The Love And Life Of Death

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The setting is a late May evening

and the sun is just beginning to wane

the grasses are as green as can be

the warm summer rays touch

skin darkened by the halls of recluses

and eyes drunk on the monotone beat

of a single heart

the horizon speaks to me

in ways no human could ever

color elicits emotion

only my darkest days would ever see

drooping sunset

with patch, see-through clouds

for skanky lingerie

calms me better than any

green eyed, freckled face

powered by an engine

stoked by fire of rejection

I reject the clown suit

appreciate the complexion

of life riding the fine line

life and death, I’ve seen both

lived and loved

both

I never knew

why the silence loved me so

treated me to knowledge

people seemed to refuse

I’m so hot

dirty mind, spinning you a web

of lust, lies

and forgotten faces

all in time

before the moon turns on her heel

and I fall into sleep

till our next divorce counseling meeting

 

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Aspergers Will Always Be By Our Side

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I need more routine

and less surprise

I need more notebooks

to keep track of my thoughts as time flies

I need more honesty

and less romance

I need you to shut up

and let me listen to Dance, Dance

I’ve dug trenches you’ll never see

to keep all the abuse you have given me

I write until there’s nothing left to share

and the energy used to crowd please leaves me threadbare

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by our side

I only write to you

to help you take back the time

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by your side

I only write to you

to take control of the lies

Brothers and sisters

in self-depreciation

believing the myths spun by deceivers

for many generations

unsure of where to go

with nowhere to run

the world is just too loud

so to skulls some put guns

you are the human you choose

not what the world decides you are

in a world hellbent on being on conformity

I stand on a hill from afar

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by our side

I only write to you

to help you take back the time

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by your side

I only write to you

to take control of the lies

Silent Wave won’t go

Cocoons are comfy won’t go

neither will Beth

or the Cynical Reject

every autistic, every aspergian

shout we won’t go

because we are what we love

not who loves us

 

 

 

I Will Never Believe In Anything Again

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I will never believe again

in fate or fortune

and my fear of never having a lover

needs an early abortion

I worry too much

in controlling my destiny

when the very key to my wishes

is already inside of me

I worry too much

in trying to be like everyone else

what happened to the old me

that really didn’t give a fuck

about who liked me, and who didn’t

and who saw me do that thing

of which I am repentant

I’ve gotten soft, I think

and need to re-don my hard shell

because inside of this Cancer

is poetic beauty that quells

deepest fears

and shortcomings pointed out

by sophomoric peers

I will never believe again

in luck or chance

and instead in myself

whether my followers be many, or scant

those who care

care

those who don’t

I’ll see you there

at the top of the mountain

the pinnacle of all my work

but at my time, not yours

the world doesn’t run on one schedule

and neither will I

so goodbye

because I will never believe again

in anything I choose not to

no longer will the world abuse

my African American differences

and autistic personality

I choose to live as I am

the Devereaux of this reality

 

Autism Awareness Month Post Twenty-One: I Do It For My Family, My Autistic Family

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Each day I come in

and don my white apron

smile, and polite greetings

I step to the demons

and grit my broken teeth

leave them seething

each day I make change

empty powder-covered trays

and laugh at Mary’s favorite team

and their horrible receivers

I step to the establishment

and stab them in the face

out of shy autistics I make believers

every tip received

and check cashed

shows them how far I’ve come

I’ve aged pretty fast

not in years, really

but in confidence

in determination

and in courage

I don’t carry a chip on these shoulders

I carry the dead of Mount Everest

and quiet should your expectations stay

lest you trigger my sensitivity

and cause me to uncloak

the dreaded focus and commitment

that the profession continues to revoke

I work for my family

my autistic family

the ones with moths on their web pages

and female warriors, too

“Aspergian’s can’t work in customer service”

if only you knew

that I do it

to prove you wrong

I dance to the beat of my hand-flapping

foot-tapping

tell-tale autistic drum

and marching in the opposite direction

eventually gets you noticed

and soon others are eager

to sing along

 

I Have Aspergers, And I Hate Myself Most Of The Time

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So, where did we leave off

My eyes always drift

to the edges of the room

which is probably why everything

always seems to end so soon

Oops, I guess I forgot to say

that I have Aspergers

so I really don’t understand your way

I’m on the autism spectrum

and I hate myself most of the time

I hate having no intuition

and struggling around my peers

While others are deep in conversation

I sit in a corner, trapped by lumbering fears

I hate not looking into your eyes

and as you wonder what’s wrong with me

I wonder why

I hate being the last to speak, the last to be heard

because I hate the crowd, and stray from the herd

to the edges of the fields to think

I hate being so obscene in the wake of surprise

awakening a manic rage

and other times, I cry

But over it all

I hate how helpless I feel

being so unable to control my emotions

and my motions

drive people away

Tap

tap

tap

I hear what you say

but don’t hear what you mean

Tap

tap

tap

I hear what you say

but is it what it seems

What is a birthday suit

Why did he can a human being

I seem stupid and clueless

helpless and hopeless

weak and weary

and at times I’m all of those

and none

at the same time

This Aspergian’s Rebellion (Inspired By My Painting)

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The sea surrounds us

and we confound thus

upon entering the fuss

that is “normal life”

“Follow this deadline” and

“Don’t forget this rule”

I don’t mean to sound like a bitch

but I wasn’t made from the same wool

and I don’t fit

like you think I should

so you cast me out

until I accept you, but I won’t…

I take your four walls and a ceiling

and tear it down with passionate feeling

with others in my heart, and on my mind

others like me, who haven’t yet discovered the lie

The box says that we’re rude, the box says we’re plain mean

but even my favorite poet once said

“All that we see or seem, is a dream within a dream”

So jump back, you ignorant fools

sit back and strap in

cause we’re going to school

I take your fast-paced lifestyle and rend it useless

Because action without reason and logic is useless

I take your expectations

and break their flimsy necks

I’m thinking so differently

that you can’t even begin to ask what’s next

I don’t speak the way you do

and I don’t ask for what you ask

I don’t need an hour lunch break

Give me a job, and I’ll finish the task

Tastes limited, but well honed

and I stay out of trouble

because my favorite hangout is home

I can’t get a girlfriend

but I’m full of confidence

Be anti-“the normal” in America, 2017

and tell me how hard life really is

I’ve got global views, and global goals

with these words I strike down what you think you know

and leave an impact on your soul

Protesting Donald Trump

is solving nothing

put your dirty, damned cardboard sign down

and look at the people we’re becoming

Slow can be good

even a tortoise knows that

so stop demonizing us

and learn the facts

Don’t listen to doctors, nurses,

or scholars

Don’t listen to the government

And the media? Don’t even bother