strike me dead

Strike me dead, if you will, if you must

But I’ve survived one hundred percent

Of my bad days

My good-for-nothing, thoughtless days

I trust the process, reap the results

And pray to god I get to do it again

I can be killed, just not by you

Breathing poems with every step of my shoe

Ballistic missiles tearing down every rebuke

Heat-seeking rays devour simplistic views

Though I find myself down in the blues

I realize not everyone can see what I see

Or believe what I believe

I’ve been led to find the spirits who do

Life’s too short to take someone’s scraps

whispers

sinister whispers

doors slam shut

there she goes

windows turned to ice

and the wind picks up speed

I’m lost and motionless

the air is profoundly speechless

where is my comfort, my consoler

the right thing to do

is often nothing at all

though I’m left in a predicament

I usually have you to help me through

I know I didn’t trust you, and hurt

is only the tip of iceberg

lodged in our throats

I don’t want to have to start over

but I’d like to start somewhere

trying

no woman

but I’ve carried children

infant dreams, youthful potential

reckless if I sleep, potent

going on my fifth sleepless night

because everything I create with my hands

I’ve seen with my third eye

everything I love, I was loved by

in my own mind

I’ve been let down, and I’ve been scarred

but blood is just a sign that I’m human

still beating, still breathing

still writing words that keep the world believing

in itself

and each other

don’t call me your mother

but I’ll never turn down a child, fatherless

yet protector of everything I hold dear

ride or die but they can never say

I didn’t try

forgiving

left speechless by her silence

I pause to recollect older lessons

trapped in stained mirror

Snapchat flash, do I sense a dash

of tragedy?

sprinkled within her supple bosom

is the voice of angels, and a song

to bring satan off his throne in tears

I was that devil, and when I heard

every facade of strength caved in

struggling to admit my character

warped in the presence

I asked for forgiveness, I asked

for another day

not because I deserved a moment more

she has faith, I have pain

we don’t look past our troubles

but within

to see that we’ll always be scarred

sometimes scared

but never broken

no thought

no thought

give him thought

give you, and him

no

thought

dreamt of being loved

reality of being second

uncomfortable with the possibility

that you fucked it all away

no

to be content with whatever position

it’s hard when you say you love me

but cry over someone else

what am I to you?

or should I ask what are we

to me?

tired of being strung out, teased

I just want to hold you

are you trying to push me away

or do you want to see me run after you

I

Don’t

Know

hits and bruises

I am not

weary

though I appear

a broken record

an album only played

for the hits, the bruises

the songs that make them laugh

written, left me in tears

nevermind that, why are these pencil shavings

piling up in the corner, my vacuum won’t collect

no matter how many times I turn it on

they always stay in the same place

similar to the amount of hands

doctors tried to heal me

but no matter how many times they cleared

I just never came back to life

always staying in the same place

color(less)

I’ll let my son play with his rattle

No, not that one! My antidepressants

So many ugly colors to wash away

Even less colorful feelings

I wish they didn’t exist, I wished I didn’t

please, I apologize for my absence

and absent minded decisions

I’ve been dead for so long

Who knows if vibrant touch is foe

Or enemy dressed as a friend

See! I have no optimism

just a ration of hope that tomorrow

will be only slightly better than today

And my mind plays tricks, it sees love

When there’s just friends

And enemies where there are shadows

Help me someone

Before I choke myself to death

as a mime cleaning a window

suffers laughter as a means to a better life

feeling

catch a feeling, lost in transcendent scene

you and I aren’t anything I ever dreamed

maybe I was selfish, maybe I was rude

or I just wished for a different version

of the mirage I called you

I got tired of being a friend and nothing else

left to wonder if that’s all I’d ever achieve

now I see, through the silence

and the sears called my eye

I learned what is love and what is lust

and what just isn’t ever meant to be mine

it doesn’t mean I can’t love you

or that we can’t be together

we just can’t be

what I want to be

when I will learn that’s alright

infinite

on my way home

home? Well, not that one, not yet

it’s cold, this road is, and I feel alone

but I’ve got you in the back of my mind

so I know it’s only a matter of time

before I’m in your arms again

riding in your Volkswagen

we can go anywhere, we can go everywhere

gas doesn’t matter

there’s no place I’d rather be

than with you, in this dimension

within this galaxy, on this planet

on this continent, in this country

in this finite moment

of infinite destiny

new song

sing me a new song

and let your face forever be nestled

underneath my chin

we’ve remained silent, and we’ve wrestled

with what it means to be distant yet thorough

in searching for truth yet glued

to what we both know is true

if I ever had a wish unanswered

you leave me breathless for one

and if I ever had a moment alone

I felt your hands in the morning

sunshine, keep me cool in the heat

ever sweating in the winter

because I know when you’re nearer

every frown turns to joy

and every sun sets

in anticipation of being

the first one to welcome

our union