Blogger Recognition Award: Thanks For Choosing Me Over Everyone So Much Cooler

For the third time in less than a year, I’ve been nominated for the Blogger Recognition Award.

This time? By my friend over at Cocoons Are Sometimes Comfy. https://cocoonsaresometimescomfy.wordpress.com/2017/05/15/blogger-recognition-award-when-being-recognized-is-nice/ One of my favorites on WordPress, I’ve grown close to the words to this poet’s fantastic words and similarities regarding life on the autism spectrum. The stories are sometimes eerily similar to what I’ve gone through, and the resounding strength that speaks far after I close the page is rarely outdone. Thank you friend, you’re the real MVP (or however they say it on social media)

Anyway, the rules:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
2. Write a post to show your award.
3. Give a brief story of how your blog started.
4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
5. Select 15 other bloggers for this award.
6. Comment on each blog to let them know you’ve nominated them and a link to the post you created.

My blog started back in late August of last year.  I had known about my aspergers for four years but had done little to do anything about it. WordPress has always been addictive to me, but this was different. And better. Blogging gave my voice some wheels, and the knowledge I gained from books (and soon other bloggers, like my sweet soul sister’s Laina, Beth, and more recently the wonderful voice behind Just Me) began to steer my life into the direction I never thought it would. I started opening up, and sharing my experiences (https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/2016/11/07/an-aspergians-confession-part-one/), being honest about the struggles my condition gave me (https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/2017/01/18/an-aspergians-chemical-romance/?wref=tp), and really just discovering my voice as (from what I’ve been told) a pretty damn good poet. Thanks to so many wonderful voices, I’ve learned more about myself, become a better person because of it, and in turn been able to shine light for others who were just like I was just a few years ago.

Two pieces of advice for you new bloggers. One, just post. Pressing “publish” is the hardest part, but once you do it, the momentum will carry you to wherever you want to go. Don’t make yourself do anything. Let it happen, and you will be surprised what becomes of it. Two, say thanks. There are COUNTLESS blogs, so the fact that someone took the time to read (and maybe comment/reblog) yours is very, very special. Ever since I started, I always remember to say thank you to my readers. It’s not hard to do, and doesn’t take much time. It shows you care about others.

Now, to my nominations….

https://silentfall.me/

https://femiiesther.wordpress.com/ (I will ignore her words “I  I can’t think of why so many people will like it” in reference to my favorite band)

https://solitudeinsilence.wordpress.com/

https://so352.wordpress.com/

https://unabashedautist.com/

https://secretpoetess.wordpress.com/

https://keelythecynicalrejectblog.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

 

Autism Awareness Month Post Nineteen: Hey God, I Don’t Think I Thank You Enough

(Actually, I know I don’t.)

When I was diagnosed with Aspergers four years ago, I honestly thought he was cursing me. Some punishment, I thought. (Probably for all the videos I used to watch, but that’s another story) Still, I had to live, even if I didn’t know why this burden was placed in my life. I hated my life. I hated everything about myself. Fast forward to today, and things are quiet different. My confidence (while not high) is growing a little every day, and I’ve accomplished a lot. (Published in Teen Ink’s October Edition of 2015…three award winning articles on Teen Ink’s website…staying published on SpillWords…joining an Art Council…getting a job at one of my favorite shops in Maryland…and voice behind a blog that’s followed by thousands) Despite my weaknesses and short-comings, I always seem to come out on top (or pretty close to it), and I owe it to nothing and no one but the divine. I had a rough childhood, and I did a lot of bad things as a kid, but to where I am today. To see how much you all love my words, and how much of an impact I’ve had on you…that tells me, and should tell you, that there’s someone watching us. Guiding us towards something greater than we could ever imagine. It’s truly relieving to know there’s someone watching your back….(and pulling you back when you’re about to walk into a trap)

 

Hey God,

I don’t think

I thank you enough

In fact, I know I don’t

every time the heart beats

and these lungs take in air

is an unbreakable seal

and confirmation that you are there

there isn’t a sunset

or season change

that you haven’t arranged

not a day or night

that you haven’t created

with your own might

I have a lot of weaknesses

food and sexy girls just two

but in spite of them I live

and I owe it all to you

and I have a lot of sadness

from being friendless

to struggling with Aspergers

but with your strength

I continue to live this

life you’ve given me

and every word that I write

causes me to see

that I am loved

beyond my downfalls and impurities

that I am loved

above all the evil inside of me

there’s not enough time

no matter of hours or days

could contain

the amount of praise

you deserve

but with my words

let your love be heard by all

and through me

may your grace save us

from the fall

 

Autism Awareness Month Post Nine: Saying Thanks To My Blogger Community

Until I discovered myself as a writer. Until I discovered my voice as an Aspergian poet. Until I realized the story I had to tell, I didn’t know who I was, what I was here for, and what life really meant. I was lost, but the blogging community became my home, and over the last year and a half, I’ve done a lot of growing up. I’ve taken a stand on various topics, and I’ve grown closer to other people with my condition. I wouldn’t have done it without you.

Michelle, you’ve been like a friend to me

and Tenacity, the funniest the Internet ever did see

Jonathan’s energy knows no bounds

and The Secret Poetess always comes around

Wallace Peach is sweeter than any fruit

And Nyx’s support makes the sadness moot

Marisa, Laina, and Beth

you’re the best writers I’ve ever known

and the grace, kindness, and tenacity you own

can’t be measured

and to Anna, anonymous as you may be

you give us a taste of the autistic reality

like the words of Charlie Zero and Sarah

Fantasy and Samantha

I’d hope to write like them

but that road is long

Alicia, Esther, Elm, Bethany

Emily, Ana, Monika, Anita

while I haven’t gotten to meet ya

I’m touched by the words you share

and I’ll never be normal

but for a moment, you take me there

to Brian Cook, I see how a man

should treat his wife

and I’m proud of you, as a soldier and a husband

that you know how to do it right

to Davy D, who with me from the start

and Rosema, sharing her beautiful heart

and hey Brian, your Packers

need a running back

and take a baseball bat to your defense

Belen, you shake up the sequence

of poetry on my reader

from the thought provoking work

of doubtpuppe, Jacob, and braveandreckless

to the fantastic imagery

of Dorinda, Sascha, and Jeanne

to my fans at Secret First Draft,

along with Daria, Heartafire, Jasper

Phobe, Denise, John Coyote, Katrina

your determination

is my inspiration

to be the best poet I can be

and every night

a little bit of my appreciation

is plain to see

and last, but certainly not least

is a gorgeous girl I have yet to meet

I thank my lucky stars for us crossing paths

cause you excite me more than anyone ever has

 

You all just don’t know how helpful you’ve been to me, and I’m so grateful to have people like you in my life, even if we are just behind computer screens.

 

Dear WordPress: I Start College Tomorrow!

Man, life comes at you fast.

Some years ago, Thomas And Friends was the only movie that mattered. Just a few years ago, Summer Camps were all the rage. And now, with a book in the works, I’ve also registered for Spring classes at the Community College of Baltimore County! I was there for nearly five hours. Getting tested was a blast. While I only scored a 49 on the math segment (meaning I have to take remedial math, UGH), I scored a 98 and 107 on the reading and English segments. I knew those would be big areas for me, and I nailed it. I even qualified for the English honors program!

Working out financial aid was a bit stressful, because my Mom unknowingly filed under the wrong year, and I have to hope the FAFSA clears soon. Other than that, I’m all set. I have my schedule that outlines class dates, times, and locations. I’ll also know my teacher’s name. Since I’m not a stones throw away, transportation might be tricky, but it’s nothing too big for me to iron out.

Aspergers and all, I hope to learn a lot and have a great time. I’ve had a lot of practice being in groups outside of my home classroom. To tell the truth, I feel extremely overwhelmed. Between paperwork, schedules, all the new faces, and never mind the incredible responsibility, my head feels two miles wide.

As far as my blogging and Twitter activity, this is where it’s going to hurt. I love being on WordPress and reading everyone’s work (be it poetry or recipes), commenting, and liking, but I just won’t have the time. I’m also finishing my GED prep, have meetings with my Teen Arts Council (and may be joining another), along with shuttling my sister to and from with my brother, mom, and dad all working. I won’t be unable to post completely, but posting every night is going to be difficult, and it’s unnecessary stress. I haven’t worked out a foolproof plan, but either three or four posts a week sounds good as of now. That number may go down (hopefully not, but, life first) but I’ll have a better feel once I start going to class and seeing how difficult the classwork is (or isn’t).

I hope to still be able to keep a good viewership, and I’ll try to reply to comments when I can. Besides, this will be one more thing to blog about!

Well, here I go…

 

Publishing A Book? Inside An Aspergian’s Brittle Heart

It’s nearly Christmas time, which means I’m trying to stay indoors as much as possible. The holidays exacerbate every last aspergian response possible. First off, the constant music an lights give me headaches. Never mind I hate Christmas music in general(or that’s where the hate comes from), but the flashing lights are a sensory OVERLOAD.

Then, it’s all the people. Stupid Santa’s (creepy as hell), people wishing you merry Christmas, and the manic shopping/spending…I can’t take it. I can’t shop in peace, because somebody has to sharing “Christmas wishes” or asking me what’s my favorite Christmas tradition. I can’t go anywhere without having carols, Jesus, and Jingle Bells shoved down my throat. I’d rather stay inside, listen to the music I want to listen to, and not have to answer the question “Why don’t you celebrate Christmas?”

Mariah Carey is hot, got it, but “All I Want For Christmas Is You” becomes very damp when you realize you can never, ever have her. Sigh. And, Jingle Bell Rock is WAY overrated. And while gingerbread and egg nog everything is delicious, when the cashiers at Starbucks automatically expect that’s what you want, yeah…

On a more personal topic, I’m starting to compile my poetry for an anthology. I’ve looked over all my files, and I feel like I have enough (quality) work to turn it into a book. It’ll be a long process, but I feel very excited about starting it. I’m a bit disorganized with my poetry, though. Since I write on everything, I have to go through all my flash drives and Word documents to make sure I don’t have duplicates, and to ensure I don’t leave out anything. Novel writing isn’t my thing, but as so many of you have told me, poetry IS. I don’t have a timetable on when it might be finished, but hopefully it’ll be done late spring/early summer. Finding an agent, and a publisher, won’t be easy, so I’m giving myself plenty of time to pull everything together.

“…I’m not living for their approval

I’m not living for the person I once knew

I’m dying for everyone on the spectrum

so they can live too…”

This is a quote from one of the songs I wrote, and it’s the essence of why I write, why I started this blog, and why I hope to be a published poet. People say aspergians don’t have a voice, that we’re too shy, too quiet, and easily forgotten. We’ll never truly be part of society, because we’re not personable, friendly, or outgoing. I may be the living embodiment of the worst an aspergian can be, but I want to change those assumptions.For every one of us, I want them to know that it’s not all lost. You don’t have to stay in your autistic closet. Broken cookies really do taste better than whole ones. There’s more in your future than divorce and abuse. Your kids are just as beautiful and intelligent as the next. We can stand together, for all of us. There IS light at the end of this tunnel, and it starts here.

I’m grateful that you all have come to love and appreciate these words from my brittle heart, and I’m thankful that you take the time to comment and interact. You’ve made me a better writer.

And maybe even a better person, too…

 

Wondering if I should press post

I feel things deep, deeper than most

Because I dwell on my feelings

Throwing darts at the ceiling

as I torture my cats

with my off-key singing

I put up a good front

but God knows I’m faking

This brittle heart

is destined for a breaking

I try to take people in

and wind up turning them out

because I let betrayal seep in

I can’t not give in to the doubt

If only you knew

how much it hurt

Maybe you wouldn’t say things

that make me feel I have no worth

Make me feel like I’m not living

because deep down I’m really trying

but your way I’m just not buying

so over your head my words go flying

off to their death, dying

in open air, just like me

loud enough to turn heads

but quiet enough to be forgotten by bed

 

My 2016 Blogger Award Nominations

Well, 2016 is almost over, isn’t it?

Yes, sadly it is.

But that doesn’t mean we should forget about the good, right?

2016 was a fun year for me. In spite of my worst self, I had a lot of positives to take from this year. I graduated from High School. I started a blog that brings awareness about Aspergers, depression, and addiction. I’m getting followed on Twitter and WordPress by those going through the things I am, and that encourages me. It tells me that I’m reaching souls, and that is the greatest achievement of any achievement. I’ve drastically improved as a writer since I first took up this calling a year ago, and everyday I feel more and more confident in not only the words I say, but why I say them. 2016 wouldn’t have been made without you, and because of that, I’m giving out awards to some of you. Note, this was made especially hard by the fact that many of my favorite blogs are in fact award-free, but enough of that. Let’s get into it.

Thanks to Elm for hosting the 2016 Blogger Awards https://justelm.wordpress.com/2016/10/15/the-2016-blogger-awards/

1. Blog Of The Year: https://anonymouslyautistic.net/

“Autistic Anna” has been absolutely spectacular. Her posts have been educational, encouraging, and even funny at times. Her knowledge surpasses some “experts”. Finally, her blog reaches me at a personal level, like anyone on the spectrum, and she’s close to my heart because of it.

2. Kindest Blogger: https://sparkleblossomgoodsblog.wordpress.com/

Maureen leaves some incredible words on her blog, but I chose her for this slot because of what she leaves on mine. Every night before I go to bed, I read over my comments, and her words always stand out. She’s been with me nearly since I first joined WP, and I’m grateful for her every word.

3. Most Approachable Blogger: https://femiiesther.wordpress.com/

If you don’t mind having song lyrics being sent to you faster than your phone can receive them, having to explain what NFL is, and being emailed at midnight just to say hi, then Esther is your girl. We started talking a month ago, and she was very upfront and honest in the face of all my suspicions. (I don’t trust people, sorry Essie) I’ve learned a lot about her through WP and Twitter. She’s really sweet, and it doesn’t take much to get her going.

4. Best New Blogger: https://bbgscribbles.wordpress.com/

She’s only been on WP since September? I. Don’t. Care. Her poetry is beautiful, full of emotion, and always interesting to read. I hope she’s on here for a long, long time.

5. Most Positive Blog: https://millieschmidt.wordpress.com/ and https://puttingmyfeetinthedirt.com/

I nominated Millie because she combines writing with the cutest animal on this planet, cats. I happen to live with two, so I relate easily with her posts. I nominated Michelle because her poetry isn’t just tremendous, it’s uplifting. She was also kind enough to introduce me to her daughter, who is an amazing poet in her own right. Cats, writing, and poetry? You can’t get more positive than that!

6. Most Helpful Blogger: https://misslynn1.wordpress.com/

As I’ve grown on my blog, you’ve seen me talk more about my past. I used to be suicidal,  and while I’m grateful to have exercised those demons, I haven’t forgotten. Along with being an amazing host of #BlackDahliaProse, Kendra has been helpful and encouraging me as I fight through bouts of depression and recollections of my haunting childhood.

7. Best Looking Blogger: https://darkpink.wordpress.com/

Leyla’s blog is so simple, yet it’s so beautiful. Her images are unique and extraordinary, and she’s been with me since the beginning.

8. Most Relatable Blog: https://anaprose.wordpress.com/

Another great poet, Ana gets my nod for most relatable because we both write poetry, are introverts, and love taking pictures of the sky. Do her a favor and hit that follow button!

9. Most Creative Blogger:  https://allymomin5.wordpress.com/

Ally is an incredible young poet, and she kindly entered me into the Three Day, Three Quote Challenge a couple months ago. I liked that because it showed a willingness to partner with other writers and collaborate to produce different and creative works.

10. Funniest Blogger: https://tenacitytgoddess.com/

Check my comments to see why I nominated Tina for this award. LOL.

Seriously, though, Tina is great. She’s honest, real to the point of raw, and has been one of the most active people on my blog.

The Wildcard

Neither of these bloggers fit the above categories, but they deserve recognition. Davy (https://davydblog.com/) writes some incredible poetry and is one of my favorite followers. Stevie (https://stgreenie.wordpress.com/) writes very amusing poetry and is constantly on my Twitter timeline with great words of advice.

 

THANK YOU ALL FOR A GREAT 2016 (that isn’t quite over yet) AND GOOD LUCK IN THE FUTURE!

 

 

 

No Title Appropriate

 

This is my first non-evening blog post, so the content is 100% serious and 200% heart-felt.

I’ve only been blogging for a couple months now, but I’ve met so many incredible bloggers that I didn’t think I could go any longer without doing this. From erotica to photography to racial injustice to autism, the topics have been broad, unique, and beautifully expounded upon.

I don’t know a lot about blogger awards, and none of these bloggers are exactly new (which is what the Liebster Award is for, by definition), but these are my favorite blogs on WordPress, which I believe is the other fun part about this award. So, without further ado, here are my nominations for the Liebster Award.

https://midwestfantasy.wordpress.com/

https://eyespluswords.com/

https://thesarahdoughty.wordpress.com/

https://privatethoughtsmadepublic.wordpress.com/

https://darkpink.wordpress.com/

 

Here are my questions for you:

1. What makes you write everyday?

2. If there was one thing you could change about this world, what would it be?

3. Did you always love to write?

4. Who is your favorite writer? (musicians and fictional characters included)

5. What’s your favorite sport and team?

6. Does writing make your life, or does life make your writing?

7. Oatmeal rasin or chocolate chip cookies?

8. More inspiring: rain or moonlit skies?

9. Name one guilty pleasure

10. Better writer: Jennifer Donnelly or Suzane Collins?

11. What’s the best thing about blogging?