Left Alone With You

light takes off

into the abyss of memory

dusk and dawn forget how to behave

and I’m left alone with you

skin shivering from the warmth

radiating from our veins

deep green eyes

are the lighthouse to the end

of loneliness with you

fresh scars spill old blood

bonding ties become undone

and bruises never tasted so sweet

as I’m left alone with you

pumpkin flavored breath

seduces the fabric of my being

I’ve fallen for another

as I’m left alone

with you

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Shouldn’t Be Here But It’s A Great Place To Go

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(Haven’t posted one of these in a while so I thought it would be a good day to change that) 

Midnight moon

With his back turned

To the shadows

Of back door loving

She’s my pink finger

I’ve banged both

On the knob when I can’t see

Only I can see hers

Submissively tilting

Head back

She pulls on me

Drawing me in

Slowly but confident

A fisher of men

She’s been ready for hours

Biting at the bit

My lip

I tug on her

We kiss

One hand around my neck

The other down under

She’s never done this before

Basically choking me

But I love these moments

I don’t turn her away

I can’t

Only breathing her in

I play upon her teenage sins

Beautiful

And broken

She opens to me

With envious ease

Just when I’m ready

She whispers please

A twitch

From her thigh

As it runs away

From me

God, What Have You Become (Abuse)

solace

heaven’s a fraud

and hell, smoldering lies

over the still breathing heart

of virgin truth

if there is a kingdom on high

then strip my abuser

of the flesh on his wretched bones

blast a nine mile hole

in the lump of flesh we call a heart

the same way he mocks my chains

watching the bolts travel under wiry flesh

malnourished limbs tremble and traverse

the vague pretense of air

under the roof of domination

there is but death to breathe

carbon monoxide flushed down my throat

where is this Christ

that you place your hope

awash in my own birthing blood

and fed the waste of my exploitation

the mercy of this Lord

is near undone

when I rise on the steak

splinters pierce my lungs

there is no last gasp for me

so instead I cry in lonesome defeat

God, what have you become

 

The Hole In The Mast

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Falling for the sun

I miss the clouds

Drowning in the rain

I miss the drips

Running through the storm

I miss the eye

Aiming for her face

I missed her heart

You can only blame your troubles

On her for so long

You can only write

So many break-up posts

Before you begin

To doubt everything

You’ve ever done

Hole in the mast

The shit in my ship

Has finally got me going down

Down screaming

Maybe you won’t find out

What I’m doing

But you will know

What I’ve done

Someone Beautiful Is Reading This

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Dinning room silence

Except for a kitty purring away

There’s words knocking on my mind

I can’t explain them away

Especially not today

I actually slept well last night

No midnight sleepwalks

Two a.m. shivers

From a dream I had

The night before

The poet inside

Comes to life

And I’ll never

Put it to sleep

The muse is not what motivates

But the feelings I get

Writing what he or she

Has to say

I need no inspiration

Its part of why I love this life

Just a pen and my thoughts

I’ll put it somewhere

Maybe on your heart

Cause someone beautiful

Is reading this

When I Dream Of You

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sometimes I dream of you
when the lights are on
when everyone’s around
because that’s when I’m most alone
everyone is running past me
the storm of repetition is agony
I just want to listen to the rain
you see drops, I see tears
you have no one to blame
but me
I’m a living tragedy
who still can’t die
I love you
lost soul
I forgot how to make us whole
I don’t know if I ever will
but if we’re lost forever
just know we had our fill
and I’ll forget nothing
in your quest to becoming
the star I see at night
when everyone else has gone to sleep
there you are
in my dreams
thank you for being with me
now with a final line
you can finally rest
and have your time

Dry Heaving Seasick Lullabies

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My poetry

is for sailors and captains

with troubled thoughts

the nooses and broken stools

with self esteems to match

the rainbows, the puzzles

and the misfits in between

the native, the foreigner

and border crossing dreams

the misconstrued woman

who raises her children alone

and the father who leaves his home

to serve his country

rappers may have gold, athletes green

but don’t forget the kids working at McDonalds

is the American Dream within their reach?

the white under the bridge

the black leaving the Oval Office

the Indian Chief

and the Japanese who sell their daughters

to make a living profit

My poetry is for all

under the sun

to storm the castle

and take the world back

overdose it

give it a heart attack

and wake us from the slumber

we’ve been trapped in

for so long

Never Mine To Replace

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winds rebel

against the shadow of mine

as I stand facing the tsunami

coming in my face

I don’t blink or quiver

against the plague of memory

eroding little precious time

I gave my soul to her

and in my slavery became a sinner

the waters rise above my head

and swallowing hard

I gave my heart

so I would weigh less and float

among her waves

chastising me with dreams

and abusing a blink

I was shrouded in misery

and unable to think

in the palm of her sticky hands

forever between her legs

I was my own worst enemy

and her greatest slave

tormented to love the dark

pleading for my life

I bowed under her knife

why did I love her again

screaming agony

the bitter core of her luscious apple

too quick to taste

and I feel a pang of shame

because the spirit I let her steal

was never mine to replace

 

Entangled Orbits

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swimming in an eternal sea

spilling out the contents

of a black and blue me

this kid isn’t alright

and frankly never was

head in a closet

hands on a molotov

I was always desperate for pain

the burn made me forget

why I was left aside

the fire was in my eyes

and left on my back

the belt buckle took a toll

I wanted her black, I wanted her broken

because I was

I wanted her filthy, I wanted her ashamed

because I am

entangled orbits don’t care about face

just gravity

and I want to stay here forever

they call out to me

rattling in dripping white dens

fuck it, take me

take me away from everything that matters

and I’m still left alone

because the devil doesn’t want your soul

or your body

with your time

he has both

Some Good, Some Bad, Mostly In Between

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Hello WordPress. Coming to you in my (very awesome) Fall Out Boy Bomber Jacket (I’m not walking around with this on, it was just for this pic), I’ve been more or less tired as of late. Mentally more than physically.. the days have really started to become blurs. Maybe it’s just the season, just the cold, but it’s a mildly oppressing moshpit of activities. Thanksgiving Week will be weird since Mary’s Gourmet be open Tuesday and Wednesday, which are days I usually spend reading and writing at home or at a park/coffee shop somewhere. Anyway. I’m an aspie holding a customer service job for nine months. Kinda crazy, but it’s humbling and a reminder of how far I’ve come. Customers are always telling me I’m such a wonderful presence, and that I’m always fast of my feet and finding solutions. Heh. Guess I blend in better than I thought I could. Or the gluten free diet is working. I haven’t been exactly GF though. I did order a gluten free pie from one of my favorite vendors at our farmers market for thanksgiving, so #Progress.

Registering for college next year. Now that my dad isn’t around to fuck up, I can actually get the school my tax information. Can’t believe he cost me a year, and way too much embarrassment. Haven’t really done anything school-related, which has allowed me to write a ton. Also, reading. I read Catcher In The Rye over the summer (hated it), but it was nice to have so much free time. It feels good to be writing, but not poetry. Been feeling down lately. Mostly upset with the lack of response from publishers about my book.  Blog views are down. Also having a hard time integrating at my Teen Arts Council. I was there last year but this year I can’t get there on time (work), so I miss about half a meeting. I felt like this year would be better, but I actually feel worse. I just can’t make friends. And none of the girls are interested in me. (Asks someone why). They’re gay. That’s news. I’m not upset, but it does explain the…I dunno how to put it. 

Been published twice in the last couple months on SpillWords….

http://spillwords.com/failure-for-all-to-see/

http://spillwords.com/dear-her/

Here’s my interview with https://mademoisellewomen.com

https://mademoisellewomen.com/2017/11/12/blogging-for-business-with-devereaux-fraizer-of-maryland-poet-blog/

You Were Meant To Know The Night Writing Prompt 

https://braveandrecklessblog.com/2017/10/13/you-were-meant-to-know-the-night-writing-prompt-challenge-devereaux-frazier/

Letting Go for https://tanyatale.wordpress.com

https://tanyatale.wordpress.com/2017/10/27/poetry-with-devereaux-frazier-letting-go/