Needles and The Need For You

Last weekend, I put out a call for writing collaborations to pass the time during what’s been a fairly wet and somewhat dreary time of year. I haven’t done too many collabs (although that’s something I really wanted to change). Fortunately, I know a few good writers not only here but through my Instagram page. One of my favorites, Emily Hayes (who goes by E.R. Hayes on her insta), was eager to join forces. We wound up writing three distinct pieces, and I was thrilled to write and discuss words feedback. Her bio is short but poignant, as she states I’m just a 17 year old trying to make a positive impact on the world through my writing. I always applaud fellow young writers who want to leave their mark through words, especially when they’re as talented as Emily. You can find more of her fantastic words here Emily Hayes. This piece is the third of a three part series. You can read the first here, Death Plays a Quivering Chord

(Emily)

Bundles of needles protrude from my skull

In deep incisions

My left arm is crimson, my self worth

Is missing, the IV is dripping

The doctors won’t listen and you’ve never

Listened, so nothing is different

Well, some things are different like

The migraine that lingers

But I’m sure you’ll say I made it up

Because you never figure

I’ll never have the confidence to pull the

Trigger

But what if I do? What if I do?

What would you do if I added a bullet to

The group of throbbing needles?

What would you feel? What would you

Feel?

Would you care if my porcelain skin lay in

Pieces?

I don’t think you’d care, since you’ve never

Cared

But I know I care and since I care, instead

Of dying I’ll lie in despair

(Me)

Surprise, surprise I never do die

I’m lying in between heaven and hell

I just fall away from the antisocial social media

I deprive myself of the Facebook and Twitter

And do an about face regarding words I say

My left arm is tied to my outside, my self worth gone awry

Fulfilled by everyone else’s wishes, not mine

My right arm is tied to my inside, conscience

Smiling goodbye

Rejected by everyone else’s wishes, not mine

But what if I did, for a moment

Follow my own ambitions, what would change

What if I decided to let the others fall away

Like the blood from the IV I’ve cut loose

I grip the edge of the bed and stare out

Into the empty hallway, no longer in doubt

Their screams to lie back down fall down

Around my bare feet gripping wet tiles

I can finally see what I have to do

And it entails all of me, and none of you

I know you don’t care now that I’m free

Wanting to be a slave to you and me

I know If I live I will surely die

But if I die I will finally let the other live

The other me

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Loving Back

Breaking in the chasm between your breath

Exhale

Only to be swallowed by oneself

Woe is the newcomer to lonely solitude

Only adored by oneself, kissed by oneself

Letting go and never does a hand reach out

Falling into old fashioned drunkenness

Kill me, kill me, if you cannot see me

Bury me, bury me, if you cannot free me

What is life in the mirage, what is the shadow

What is blood if the veins are encased in skin

Trapped in an organism chained in the shallow

What is beauty forever enslaved to eyes

Who glare but a moment through a glass

And forgotten evermore

I see not love in the lust for freedom

In doing so become slave to impossible

But in lust for love you will find it

Only be sure that you are ready

To be loved back

What We Both Know

I could never, ever tell you why

There’s something underneath the shadows

Of my eyes, of the time, of the rhymes

I spend in excess devoted to you

There’s a lady in white, smiling right back at me

There’s a lady in white, smiling in the mirror

Right behind me

At first, I thought she was looking at us

Casting a glamorous countenance

Upon a shy man

Then I thought she was looking beyond

Casting a mirage upon parched maleness

Waters to be drunk only in the mind

Of a selectively silent man

Unafraid to write “ask” but afraid to say

Now I know she was looking neither at me

Nor behind me

But instead, through me

Wondering at the hole in my heart would lead

Pondering at the emptiness in my voice

As it leaves trembling diaphragm

Why are my written words so strong

But spoken so weak

Why do I attract other writers, confident and cunning

But hardly any friends

Am I genuinely becoming a loner in the making

Or something else altogether

Is that what she is looking for?

I wish she’d tell me she loved me

I wish she’d tell me she cares

Instead of never mind

Or hours of painful silence

I wish I could tell her face to face

What I think we both know is true

Heaven Knows

broken
Heaven knows I’m past the age of redemption
And hell knows I’m far too young
To place a reservation
Strapped to eclectic chairs of electric insanity
Watching people torment and torture
Revoke and revolt at the issues they allowed
To boil over and burn them in their indecency
If you hate the president your country elected
Leave it
If you don’t like the life you’ve created
Change it
Or kill it
There’s very, very little in between
Complaints rising unto heaven, Lord bless
These shallow hearts and wrecked minds
Reserve me not a spot in paradise
Nor a bullet to escape the world I’ve created
But rather a pen and a map to reshape it
Every day I fall and create pitfalls for others
So too everyday I must rebuild and replenish
Or else fail what I was sent to recover
Earth feels too small sometimes, for me
There’s not enough new to see
Everyone enjoys recycled news, stolen bits
And lame-duck candidates who fail us all
Somehow I wake up each day and hope
That the sky will be a different color
Clouds will mingle with the ground
And gravity will disappear
I’m tired of doing the same things
And that’s why I write
To create the world I know can exist
Without everyone else set to ruin it

Ink and Irrelevance

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Ink conveys neither life nor death
Blood suggests neither man nor woman
Breath itself tells me very little
About who you are, and more importantly
Why
The object of this life we’ve been given
Is not to accumulate or accomplish
But to prepare and introspect
On what’s been done, is happening
And will be done, either by us or others
The heart doesn’t start beating
Until it has a purpose
The lungs won’t start taking in the air
Until they’re told they are meant to sustain
Blood flows not from heart to brain
Until there is someone to hold and nurture
So too we are, writers, conveying the deep
And promising readers explanations
Of what the common man cannot comprehend
It is up to us to demonstrate the subtle calls
Of a world gone awry, and through words
Restore the order that keeps us moving
Onward is the path we lay, the words come
Night and day, and though the construction
Can tire, consume, and even weigh heavy
The thought of more dying because of us
Unwillingness to serve our fellow man
The cause motivates to inspire, create
And reimagine everything we have seen
I will see the afterlife
Not because I’m guaranteed heaven
But because I’ve created it here
And I know whoever inherits it will be full
Of all the peace I left in my stead
My greatest achievement as a writer
Is not volumes, full bookshelves, and contracts
But the smiles of happy children
The sunrise on a grateful universe
For keeping the balance it desperately needs
To ensure the survival of life

What Comes Next

How could I know they would betray me

All this time I thought we were inseparable

All this time

I thought we’d go to the end of line

But that line has been drawn suddenly

And it is here

Where we must depart

Going separate ways is in many ways foreign

To someone who has always had you by me

I’ve always made expensive mistakes

And you’ve paid each and every one of them

Maybe that’s why you have to leave

Because I pushed you away

Too soon I acted, too quick I reacted

And now I’m watching you leave, forever

Possibly

I didn’t know how to have friends, so I gained

Didn’t know how to keep, so I lost

Didn’t how I could die, so I lived

Now I’ve lived too much

You know what comes next

The Problem Is Me

folding
There’s nothing left inside
Neither strength nor compassion
Peace nor prosperity
Love not hate
Just a fishing line with no bait
I’m dining a restaurant without a plate
I have the will, but lack the tools
Compassion, but without the mood to do
Love, but the animosity towards cowardice
It may seem as hate
So many people to call out, I’m left exhausted
Eight to ten people clamoring for my place
I can write until Titan collides with the moon
I can write until I finally receive the solution
To my pain
I can write until I finally feel accomplished
But nothing can fill the hole she left
No accolade can mend this broken bridge
No action
Except to drive off of it
And be allowed to forget it even existed
Let’s face it, I’m never to find her
Not with such combustible personality
Quick to anger as I’m quick with words
Slow to catch on as I’m fast to bring the action
Chasing my own tail, the problem is me
My own tales, my own fails, my own mess
All weighing down a once eager chest
Now I take my time around corners
I’ve been shot in the back before
Some similar piece(s):

What Have You Done?

Clamped shut

By the eternal darkness

The moon turns away from my pathway

Even starlight fails to reach my feet

Hell sweeps up the dust of faded memories

They take shape and taunt

Today and tomorrow hide in the absence

Of honesty, of purity, and of sanity

Mind and body crumble, unable to evade

The ever present interdependent pain

Of breathing lungs and thinking brains

That deserve not life nor rights

But receive anyway

Deserving the highest form of pain

Yet given a second chance in spite of me

The mercy and grace is unbearable

Reflecting upon the burns on your hands

And the empty womb of an infertile heart

Feeling the cries of children you left for lost

Inconceivable wreckage lasting for millennia

What have you done?

To secure the futures of Mother Earth

Before Father Time takes you back?

Who created the sea and the land

That we pollute and irreversibly condemn?

Shame on our breath, shame on our hands

The spirits dance in unison for our disarray

We created, then created too much

We thought, then thought not enough

Living until we loved everyone but ourselves

Loving until we lived for everyone

But ourselves

Liberal Promises Amidst Tragic Nothing

Tragedy

Seven letter word to describe the bottom

When there’s nowhere else to go

And every resource has been exhausted

Time’s ticking

And deathbeds are calling

You’re past hunger, you’re past pain

Past ever seeing anyone ever again

Now you’re waiting for everything to fade

And something, anyone, to call you

Home

Or hell, because it’s not as if

You wouldn’t deserve it

This life is filled with escapes and evidence

The point is whether you use them, believe

For a moment, that everyone is a lie

And everything you’ve been taught is backwards

Who would you trust, and why

Life is a hopscotch game done blind

No rhythm, no rhyme, just imaginary clocks

Wrapped around thick glocks burning shots

At single mothers hurried around the block

Bam, bam the hood’s gone up in flames

Choppers circle with the beaming lights

Midnight firefight, will our people ever get it right

Gun run, drug bust, turning sunny days

To endless night, don’t blame the whites

They didn’t create these ghettos

Or tell our fathers to leave

Doctor King said he had a dream, not a reality

It’s up to us to make it true, but we never will

Too busy falling for every democrat

Any liberal that promises more aid digs a deeper well, and we aren’t well

Nobody who says one life is worth more

Than another is sane

Obama didn’t help us

And neither will a guy in a shiny cat suit

We’ve been taken for a loop and we can’t get off

Can’t seem to remedy the loss

Because we won’t accept our part in the problem

Pass it off on the patriarchy, white privilege

The flaws of straight white men

But wasn’t it straight white men that saw slavery

Was wrong

Moral comes without color or gender, get that

We’ve run up a bill, and death’s come with the check

No layaway, no pay as you go

All or nothing

And until we give something

We’ll be left with what we’ve got

Nothing

Supposed To Be

Slip down

And say a prayer

Say a prayer for me

I’ve been warned before

Talk and they’d find out

Walk and they’d break me down

My sounds vex their souls, it pains them

To hear me speak out, against all odds

At all costs

Engines revving from a night’s long rest

The daylight inspires to be my best

No, requires

For those still trapped in the darkness

And unable to fight

The fire may eat me alive

But I don’t mind the thought of dying

I watch the world burn in ignorance

People fight at borders over topics

Bordering lunacy

Rap lyrics, star feuds, why so much debate

The fattest beg for platters

The hungry ask for a piece

Give me peace as I search for the fruit

Of labor pains and love

The beautiful children, untouched by grief

And the gripping talons of government

Turning lovers against one another

Where has the magic gone

Between me and you

Dancing upon the ashes of the negligent

Judges of our unity

Kissed away are the bailiffs and sheriffs

We are nothing and everything to them

The embodiment of everything they hate

Because it’s all that we’re supposed to be