What I Wanted Anyway

I guess you could say

I’m confused

Are my emotions being abused

Or I simply misreading

Like always

The scales don’t fall away

They just build up

I’m left in a rut

Emotionally, the San Andreas

I don’t know where I will bend

For how long

I do know that I can

But others have noticed as well

Maybe too well

I wish I could understand people’s faces

I wish I knew what they meant

But that would be wishing for my death

Maybe I wanted that anyway


What You Can’t Change

The truth about me is

I don’t care what happens to me

I stopped

A long time ago

Life is too short, too precious

To be forever caught up in what you didn’t

What you could’ve done better

What you could’ve said worse

Can always stoop lower

and time can’t change that

time won’t forgive you for that

and even though it hurts

some things should just stay buried

turn and don’t look back

time’s racing around the track

and while you’re wishing



for someone to magically improve you

the real

potential you

is long gone

we only get so many windows

so many chances

to do this right

why risk what you did

and couldn’t change

for what you haven’t

and every chance to?

Dying By Choice

I’d hate to die

alone, penniless and parted

from both love and life and liberty

but if I have no connection to people

I surely shall

introvert and all, I have to stand up

above my gut intuition

to hide among the hoods

and cover myself with thorns

as to avoid detection

because I carry a heavy word

but lack the voice

I am dying, on top of my own

little world

dying by my own choice

Expensive Mistakes

The ashes stop falling

and the sparrows stop calling

the sun peaks out behind the billowing smoke

and casts a heavy hand upon the land

the rivers run from new names

the seas malnourish the brain

and the inhabitants do the same thing

each and every day

hating each other, stepping on each other

for measly moments of momentary matters

killing each other, bribing each other

you might think I’m predicting the future

but I’m actually living in the present

I present to you the human race

millions of years old

but stuck in the same place

Blood Into Ink (Make Them Think)

There’s no savior here,


There’s no crusade against the cutthroats

or the gravediggers

no mercy for the abortion, no grace for the sinner

Glory, for who?

certainly not you

abuser and apostate

serving us pills to swallow

upon plates of bones

of mothers and daughters from frightened homes

thrown down from their worthy pedestal

the Mary in each of our lives, worthy

of divine treatment and a golden throne

but thieves and thorns cast a trap

and pluck them one by one

until they are left as beggars


or prisoners

each lot the same, yet worse in certain ways

and there’s always one more

to take the dead’s place

turning blood into ink

doesn’t do a ounce of justice

if it doesn’t make you think

so look at the women in your life

and offer them that

because they’re worth it

because they deserve it

because without them you wouldn’t have the chance

to hold oxygen on the scales

no one of us is pure enough to hold

Your Name Must Be Flawed

I tell you who I am

so you can understand

I tell you who I am

so you can bare witness to my hands

I don’t gain from uncovering these faults

but you see what not to do

I don’t gain from pulling back the scar tissue

but see what happens when you’re not true

My god, my flaws

Your name must be Flawed

I look at the blood I’ve spilled

mostly importantly that of others

I look at the tears I’ve shared

not unlike those in my trail of destruction

I really am the worst of all

I can pity fools and their miserable ways

because until you see the light

the minutes melt into days

heads walk into the sun’s rays

you travel along in your ways

and you think it’ll be over when night falls

but then you wake up

and it’s just the beginning

of your daze

Pray For Me

Heavy sigh

and a knock on the door

there’s so much to be asked forgiveness for

Only the Lord knows is understatement of the year

I fear

I’m unredeemable

I wear

the stains on my skin, and my heart

is crushed by the feet of the neurotypical world

my soul is given but a moment’s respite

before I am asked to strike with broken fists

tired wishes, and deeper ditches

can’t come soon enough

for when I’ve laid it all down

you all beg for more blood

you beg for an ounce more

a pound at the door

and I give, because I don’t know how to take

the time allotted for me to spend to grow

the space granted to me to become

better than the man before me

and the men I hope to leave after

but I can’t escape the clutches of the undead

so I put my head under the waters

and write you little notes to hang on your walls

something to remind you, I’m still here

but fading slower as I lose oxygen

soon I’ll be gone

and who will remember me then?

2017, 2018…Humans Haven’t Changed A Bit

2017’s gone, 2018’s here

Ten days in already, time must hate

to be near to us, pathetic humans

drowning ourselves in the waves

of technology and advancement

growing cities, growing nations

but what about the Earth, our only planet

people lived on Mars, but we’re not aliens

at least not yet

I sit at tables in malls and watch the interaction

between brothers, sisters, and adults alike

they’re so rude, disrespectful, and vain

presented with their flaws, hardly contrite

but eager to shine the light on your missteps

humans are so full of shit

accuse the other party of that which they are guilty

they want freedom, yet are slaves

to what’s behind the screen

Martin Luther King Jr died for his beautiful dream

but black men can’t see past sneakers and jeans

whites are no better, loving Hillary and Bieber

fans eagerly claim Belieber, but who’s a believer

judging by church attendance, I’d say too few

please let’s look past the president

and the feel the temperatures rising and falling

climate change is changing the Earth

and the change is hardly coincidence

with the climate of countries, so near to war

what do you believe in

what do you fight for

Secret Lovers, Secret Daughters


Sitting silent in the corner

of a poorly lit room

her head huddled over a parcel in her lap

wondering if I’ll show up soon

it was under the silver moon

We turned our lives golden

through sweat and tears

We gave us a new name

a sun to last us all our years

together, and even if they disparage you

because of my legacy

I’ll show them who I can be

in spite of the darkness around me

so when I descend the staircase

and I catch the tear in your eye

I hear her crying come to a sudden end

and I know we’re gonna be alright

Afraid To Show our Face

Our backs are to each other

and we care not how little breath we have

our backs, to those behind us

seem clad in golden jackets

with silver buttons

our backs, to those in front of us

are worn with scars of toil

and kisses of seduction

but to us, our backs are nothing more

than the horsemen of our unsightly lives

so we hide them with sheaves of innocence

our backs, our fronts, it matters not to infinity

we are flawed, oh, so deeply flawed

but we weigh right and wrong over our kind

as if we are gods

but we sacrifice our kind in the name of right and wrong

as if they were slaves

we are not the plow

but the field

we are not the slave

but the shackle

having no more control over our destiny

than the man or woman in our charge

we are not our own creation

America, it’s time

to rid ourselves of our shame

and let ourselves go

reveal the truth for all to see

and be freed by the singularity

of its calling