Looking Up

Something about her complexion

It doesn’t spell love or a need for affection

Rather, there’s a solemn silence that begs

Why do you love? Why do you think you can?

I’m baffled by the confidence, the bravado

To challenge my advances, be unashamed

Turning me away not in spite of me

But because I am not what can satisfy her

Fully, without doubt, without regret

She is someone that I’ll always adore

From afar, watching her dance late at night

To songs I’ve never heard, watch her sing

With sounds I can only dream of hearing

Born wildflower, captain of gravity

And master of unexplainable wonders

Sometimes I call her flawed, other times friend

But always a star I can look up to

Always human

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When the darkness falls, I’m at my worst

Again and again, daylight stifles my moods

I’d rather walk through the dark alone

Than the brightest sun with fake friends

Imposters who bind me to a world I can’t stand

And tease me with love I’ll never have

But I feel I have a job to do, so I’m not done

There’s always another word to be written

Because there’s always another soul driven

To termination, because there’s no justice

In the jealousy and bigotry of social media

If we don’t measure up, we’re less than

And if I measure too far, am I tryna be white?

There’s pain in these poets I see here

And broken bones in the men I feel there

Held to a standard women would never see

Look at Matt Lauer, Harvey Weinstein, Cosby

But drug a man, rob him, and drop a fine beat

And they defend you in these streets

Everyday I emerge with wings

But you never see them, cause they hate ‘em

National Poetry Month, Day One (Yes, I Know I’m Behind 😂)

My freedom?

The color of my skin?

Living in freedom from oppression?

Up in flames

My neighborhood

Under the weight of drugs and wayward cops

Lack of fatherly eyes to watch the kids

Up in flames

Sinister ministers don’t tell us the truth

Taking our rent, taking our checks

For a promise we’ll never see

Up in flames

Futures go, windows close

Nobody sees, nobody knows

And we’re told Cardi B is the way to go

Up in flames

My brothers, sisters, they’re dying

My fathers, mothers, ain’t lying

We don’t know where we’re going but

Up in flames

With You

I can only cut it loose

When I’m with you

You can be inside of me, and everything

Is clear, present, and ever beautiful

My clouded mind brightens, and the tempest

Becomes a flowering blossom of satisfaction

Of course, a future with you will never be

I can’t be with you always, or even sometimes

So the little moments of sanity are treasured

Maybe more than they would with any other

I can only cut it loose

When I’m with you

When I’m with you

When I’m with you

Nothing

No today, no tomorrow

No tonight, no yesterday

Just a little bit of blood on my tongue

And a headache that drags my heart down

Deeper than the gates of Hell

Wider than the chasm between happiness

And whatever the fuck I’m feeling

No sunlight, no moonshine

No warmth, no starlight

There’s innocent feelings on my fingertips

And murder on the track, my tumultuous path

Children born just to die

Life given just to be lost

If I could ever lie down on this stoop so low

I won’t ever, because they’re always falling

Lower and lower, I can’t sleep at all

Shivering, I let them come over me

Saying nothing, they take what’s theirs

And leave me feeling emptier than ever before

Full conscious, I know they’ll be back

Expecting me to be ready once more

Rejection (Always A Page Left)

There’s always a page left to fill

A dream to be dream

A nightmare to awaken

Money to be made is a day

Already gone when you wake

Happened again when you fall asleep

Because time is hardly a straight line

And I’m hardly straight

Not gay, either

cause I’m full of hate and anger

Pissed off and pleased to be alive

So I can watch people do stupid things

Think I’d want to do them too

And then become annoyed when they realize

I’m just not made to be played

Rewind me to the very beginning

And you’d find someone quite similar

Just shorter, but with a devil’s temperament

More conscious of it now, I throw it around

A cowboy in a ring of thieves

I paint the truth, my truth

And if you don’t like it, beat it

I was made to give life, defeated often

But rising always

Rejection

Is motivation that sculpts my reflection

Disappearing Acts

Candlelight keeps the words from disappearing underneath blankets of somber

Silence wonders if I’ll ever pick up the pen

And write those letters again

Letters that tell how sorry I am

And how much you don’t deserve me

Letters describing my criminal animosity

Towards anyone that’s ever passed their eyes

On you, on me, a devilish gleam glows bright

I swear I didn’t care, but you know

I could break his neck with two fingers

If he ever got close enough, but you hide him

Because my anger doesn’t hide, I won’t let it

Tell me I don’t matter, that I never last

You forget my black on black, that’s the way

I’m strapped, don’t ever forget that

My mind tied to an electric chair

Burning prose into palms unwilling

I remember everything they made me forget

Quiet Thoughts

I hang from my web and ponder

What it means to be a lover, and to be loved

Without giving anything, being accepted

Just for who you are

Always, motions are not reciprocated

Hardly noticed, they’re just not aware of me

I think I’m yelling, but all they hear is whispers

Maybe I’m drowning I don’t know it

So used to lungs full of carbon monoxide

I can’t understand that I really am just dying

Tomorrow is another question, another case

That the jury’s hardly anxious to address

Tonight is empty bottles and sad songs

Juxtaposed with pictures on the wall

Of an iron clad warrior that admire but cannot

And won’t ever imitate

Because I don’t need a mask, I show my face

Broken, betrayed, but always ready

To bear the fray

All Along

What do I see

Through the silence, through understanding

That we don’t understand each other

Every time, there’s a hope that we’ve solved it

And every time, there’s a ridge in our love

A crack in our armor, a scar on our hearts

That tells us: as much as we care, we’ll never

Get it all right

And that’s alright, because I fight the long way

You might not think I’m better

But as the sun settles on my passionate words

And you realize every love you’ve had is a lie

The song I sing is the one that stirs

I’ve been here for you all along

Searching

The meal’s long gone

But I still find myself unable to move

Caught in the trappings of a full mind

Not belly, as you might assume

I digest not food but feelings

And within them come bouts of sadness

Rage, and malcontent with myself

Maybe I took it the wrong way

The hand holding, the stares into our eyes

We’d forever be friends, we swore

But would we really?

I love to travel, you love searching

But am I the one you’re looking for?

And would I leave my life for your love?

Oceans seem small until I reach the harbor

And the moon seems close until I sleep

We’re so, so far away

Yet somehow the risk seems worth it

I feel so satisfied

Yet I know there’s even more I can have