Nothing Much To Say

cropped-autism-quotes-11.png

I love to hate

And hate to love

Everything that comes

From above

Words I always say

That you never hear

For fear of breaking hearts

I’ve never been near

And now I’m here

Alone

With nothing much to say

And less to give

Just a quiet soul

Ready to live

Things I don’t know how

And ones I shouldn’t ever

These days are just a mirror

Of forever

So wash up

Chin up

Put a smile on that face

You never know

Who’s looking back

Advertisements

Like Everyone Else

IMG_0110

Writing on

To tell the story

Of someone who doesn’t

Like to speak

Very often

I do

But selective

As to who

I do

Not everyone

Or even every other

Has earned this

It’s funny

Really

How I come off

Open and chatty to some

Reclusive and shallow

To others

I don’t choose, it chooses

For me

I’m just along

For the ride

Please don’t hate me

I want to love

Like everyone else

I just don’t do it

Like everyone else

Moments Wasted

flat800x800070f.u3

The helicopter

Circles around the deep

Blue sky that stares

Stares at me

Asking me why

What have I done

To ever deserve this time

I think of helicopters

Before I reply

As the symbol of the love interests

In my short life

Every so many

Someone comes around

I think I’m in love

And throw myself

At closed doors

Every blink of light

Is real love

For my true

Lost

Every breath wasted

Every moment

Soured by youth

And rotten by desire

For something

I’ll probably never have

Anyway

Shouldn’t Be Here But It’s A Great Place To Go

22528390_10155918799429756_7895627831839429012_n

(Haven’t posted one of these in a while so I thought it would be a good day to change that) 

Midnight moon

With his back turned

To the shadows

Of back door loving

She’s my pink finger

I’ve banged both

On the knob when I can’t see

Only I can see hers

Submissively tilting

Head back

She pulls on me

Drawing me in

Slowly but confident

A fisher of men

She’s been ready for hours

Biting at the bit

My lip

I tug on her

We kiss

One hand around my neck

The other down under

She’s never done this before

Basically choking me

But I love these moments

I don’t turn her away

I can’t

Only breathing her in

I play upon her teenage sins

Beautiful

And broken

She opens to me

With envious ease

Just when I’m ready

She whispers please

A twitch

From her thigh

As it runs away

From me

The Hole In The Mast

DIHvbFAWsAMmmfZ

Falling for the sun

I miss the clouds

Drowning in the rain

I miss the drips

Running through the storm

I miss the eye

Aiming for her face

I missed her heart

You can only blame your troubles

On her for so long

You can only write

So many break-up posts

Before you begin

To doubt everything

You’ve ever done

Hole in the mast

The shit in my ship

Has finally got me going down

Down screaming

Maybe you won’t find out

What I’m doing

But you will know

What I’ve done

Never Mine To Replace

skulls death dead smoke 2560x1440 wallpaper_www.wallpapername.com_76

winds rebel

against the shadow of mine

as I stand facing the tsunami

coming in my face

I don’t blink or quiver

against the plague of memory

eroding little precious time

I gave my soul to her

and in my slavery became a sinner

the waters rise above my head

and swallowing hard

I gave my heart

so I would weigh less and float

among her waves

chastising me with dreams

and abusing a blink

I was shrouded in misery

and unable to think

in the palm of her sticky hands

forever between her legs

I was my own worst enemy

and her greatest slave

tormented to love the dark

pleading for my life

I bowed under her knife

why did I love her again

screaming agony

the bitter core of her luscious apple

too quick to taste

and I feel a pang of shame

because the spirit I let her steal

was never mine to replace

 

Entangled Orbits

2060ae8a46b54cd365df64083ebc0b2e

swimming in an eternal sea

spilling out the contents

of a black and blue me

this kid isn’t alright

and frankly never was

head in a closet

hands on a molotov

I was always desperate for pain

the burn made me forget

why I was left aside

the fire was in my eyes

and left on my back

the belt buckle took a toll

I wanted her black, I wanted her broken

because I was

I wanted her filthy, I wanted her ashamed

because I am

entangled orbits don’t care about face

just gravity

and I want to stay here forever

they call out to me

rattling in dripping white dens

fuck it, take me

take me away from everything that matters

and I’m still left alone

because the devil doesn’t want your soul

or your body

with your time

he has both

Life I Don’t Deserve

THE-BOLD-MOM_rain_paul

droplets stain the screen

and I write your name

in nature’s braille

the cold kiss on my forehead

silences my head

calming the inner storm

not too distant from the outside

the patter on plastic

is the footstep to your door

memories slip through the trees

carried by brisk fall winds

the darkness may frighten

but I am emboldened at what I don’t know

a moon-less night may tempt

but in you, I have already made my fall

for I cannot marry

but I will love

I cannot commit

and my heart will be undone

at the slightest inclination

of withdrawal

or the injury I suffer

when I force your call

throwing myself into nature

as if she will rapture me already

because I don’t deserve

another shot at this life

Breaking Up, Falling Down

broken

breaking up

falling down

glass is shattering

as I fall so loud

the wind tears holes

in a broken back

I crash onto an island

of my own desperation

burn the ship

and cast away my flag

I’m worse off without you

floating in a sea

of my creation

but better because of you

finally able

to create my own elation

the sun shines colder

and the moon stays longer

without you

but I finally feel on my way

so goodbye

and thank you

to the tremor

on my faults

the AK

to my Columbine

and the lone bullet

in a death game of the ages

The Song Of The Insane (Autistic Rage)

crow-on-girls-head-pinterest

into darkness

go these words of pain

fisting violently in rage

hoping never to feel them again

stirring autism with experience

and sorrowful delirious

mixing meddling memories

ladled over morose mutations

of the being they called me

I have my cake

but I never eat it

just beat it

gluten makes me nauseous

and anxious to do you harm

flippant and fucking annoyed

with you so I disarm

my bombs of cunning wordplay

and tanks of political prowess

to leave you stripped of flesh

in the wake of my nuclear fallout

I am a fall out boy

no longer wishing you well

but waiting for hell

to tell me I’ve returned

I live life free from enemy lines

but I still burn

you expect, I accept

and then nonchalantly redirect

ignorance and vanity

will never supercede my finality

I quake not in fear

but in here, I am near

the darkness

and these songs of the insane