Secrets Defiled The Womb



and cracking
she bled onto the pavement
children within
too much to bare
any longer
much fonder of isolation
her secrets defiled the womb
of her individuality
the one she looked to for protection
twisted the hands
bent the feet
and broke the time
left to wander for eternity
growing belly a mark for all
to see
repulsed by her nudity
and offended by her fate
the world shades it’s eyes
from the difficult
the sex slaves go unnoticed
and she too was abandoned
crying out one last time
she offered the air the sacrifice
of her body
she offered the ground her life
free from the bond of gravity
her tears flowed effortlessly
and for once her heart was satifised
to bow one final time
and exit
the scene


Silence Heals My Insane


There’s a silence

That heals the insane

The wild, racing part of me

Never kept in check

By a voracious heartbeat

Dying to love you more

But hiding it all in life

Manic meltdowns

Leading to tear soaked pages

And curses uttered

From bottomless agony

Never meant to harm

But to release me

From the grapple of

The darkness

I still somehow

Can’t escape


The Arrogance I Shine

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bent and broken

my face the token

of your socialite policy

fears and flames awoken

by the silent shaming

of ears pricked up

hairs peeled back

when I make a statement

misinterpret a joke

the costume falls flat

and now I’m forced to reconcile

into the life and love I never had

it was plain to see

but it took them to crucify my heart

betrayed by a suicidal mind

to see the reality

I had ignored for so much time

they don’t care for me

they’re not the friends for me

don’t understand me

can’t reprimand me

because I do the same thing


because I don’t care about a thing


while you sit around waiting for me to change

oh hey

I’m insane

the arrogance I shine

tans you like an ultraviolet ray

I don’t think about what I say

because I really was born this way

I take no for an answer

because I’ll say yes to myself

I dish it because I can take it

look at the hand the devil’s dealt

feel the welts

no, they’re on the inside

feel the shockwaves

they flow every time

you start speaking

I start leaking

every ounce of content

until I’m bursting with anger

and all darkness

ceases with one final dagger

to the soul

now silent again


Child Born Of Tremor and Turmoil



writing is my love

my life

the beginning and end

of an always speaking wife

we noticed one another

while drifting away from life

on the verge of exiting

she stole the knife

we courted on balconies


and windows crept through

by cellphone light

we wed four years ago

happy as could be

believing us

is all we would ever need

marriage is not

without difficulty

for to unify two individuals

someone must be subverted

to keep the peace of another

so I remained silent

pregnant by another

far more ravenous insatiable lover

and when the night falls

I run to her

begging to be spared

and spare the world

of a child born of tremor

and turmoil

agony agony I cry

why do you leave me alone

to perish

Darkness Abides In All


In the midst of an internal storm….

the untold stories
of darkness prevail
over widening seas
and Hell’s Deep can hardly contain
the fire of night
waking us up
and bringing us down
we may never know the wholeness of breath
or solitude of sound
for the darkness abides in all
will you let her come around
stoke up the magic within
and burn in and of her glory
let the Phoenix be called to arms
spit lava and pumice upon the world
for poets are the volcanoes
of humanity
and within the darkness we spew
life is born through trials
see the words rise
on the wings of the wind

The Beast Inside


when backed into a corner
dreams and flings
pushed aside
tabletops overturned
the whole room watches you now
crowbars and crustaceans
you picked an amazing crowd
nothing matters as much as how
they beat you, played you
now it’s time for you to come out
louder than ever
shining bright to last forever
shocking them to suddenly
the aches and pains
nobody ever cared to say
or stay
we left you alone
till you were ready
almost twenty now
but it always seemed a lie
when they thought you couldn’t hear
you’d be counting the time
counting time the teacher says
just when will it be over
can you go to bed
the kids make fun
strangers treat you as dumb
all along you’re supposed to be fine
but deep down
real numb
mommy, I’m hurting
she says
but there’s no doctor for us
so she continued
to be bled
by scalpels and scissors unknown
to all
but the voiceless muse
that’s controlling me


Alone At A Table For Two

wamtacalone at a table for two
the servers question me
with disparaged stares
arrows shooting through shrouded mystery
misunderstanding the view
through silent glass of thoughts
happily ever after never seemed
such a lonelier proposition
than now
the view through empty shot glasses
painting a mirage of misery
drunk everyday
the shame of the air
shiftless and silent
being the height of company
can only deepen the trudgery
of ever attempting to try
someday I whisper
leaving the check and tip
across from the love
I never had

Till Breath Fades Away

till breath fades away
and hearts dance
to their final beat
I will love you
though time and tempest
will join hands and take
serpents from the sea
and swallow the lands
in a cascading wave of flame
though sun and moon
will correspond to wilt
and weather
no better will walking
be to running
for when the eons are let loose
genocide and suicide
are yours only to choose
as the masses

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Toss A Bottle Out The Window


You see

Me bleeding out

You see

The sky falling apart

You see

Them pack their bags


Runaway from me

I’m too slow

To stop them

Our vows

She had forgotten

But we didn’t match

Never have

Never will

The pain is great

The surprise, worse

I shall forever be stuck

Between love

And hate


And anger


As I watched her

Toss a bottle through the window

And my heart

Went up



Back From The Dead (Well, Sort of)



I’m approaching her. A friend that I’ve wronged. Very cautious, worried I might’ve done too much. Very conscious of my surroundings.

Then I awake. It’s just a dream.

I’m back everybody. Somewhat clearer mentally. College is being put on hold for now, which does have it perks. Work is going great. Friends are well. I stayed at at Mary’s (my boss) parents house and got to work at her store in Bristol last weekend, which was incredibly fun. I joined the Annapolis Nuerodiversity Society (the group leader, Meg, is a funny and sweet autistic) and I’ll certainly write more about this later. The latter has probably been the highlight of the last month. It felt good to talk to someone on this side. Someone I can actually see…look at. I’ve been missing that my entire life I guess. It feels isolating to just have yourself to talk to. I guess joining the group is kinda like a microcasm of my journey lately….

I still feel a little down. I dunno if any of my fellow autistics get this, but the side of my head always throbs when I’m longing for something. I don’t know what it is. It’s funny because I took a break trying to find the answer, and I still come back empty. Had an awkward conversation with a girl I know recently. Reminding me how behind I am. How socially unfit I am. It was painful to experience, because I know how dumb I feel. How she must have felt. How everyone witnessing it must have. Guess that’s why I’ll always be like this.

It feels good to post again. With no takers on my book yet, I sometimes feel like this is the furthest I’ll get as a writer. (Hope not) I missed reading your stories, your hearts. It’ll take me a bit to catch up, but I will. Hope you’re all doing well. I’ll have a longer post tomorrow, but for now here’s this

irrational fears make no sense

so reality I miss

it’s just an illusion

just lies

but I guess we’ll all find out

when we say goodbye