Autism Awareness Month Post Twenty-Two: Where Are They Now?

I’ve turned away a lot of people over my lifetime. Some I didn’t mind turning away (like my Dad, but that’s another story), and others I didn’t know well enough to care either way, but then there’s the ones I regret every single day. The ones you see in your reflection in the mirror. The […]

Autism Awareness Month Post Twenty-One: I Do It For My Family, My Autistic Family

Each day I come in and don my white apron smile, and polite greetings I step to the demons and grit my broken teeth leave them seething each day I make change empty powder-covered trays and laugh at Mary’s favorite team and their horrible receivers I step to the establishment and stab them in the […]

Autism Awareness Month Post Twenty-One: Something Beautiful I Haven’t Yet Put Into Human Form

I can’t get enough of the way she moves she’s so perfect dancing long into the night with the groove she’s so perfect, the way she moves with hips so wide and face so smooth I wrestle with my heart, my mind if I could turn back time to before I was born I wouldn’t […]

Autism Awareness Month Post Twenty: A Hypothetical Relationship Between Two Aspergians

I figured it out figured it out from black and white I can’t pretend to be someone else as much as I know it would make things right between you and I between you and I I can’t be like them the voicemail to God asking to make me normal never got returned and all […]

Autism Awareness Month Post Nineteen: Hey God, I Don’t Think I Thank You Enough

(Actually, I know I don’t.) When I was diagnosed with Aspergers four years ago, I honestly thought he was cursing me. Some punishment, I thought. (Probably for all the videos I used to watch, but that’s another story) Still, I had to live, even if I didn’t know why this burden was placed in my life. […]

Autism Awareness Month Post Eighteen: What is Aspergers To Me?

Aspergers what is it to me? A cancer that only I can see? A poison drunk by the unborn soul at birth? A dent, a scratch that devalued my worth? A bolt from a complete machine that keeps me doomed from reaching your sweet? A scarlet mark on my chest to serve as a marker […]

Autism Awareness Month Post Seventeen: Aspergers Can Feel Like A Prison

Stop burning bridges, they say but I don’t know how I’m a soul held against my will and an animal tied to the plow you can lead me to water but I’ll die of thirst afraid to put my feet in front of my brain and be the first there’s so much room inside this […]

Autism Awareness Month Post Sixteen: Crying On The Couch Because Aspergers Holds Me Back

Head throbbing stories in my head keep reoccurring waking up is always a struggle because life is a tussle between anxiety and responsibility desire and mental makeup consistency and wish for a shake up family, coworkers, strangers they’re all the same they don’t see the wave, they don’t know the pain but they never could […]

Autism Awareness Month Post Fifteen: My Anxiety Electrocutes Me In Ways Most Doctors Can’t Explain

When aspergians talk about their anxiety, it goes FAR beyond the general “oh yeah, I feel anxious”. There’s anxious, like when you have to present a proposal in front of a board, and then there’s the autistic anxious. It is a deeper, more emotionally affecting happening. My anxiety isn’t just a tightness I get in my stomach, like after eating […]

Autism Awareness Month Post Fourteen: I Joined A (very meh) Aspergers Dating Site

Hey everyone, I’m back! Over the last couple days, encouraged by talking with Beth from A Mile In My Shoes, I decided to join an Aspergers dating site. I’m a terrible match for all the neurotypical females I know (and if you disagree, chances are you’ve never met me),  so I figured why not try my […]