or far

Our love may never die

just as the stars we love sing the praises

of the infinity on high

 

An Aspergian’s Chemical Romance

wamtac

No backstory, just one of the hardest poems I’ve ever written 😦

Every day

is a battle for unclaimed ground

and most times

the anguish of defeat

is the only sound heard

Every night

I try to hold on to inches

the struggle, the fight

sometimes lasts a sentence

my heartbeat

that faded away a long time ago

unresponsive to love

even a smile, I barely know

every breath is a snow day

trapped inside

poisoned lungs

a chemical romance

between fear and anxiety bred

from failed relationships

you don’t her face

you never heard her laugh

you don’t why her leaving

broke me

made me crash

I flew through twin towers

addiction with conviction

every breath lost

I gained in moments

breathing harder

I went back farther

every climax

brought her back

don’t tell me

what to do

faced with that kind

of lost love

you’d do it too

I ever had anyone

to call friend

until she pressed send

and since

the dents in this titanium heart

are more visible

than ever before

once more, I open this door

let in the rushing wind

and bitter winter air

I deserve it

yes, it’s only fair

she’ll punish me

every time I try to win her back

but she’s too far away

and I’ve fallen inside

the black

I took a chance

a dare

didn’t know

where I was going

far away from home

into an unknown

guided by

an invisible hand

I was treated to a brief stay

we came close

so close

I wished to stay by her side

to love her, call her mine

the time felt right

thought I was old enough

knew what I was doing

little did I realize, I wasn’t the one doing the choosing

we split apart

for unknown reasons

you could ask the seasons

you could ask the sky

but they won’t tell me why

I hate myself

throwing away a beautiful girl

stupid me

stupid me

I haven’t come close since

I haven’t even tried

scared to lose another

my  tendencies, I can’t smother

Death Is My Friend, Don’t Make Me Call In A Favor

wamtac

Death is my friend

don’t make me call in a favor

I know how to cover the tracks, and come back for more later

See the wind blow?

Got my name on it

Ever find me?

Don’t bet on it

I make people scream

run out your home, little girl

Lie awake in deathly fever dream

blood and bile they hurl

I wake up

when you kiss her goodnight

and I don’t go slow

Make sure she holds on tight

Pour out your oil

and mumble your words

I’ll make you quick work

before anyone ever heard

Don’t wake up

for I’ll be home soon

and watch the blood

cover the moon