Silver Chains, Missing You Again

After all

we are just lovers

slipping silver chains

underneath down pillows

and walking you

back through the door

our tongues crave more

our hearts say today

but our minds say tomorrow

at least mine does

because no matter how much I discover

about you

no matter how many rivulets

the oil makes around your curves

I still can’t have you

because you’re not mine

not yet

the snow offers a blanket

around this heart and throne

a fire amongst the heartiest snow

offers a glimpse into the shadow of our eyes

all we need is time

not another lie

not another fabrication

that spins a rhyme on the lips

of the forgotten

breeding envy and rotten maggots

won’t you come inside

into this life of mine

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Will They Ever Know

careening down the tracks

life in the rear view mirror

and desperate to get it back

riding alongside friend and foe

into the darkness deep

into what tragedy I do not know

kings are killed, capitals conquered

and the Christ was crucified

yet somehow, I’m still alive

how I’ve survived sin and insanity

is a miracle

or my life is a slow sting of a thousand scorpions

the sun goes down, and I wonder

was it worth it

will I ever know

Spaces

My space

is where everything comes to die

conversation

laugher

jokes

teasing

sarcasm

fuck everyone who doesn’t agree

fuck everyone who can’t comprehend

I just don’t understand why you are

and I want to know who you are

I do

I’ve realized

I value human companionship

More than I ever would

But my limitations

Turn the tables

Day becomes night

And I’m left in the dark

The emotionless face is a mask

Please let me in

The blank stare is my guard

And it’s completely down

Please let me in

I’ve burned every bridge

I’ve pissed through every fan

I’ve got nothing and no one

You don’t know the bottom

until you’re underneath it

You don’t know what shit tastes like

until it’s coming back out

I’m begging you

can we make amends

10:07 And I Should Be Asleep

10:07

and I should be asleep

but I never go there this early

or late, as some might say it

because I’m doing this

not the writing part, the living part

the rare time I can come out my shell

and be my rebellious, crazy self

listening to rock and rap long into the night

poking and prodding and picking fights

with my always ticked-off autistic mind

the punches bring rhymes

the blood brings poems

the scars bring the voice

the words that keep me going

I wouldn’t be me without these late nights

and I couldn’t help you if I wasn’t right

the moon says the sun will be up soon

but this son already has long risen

with each line I stand above my enemy

my enemy-me

enemy’s call themselves me, myself, and I

so I go back under the hood

and tough it out

one more time

The Ones Beside Us

I’ll be damned if I don’t tell you

if I wrote these words

published these pieces of pain

scars scornfully solitary

in solidarity with the sane

yet forget to tell you

I love you

I really do

there’s not much before us

or coming after

that matters more

we’re just taking up space

achievements in murdering others

glory in trampling our brothers

we’re all shitholes

if we forget the human beside us

The Lies We Weave

Short sided and defiant

slow to work, eager to retire

there might be a spark, but who wants to work

get dirty in the mines, and maybe even die

to furnish the fire of the mind?

sweat for days, sweat for years

no time to play, grind all the way

family is the foundation of this and every day

but people don’t care, they just choose

which hour they want to be the best

every other okay with being among the rest

eager for glory but unwilling to put it on the line

murder for trophies but won’t put in the time

nobody’s overachieving on 9 to 5

even achieving

the gain comes when you’re off work

when you’re not clocked in, what are your goals

dinkin and dunkin 

or going big

it’s not easy but it’s worth it

I’ve put in the late nights, the extra hours

and I’m proud but never finished

I don’t need more accolades

just more pay days

Loving In The Dark

After all

we are just lovers

slipping silver chains

underneath down pillows

and walking you

back through the door

our tongues crave more

our hearts say today

but our minds say tomorrow

at least mine does

because no matter how much I discover

about you

no matter how many rivulets

the oil makes around your curves

I still can’t have you

because you’re not mine

not yet

the snow offers a blanket

around this heart and throne

a fire amongst the heartiest snow

offers a glimpse into the shadow of our eyes

all we need is time

not another lie

not another fabrication

that spins a rhyme on the lips

of the forgotten

breeding envy and rotten maggots

won’t you come inside

into this life of mine

A Hole Where Something Was

Finish school

Go to college

I thought that was always the plan

Publish a book

Meet a girl

Take her hand

Have two beautiful girls

See the seven wonders

Change the heart of man

I thought that was always the plan

but plans change when you fall asleep

your dreams became dreams

and the years become the unconquerable fiend

can’t you only chase what can be seen

window wipers dripping with semen

and you think the load’s been lessened

but you’ve just fallen off the wagon

and the desert sands stuff your mouth

picking the memories of youth out your teeth

they said that boy’s got some talent

and you believed

but talent only gets you to the field

will drives you down it

and love pushes you across the goal line

I’m standing in the rain

hoping, praying the divine hears my prayers

I’m stalling with a full engine

I’m breaking all the wrong records

and I’m turning each one off

Find a dream

Turn it into reality

Get discouraged by the outside

Maybe that was always the plan

Dying By Choice

I’d hate to die

alone, penniless and parted

from both love and life and liberty

but if I have no connection to people

I surely shall

introvert and all, I have to stand up

above my gut intuition

to hide among the hoods

and cover myself with thorns

as to avoid detection

because I carry a heavy word

but lack the voice

I am dying, on top of my own

little world

dying by my own choice

Expensive Mistakes

The ashes stop falling

and the sparrows stop calling

the sun peaks out behind the billowing smoke

and casts a heavy hand upon the land

the rivers run from new names

the seas malnourish the brain

and the inhabitants do the same thing

each and every day

hating each other, stepping on each other

for measly moments of momentary matters

killing each other, bribing each other

you might think I’m predicting the future

but I’m actually living in the present

I present to you the human race

millions of years old

but stuck in the same place