He Had Visitors

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Why do you want me to be

Unhappy

Why do you want me to be

Enslaved

I feel your thumbs round the insides of my cheeks

And tap the tip of the tongue

Your spit cascades into my nostrils

And wells up in my gums

I will not swallow, I cannot speak

Beneath me, my muscles shrivel up and are weak

With fury, tempests, and all the while

Consolation

With eyelids stuck shut, conceding inevitable defeat

With palms wide open, conceding inevitable defeat

With arms tied behind my back, conceding inevitable defeat

I understand now why you’re driven away

Anything this toxic, this chemical romance

Between the thought of love

And the actual action

Between the nape of my neck

And the pool of semen that reminds me

He’s finally finished with me

Wiping my mouth, still dripping from his hands

He snares another girl by the ponytail

Punches her, knocking her out cold

Then dabs his index finger in the blood

Presses it to my lips

And tells me to dance

He had visitors

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Silent Warrior

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There’s no expiration date on words
Or the volumes they speak when written
Passionately and proactively
Used as spears against the calvary
Swords against the horsemen
And flaming arrows into the windows of hate
I used to be bullied
I used to be beaten
But you don’t see me talk about it
For what’s to be gained from bleeding
All over again
And dabbing your finger in the crimson pool
To write save me on kitchen mirrors
For what’s to be gained in reminiscing
The near moments you were sure was death
Rather than expound upon it
I use it as a tool, a guideline for what I say
Ever present reminder of where I could still be
And where I am now
There used to be times when I wouldn’t speak
My skin grew dark
And my hands riddled with veins
For returning to the drywall
What I could never utter
I am a warrior, but one reserved
For every fighter knows there are battles
That must be set aside
And there are others
That are worthy of taking life
Or having it taken

Red

Amnesty International Decriminalizing Sex Trade

Red

For the blood on my hands

And the remains of the heart

Still frantically beating underneath poached skin

Red

For the children who never matured with grace or dignity

And saw age forced upon them for the sake of sex

Still pulsating, their genitalia could hardly keep up

Red, oh Red

There was always more, one nights, one hundred nights

They could never be enough

But for the men who held them captive, there was always more

To go around, slap lipstick on three year olds

And force pills into toddler boys to make them harder

Red

For the tears uncollected by the outside

Prayers be pots and pans in a thunderstorm

Good wishes be the lifeboats of the Titanic

In all of the tweets there is but little compensation

For the children so hallucinatory that even their own lives

Seem imaginary

Check Please (I’m Tapping Out)

Are you happy now

With the way I turned out

You tricked me out, flipped me off

And scorned me before the world

Aren’t you delighted

With the scars on my face, the crimson stains

Skin dry with hunger for belonging

Eyes wet with thirst for solace

Tears homeless in a sanctuary of brothers

I shiver in the arms of a cold blooded world

Acceptance is hardly an issue

I have not room to breathe

Nor vision to see, shrouded in mystery

Why some resent, but others tolerate

The bridge between the gap wasn’t mine to create

But it is to endure

Till a beginning that renews everyday

And an end that won’t come, in spite I pray

And that’s why they’re never answered

Because I’m angry and spiteful of my past

The things I’ve done I thought would never last

Yet here I am burying their ugly heads

But they breathe within me, you see

See, as long as I live they too continue deeds

Of anxious anger awaiting eruption

Self esteem pressure cooked and boiling over

Rotten glances at those who annoy

Everything hurts, the sunlight burns

The moon tases, the stars tingle

Looking at girls and remembering I’m single

Wondering how hard it is to mingle

Then I do it, and regret

I’m not ready yet (10 years later)

Check, please

I’m tapping out

Session Two

It’s business

This pain against you

Ensnared in the Dream, no one

Can rescue you

The end is near

And so very far away

With every day you age

You get younger

Dumber

Lifeless as a pen on a shelf

Waiting to be made into the abstract

Motionless inside half beating heart

Comatose

Living and dying you are

In the vein of their gravity

No escape, not without the cry of blasphemy

“How dare you betray us”

“Do you think we’re really that bad?”

You deserve what you did, don’t you?

Spoiled little brat

Life can be a pain in the ass

But we’ve all got our paths

So stop complaining

They’re your parents after all

They know what they’re doing

Therapy Session One

Sitting in the middle of the room

Come on in, close the door behind you

We’re starting soon

Take off your makeup

Throw away yesterday’s eyelashes

Let me see your bare lips

Bitten, bloody, and bruised

Take off your gloves

The marks of chains aren’t mine to choose

Stand up for me, and expose your back

The welts and wilted skin aren’t in lack

The two, rusted lines like railway tracks

Is this the life you asked for?

Why can’t you stand, why do you shudder

What has happened to you child

Tell me

(I can’t help you)

Tell me

(They really can’t help us)

Is it your mother?

Is it your father?

Ah yes, that explains the size of the marks

That distinction certainly sets them apart

Now, what are they like, to start

Why does one help you, and the other hurt

Oh, they both do it

Well that adds some complexity to it

But you say, one is physical

The other is mental

You’re quite the case

Yet not far from the norm

I suggest you go back to them

Because they clearly love you

They express it differently

Have a good afternoon

MISS FERGUSON? THREE O’FIVE FOR MISS FERGUSON?

(You’re doing great kid)

(They’re doing great)

We’re Playing Dress Up and Democracy Is Our Chains

Take me from this church, I don’t belong to life

Humans shattering bones with blood

And taking life with a million knives

Ingrained in our society the absence of rights

Despite aged documents we claim to live by

Ingrained in our food, flowing in our water

Chemicals and poisons that shove us farther

Into the ground, tightening the chains

Into our ears the sound waves of slaves

We build walls around our brothers

Encourage mothers to terminate births

Tell men they have little worth

Tell girls they’re not pretty unless they’re white

Tell boys they’re the reason women have no rights

Tell whites they’re the reason blacks suffer

Tell blacks they will always suffer

 

I need a respite

We missed something, that’s right

 

And what’s wrong is that nobody knows right

Opposing views are shot down

The mob rules the country, drowned out

In their screaming into the air

Or taking up city streets in protest

Of what they can hardly spell or explain

I ask them what’s fascist, they can’t explain

I ask them what’s so sexist, they can’t explain

How can you hate yet have no reason?

You’ve gone insane!

 

#FuckTrump becomes a beacon of light

Only for those to ignorant to see the path

They tread the darkness, they are near to die

They’ve lost humanity, the breath of life

And while #MeToo rightfully encourages

Speaking out against violence and abuse

We are quick to discard men and uphold women

Who speak quite little truth

Emotionally immature, vocabulary quite fictional

Our short term dreams are whimsical

Social media distorts reality, and we crave the lives of others

Main stream media controls reality, but we’re okay with that

 

If you are fine with that

You were probably already dead

But I can’t be

And won’t be

 

 

Finches In September

Cut

To the bone

Stripped

And stoked in his fire

Cinders and ashes

Became my home

Trapped in neverland

Ceasing to breathe, living to die

The journey is a pathway unknown

Seeds of slaves are sown

In the conformity of words

I do

And we don’t fight fair

I do

We ruin each other

Dreams in the dark

Looking away in the day

Fellow human is not my master

Yet I was a slave

I loved your ways

Your fucking, breaking, bleeding ways

Then the finches of September

Whistled a new calling

And from now one

I’d rather be lonely

Then be at home

With a terror

Loving You, Killing Me

Silence in the wings

Whispers of the dark

In the black

The back

Close your eyes and think deeply

Go back

So flat

You feel pressed down on your spine

You lied

He lied

The time was right, but might

Was never on your side

Feel the warmth evade your body

The memory of being pure so fondly

Be forgotten, heart rotten

Thighs twitching so erotic

Forceful banging so despotic

She thought he was the future

But she thought wrong

Wringing out her delicate belongings

The sweat is toxic

His commands to kneel so hypnotic

I’m no longer my own

But stuck inside the cascade of caution

I adore his the words

The auctioning off of my body

So awkwardly timid

Youth betraying my commitment

To loving you

Even if it means

Killing me

Victorious (At A Cost)

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When I was down

you weren’t there

sucking air underneath

the pressure of your reign

weighted love against the backdrop

of forget and memory

the lies rained down

and planted the seeds of revenge

within the field of my soul

I vowed to take back

and since you were never there

now it’s time for you to remember

life isn’t fair

as the farmer must give

before he can take

I will give you the full measure

of my heart

before you tear it apart

anymore

I will give you the barrage

of scorn and misgiving

as you so gladly had done to me

I will give you the burden

of unrequited pain

both in childbirth and in death

aren’t they all the same

I will tear from you my life

so that you will never be again

the tormentor of my dreams

and the bastard of my days

I will ruin you to the end

even if it means among my fathers

I too

must lay