Some Good, Some Bad, Mostly In Between

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Hello WordPress. Coming to you in my (very awesome) Fall Out Boy Bomber Jacket (I’m not walking around with this on, it was just for this pic), I’ve been more or less tired as of late. Mentally more than physically.. the days have really started to become blurs. Maybe it’s just the season, just the cold, but it’s a mildly oppressing moshpit of activities. Thanksgiving Week will be weird since Mary’s Gourmet be open Tuesday and Wednesday, which are days I usually spend reading and writing at home or at a park/coffee shop somewhere. Anyway. I’m an aspie holding a customer service job for nine months. Kinda crazy, but it’s humbling and a reminder of how far I’ve come. Customers are always telling me I’m such a wonderful presence, and that I’m always fast of my feet and finding solutions. Heh. Guess I blend in better than I thought I could. Or the gluten free diet is working. I haven’t been exactly GF though. I did order a gluten free pie from one of my favorite vendors at our farmers market for thanksgiving, so #Progress.

Registering for college next year. Now that my dad isn’t around to fuck up, I can actually get the school my tax information. Can’t believe he cost me a year, and way too much embarrassment. Haven’t really done anything school-related, which has allowed me to write a ton. Also, reading. I read Catcher In The Rye over the summer (hated it), but it was nice to have so much free time. It feels good to be writing, but not poetry. Been feeling down lately. Mostly upset with the lack of response from publishers about my book.  Blog views are down. Also having a hard time integrating at my Teen Arts Council. I was there last year but this year I can’t get there on time (work), so I miss about half a meeting. I felt like this year would be better, but I actually feel worse. I just can’t make friends. And none of the girls are interested in me. (Asks someone why). They’re gay. That’s news. I’m not upset, but it does explain the…I dunno how to put it. 

Been published twice in the last couple months on SpillWords….

http://spillwords.com/failure-for-all-to-see/

http://spillwords.com/dear-her/

Here’s my interview with https://mademoisellewomen.com

https://mademoisellewomen.com/2017/11/12/blogging-for-business-with-devereaux-fraizer-of-maryland-poet-blog/

You Were Meant To Know The Night Writing Prompt 

https://braveandrecklessblog.com/2017/10/13/you-were-meant-to-know-the-night-writing-prompt-challenge-devereaux-frazier/

Letting Go for https://tanyatale.wordpress.com

https://tanyatale.wordpress.com/2017/10/27/poetry-with-devereaux-frazier-letting-go/

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Liebster Award: You’ve Been Nominated! (Thanks ThatGirl4Ever)

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Thanks to ThatGirl4Ever for nominating me for the Liebster Award. She posted Award Nomination on the 17th of this month, but I just saw it yesterday night. (I get anxious even online, and often overlook things) She’s a great teen blogger with fun and interesting posts. You would be doing it wrong if you didn’t go check her out.

Ten random facts about me:

  1. Never been out the country
  2. Man crush on Travis Kelce (I mean, come on….)

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3. (You all know I love Kate Upton and Kara Delevingne, but also…)

bf541a6a51ea7d164e8ff6b0750c1f6f--mandy-kay-beautiful-models.jpg(one of the few PG-13 pics of my future ex-wife)

4. I’m afraid of heights

5. I eat Kiwi’s whole (skin and everything)

6. Also afraid of: large bodies of water

7. I didn’t know who Guy Fieri was until four months ago

8. Never eaten crab

9. I can’t sing

10. Once booted off Black Ops 3 for killing one guy too many times

Now, to answering her questions

What are you afraid of?

Girls. And centipedes.

What’s your fav. genre for movies?

Action. Anything with Jennifer Lawrence.

The tv show you regret watching?

American Dad. Because I watch at least five episodes every night.

What’s your top life goal?

Leaving as many people with the truth as I can. Especially about autism. And the reality behind politics.

What’s your fav. book of all time? (any language)

A Northern Light (tied with The Jungle) 

What are your most common top six lies?

I’m normal. I don’t want to get married. I’m okay. Tell me more. Writing is hard. Barack Obama was a decent president.

What would you use your one wish on?

Humanity. Stop killing one another.

What’s the first thing that attracts you to a person? 

If it’s a girl? The eyes. Smiles are close, though. (I usually say whatever’s inside their shirts but I’m really trying to tone down my horndog traits.)

 

Nominees:

Pretty Kool Dame

DarkFairyJournals

Broken Blue Sky

WenieGirl

Ana P Rose

King Ben’s Grandma

Brink Brink Break

Keely The Cynical Reject

The Cure (?)For Autism, Part Two

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Speaking of the inside, that brings me to the point of this article. I titled this “The Cure For Autism” because I have it. I’ve spent a lot of time on this blog talking about the affects of Aspergers on me, and how I go about modifying my life to balance both my internal needs and those of the people around me. People say that autism is incurable, because it’s not a disease or something of that ilk. However, I believe that there is something that can greatly reduce, if not eradicate, the effects of autism. It’s a four letter word we use everyday.

Food.

Complex? Far from it. See, when we talk autism we immediately think of the brain, spinal cord, and nerves. Especially when regarding aspergers, since it is perceived to be a neurological disorder, do we assume that there’s something wrong with the brain. What scientists, autistics, and everyone in between fails to see is that our lower body is a mirror image of the upper regions. There is science out there that shows the similar the gut and the brain really are. The gut and the brain are connected, and when you alter one you alter the other.

A study released in the summer of ’15 showed that there was autism rates jumped 18% in children of teenage mothers. “This hasn’t really been seen before, and we can’t really explain it,” says Brian Lee, an associate professor of epidemiology and biostatistics at Drexel University and a research fellow at the A.J. Drexel Autism Institute. He hypothesized that it may have to had to do with sub-optimal pregancies and health care, but what if has to do with the poor food choices made by teenagers in America today?

Reading on “Food For The Brain”, I found these key pieces of information in the fight for autism clarity:

“Deficiencies in essential fats are common in people with autism. Research by Dr Gordon Bell at Stirling University has shown that some autistic children have an enzymatic defect that removes essential fats from brain cell membranes more quickly than it should. This means that an autistic child is likely to need a higher intake of essential fats than the average. And it has been found that supplementing EPA, which can slow the activity of the defective enzyme, has clinically improved behavior, mood, imagination, spontaneous speech, sleep patterns and focus of autistic children.”

“There is much overlap between ADH/hyperactivity and autism, so for autistic children who show signs of hyperactivity, improving blood sugar balance is a must.”

“Dietary studies consistently reveal that hyperactive children eat more sugar than other children4. Other research has confirmed that the problem is not sugar itself but the forms it comes in, the absence of a well-balanced diet overall, and abnormal glucose metabolism. A study of 265 hyperactive children found that more than three-quarters of them displayed abnormal glucose tolerance, – that is, their bodies were less able to handle sugar intake and maintain balanced blood sugar levels.”

“In any case, when a child is regularly snacking on refined carbohydrates, sweets, chocolate, fizzy drinks, juices and little or no fibre to slow the glucose absorption, the levels of glucose in their blood will seesaw continually and trigger wild fluctuations in their levels of activity, concentration, focus and behaviour-. These, of course, will not help any child’s brain function.”

“Paediatrician Mary Megson from Richmond, Virginia, believes that many autistic children are lacking in vitamin A. Otherwise known as retinol, vitamin A is essential for vision. It is also vital for building healthy cells in the gut and brain.”

“The best sources of vitamin A are breast milk, organ meats, milk fat, fish and cod liver oil, none of which are prevalent in our diets. Instead, we have formula milk, fortified food and multivitamins, many of which contain altered forms of retinol such as retinyl palmitate, which doesn’t work as well as the fish or animal-derived retinol. Megson began speculating what might happen if these children weren’t getting enough natural vitamin A12.”

“She realised that not only would this affect the integrity of the digestive tract, potentially leading to allergies. It would also affect the development of their brains, and disturb their vision. Both brain differences and visual defects have been detected in autistic children. The visual defects, Megson deduced, were an important clue because lack of vitamin A would mean poor black and white vision, a symptom often seen in the relatives of autistic children. If you can’t see black and white, you can’t see shadows. And without that you lose the ability to perceive three-dimensionality. This in turn leaves you less able to make sense of people’s expressions, which could explain why some autistic children tend not to look straight at you. They look at you sideways. Long thought to be a sign of poor socialisation, this sideways technique may in fact be the best way for them to see people’s expressions, because there are more black and white light receptors at the edge of the visual field than in the middle.”

This research is ASTOUNDING because it explains so much of what plagues those on the autism spectrum. Here we are, putting our heads in the sand believing that there’s nothing we can do for autistics, when in fact the very cure is right in front of us.

Take it from me, someone who works at a donut and coffee shop and whose favorite foods just happen to be the worst foods for me. It will be hard for me to give up things like donuts and pizza, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t give so my limitations could be breached. I’ve read the stories and heard the struggles. They can end, right here, right now.

Drastic reductions of symptoms are possible, IF we change our lifestyles. These changes are not easily undertaken, but gradual reductions of things like gluten, casein, and artificial sugars can change the lives of autistics across the world.

Starting today, I’m going to change my diet. The process will be gradual, but I will document each day. I’ll record how I’m feeling and thinking. I believe that if I have the ability to make myself better, why ignore it?

Maybe I’ll even encourage my fellow autistic bloggers to do the same.

CALLING ALL BLOGGERS!

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Over the last couple weeks, I’ve been thinking about how to improve my blog. The reason for my hiatus last month was to find ways to improve. My blog is a big part of my life, and I feel like if I made changes there, I should make changes here. Nothing fancy, but little things here and there. The things that are often overlooked but essential to truly having a peaceful, pleasant life.

Since Tanya over at https://tanyatale.wordpress.com has been featuring my work (thanks again, Tanya!), I’ve decided to do the same. There’s so many bloggers on WordPress that have helped me, so I want to give back a little. I’m going to start featuring bloggers in guest posts starting next week! 

Who am I looking for? Well, since this is an aspergers/autism blog, those who mainly deal with those topics will be first priority. I can’t post videos (I’m not that upgraded, yet), but stories, articles, and memoirs about autism/aspergers, along with general mental health, are all eagerly accepted. 

However, I’m not ending the invitation there. I’m leaving it open to writers and bloggers of all sorts. Your passion could be politics, art, food, or travel. Just as long as you love writing, though. If your posts are mainly/completely pictures, I can’t take it. (A picture here or there though is fine) If you do decide to send me your work, please include a short bio with your name (either your real one or pseudonym). 

(If you already have a blog, but want another place to put it, that’s fine too!)

To submit your work, email it to me at chiefssince09@Gmail.com, send me a message through my Facebook page, or direct message on twitter (follow @marylandpoet and I’ll follow back) 

I can’t wait to see what you send! 🙂 🙂 🙂

(And, if you could share this post to maximize viewership, that would be fantastic)

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Blogging Anniversary: Re-living WordPress Users Who Left Something Special

Today marks one year since Creative Writing of a Teenage Aspergian became part of the world wide web. I’ve discovered my voice with you, and have become a bigger voice in the autism community. It wouldn’t have been possible without your support, so as a way of saying thank you, here are the best bits of inspiration I’ve gotten over the last year.

 

 

Here’s to a great 2017 and beyond!

Two Blogger Awards In One: Mystery and Versatile

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Thanks to Just Me (https://silentfall.blog) and  1WiseWoman (https://wisewoman2016.wordpress.com/) for nominating for the Mystery Blogger Award and Versatile Blogger Awards two weeks ago, respectively.  Just Me is already one of my favorite bloggers, thanks to her beautiful (and sometimes amazingly sexy) poetry and wonderful sense of humor, while 1WiseWoman has been a blog devoted to strength, awareness, and support of those with mental illness. As Just Me is also an aspie, I can really relate to each and am grateful for the kind words they leave on my blog. YOU LADIES ROCK.

In addition to Cocoons’ nomination for the Blogger Recognition Award, it’s been an AMAZING week for the blog, and I am too eager to use this time to once again say THANK YOU to ALL my readers. Whether you’ve known me since August, or followed me today, you’ve made this all possible.

Rules For The Mystery Bloggers Award is:

 

  1. Post the award logo/image on your blog
  2. Thank whoever nominated you and give a link to their blog.
  3. Mention the creator of the award and give a link as well.
  4. Nominate 10–20 deserving bloggers and notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
  5. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; including one weird or funny question.

The rules for the Versatile Blogger Award state that you thank the blogger that nominated you, nominate 10 other bloggers (and a link to their blog) and list 7 interesting facts about yourself.

Firstly, lets answer the questions from Just Me

1.  Name one thing that you do that always feels right, no matter what.

In the words of Edgar Allen Poe, “With me poetry has not been a purpose, but a passion”

2.  
Where do you draw the most inspiration for your blog?

Life on the spectrum, depression, Fall Out Boy, and girls
3.  
Who is your favorite anti-hero and why?

Batman without a question. As an aspie, I really relate to his ability to do work from the shadows and be extremely focused and to the point.
4.  What is the inspiration behind the name of your blog?

It’s the summation of what you might call my writing. Nothing fancy here.
5.  And, finally, what is your favorite genre of music?

I really don’t have a favorite genre. I have favorite artists, but my tastes vary too much to like one specific genre. If I had to choose, it would be rock because of FOB. But I also admire Lecrae (rap), Lady Gaga (dance-pop), and Demi Lovato (pop rock).

 

Now, seven interesting facts about me..

  1. The longest I’ve had a friend is four months.
  2. I’ve drowned two smartphones
  3. Live in Baltimore. Never had a crabcake.
  4. Took voice lessons when I was eleven
  5. Mandy Kay is my favorite model
  6. I pulled out two teeth once because it was fun
  7. Blonde girls are my type

My five questions for my nominees

  1. Favorite country?
  2. Stranded on an island and you can only have one thing, what is it?
  3. Beyoncé or Rihanna?
  4. How do you eat French fries: ketchup on top, or on the side?
  5. Name one guilty pleasure

And, for the nominations…(to save time, the nominees are for each award)

https://theconfusedsoulsree.wordpress.com/

https://randomsbyarandom.wordpress.com/

https://chaosxdblog.wordpress.com/

https://missalexiskamille.wordpress.com/

http://www.anxietydepressionandme.com/

https://teaandtales1.wordpress.com/

https://manumausam.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

 

 

Blogger Recognition Award: Thanks For Choosing Me Over Everyone So Much Cooler

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For the third time in less than a year, I’ve been nominated for the Blogger Recognition Award.

This time? By my friend over at Cocoons Are Sometimes Comfy. https://cocoonsaresometimescomfy.wordpress.com/2017/05/15/blogger-recognition-award-when-being-recognized-is-nice/ One of my favorites on WordPress, I’ve grown close to the words to this poet’s fantastic words and similarities regarding life on the autism spectrum. The stories are sometimes eerily similar to what I’ve gone through, and the resounding strength that speaks far after I close the page is rarely outdone. Thank you friend, you’re the real MVP (or however they say it on social media)

Anyway, the rules:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  2. Write a post to show your award.
  3. Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  5. Select 15 other bloggers for this award.
  6. Comment on each blog to let them know you’ve nominated them and a link to the post you created.

My blog started back in late August of last year.  I had known about my aspergers for four years but had done little to do anything about it. WordPress has always been addictive to me, but this was different. And better. Blogging gave my voice some wheels, and the knowledge I gained from books (and soon other bloggers, like my sweet soul sister’s Laina, Beth, and more recently the wonderful voice behind Just Me) began to steer my life into the direction I never thought it would. I started opening up, and sharing my experiences (https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/2016/11/07/an-aspergians-confession-part-one/), being honest about the struggles my condition gave me (https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/2017/01/18/an-aspergians-chemical-romance/?wref=tp), and really just discovering my voice as (from what I’ve been told) a pretty damn good poet. Thanks to so many wonderful voices, I’ve learned more about myself, become a better person because of it, and in turn been able to shine light for others who were just like I was just a few years ago.

Two pieces of advice for you new bloggers. One, just post. Pressing “publish” is the hardest part, but once you do it, the momentum will carry you to wherever you want to go. Don’t make yourself do anything. Let it happen, and you will be surprised what becomes of it. Two, say thanks. There are COUNTLESS blogs, so the fact that someone took the time to read (and maybe comment/reblog) yours is very, very special. Ever since I started, I always remember to say thank you to my readers. It’s not hard to do, and doesn’t take much time. It shows you care about others.

Now, to my nominations….

https://silentfall.me/

https://femiiesther.wordpress.com/ (I will ignore her words “I  I can’t think of why so many people will like it” in reference to my favorite band)

https://solitudeinsilence.wordpress.com/

https://so352.wordpress.com/

https://unabashedautist.com/

https://secretpoetess.wordpress.com/

https://keelythecynicalrejectblog.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

 

Taking My Own Life

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I just might give up

on life

maybe get reincarnated

and allowed to make it right

everywhere I go

people seem to be laughing

and everywhere I go

the masquerade is crashing

I’m not ten anymore, I can’t hide behind my family

I’m nearly an adult, even though I don’t want to be

I don’t feel like I’m ready

I . Don’t. Feel. Ready.

I can’t make friends, my family doesn’t even like me

“he’s not much fun to be around” I heard my mom say

and brother and sister agreed

“he hears more than you think he does”

that’s also true

and it’s why I hate you

uprooted me out of my home

never gave me a chance to adjust

and threw me a few miles north

become a man I must

or risk losing all I ever had

which was just pens, notebooks,

a nearly full writing pad

just over 225 blog posts, three award winning articles

and one published in the October 2015 Edition

of Teen Ink

but they never let me think

the way I was created to

they just expect me to function

the way they do

no wonder I fail, you stupid asshole

excuse the profanity

but I just can’t take it anymore

no space to be an Aspergian

no space to be me

but underground has plenty of room

that I’m sure you can see

the tension is rising, the anger turning me raw

my mouth bleeds

from the pressure of it all

I read works of other aspies

and see how they overcome

(thanks Laina, Beth, Marisa, Keely)

(I’m sure I’m forgetting some)

but they can’t solve my pain

they can’t give me a family

that understands my name

talk behind my back, just like my Dad did

but told me he was this terrible person

and here you are, pretending to be holier than thou

I guess that makes you worse, then

all I’ve ever wanted

all I’ve truly wanted

was a family who understands me

someone who hears me

and someone who loves me

for who I am

not what they want me to be

not what their eyes can see

I am autistic, but human first

please, let me live happily

God forbid I tell them

how I feel

they’ll just shrug it off

the weirdo at it again with another squeal

so I bury it deep inside

deep inside my bones

it’s rotting my mind

stealing my time

and taking me away from home

or maybe I want it to

take me away from them

they don’t know me, they never will

I can’t be free, so to this heart

can I kill?

 

 

Aspergers Will Always Be By Our Side

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I need more routine

and less surprise

I need more notebooks

to keep track of my thoughts as time flies

I need more honesty

and less romance

I need you to shut up

and let me listen to Dance, Dance

I’ve dug trenches you’ll never see

to keep all the abuse you have given me

I write until there’s nothing left to share

and the energy used to crowd please leaves me threadbare

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by our side

I only write to you

to help you take back the time

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by your side

I only write to you

to take control of the lies

Brothers and sisters

in self-depreciation

believing the myths spun by deceivers

for many generations

unsure of where to go

with nowhere to run

the world is just too loud

so to skulls some put guns

you are the human you choose

not what the world decides you are

in a world hellbent on being on conformity

I stand on a hill from afar

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by our side

I only write to you

to help you take back the time

Oh no

I won’t go

Aspergers will always be by your side

I only write to you

to take control of the lies

Silent Wave won’t go

Cocoons are comfy won’t go

neither will Beth

or the Cynical Reject

every autistic, every aspergian

shout we won’t go

because we are what we love

not who loves us

 

 

 

Trapped In The Sex Trade

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The clock ticks

5:06 does the time read

and in gathering her thoughts for what lay ahead

her heart did bleed

body worn

pleasing the fantasies of ravenous wolves

that only prey on innocent voices

who know not how strong they are

there’s only so many holes

the human body has to offer

but pockets must be filled

at the expense of her right and will

her day started

when she was fifteen

and ten years later

she’s yet to see moonlight

because she’s in the limelight

of physique and ability

so to men and women

everything is a possibility

how brave is the dove

young mother making nest in the city

fighting both raven and sparrow

to live in prosperity

she looks in the mirror everyday

and sees her time tick away

ten years ago, she was an A student

now she takes it up the A-hole for a living

ten years ago, she was a devout Christian

now she knows everything she does is sinning

money’s only an addiction

until you start feeling the friction

of all the people and places you’ve been missin’

because they were taken all away while you were livin’

beaten black and blue

without anywhere to run to

promise her another shot at life

she’ll take anything from you

 

(The sex trade is global, and it’s real. It’s a multi-billion dollar industry, and while it’s not talked about much, it affects the lives of millions of girls, and boys. Sexual exploitation is highly profitable in a sex-crazed world that’s lost much of its moral standards, but that doesn’t make it right. These children, teenagers, and adults don’t have a voice. I mean, they do, but how many of us are Liam Neeson and can find them? You wouldn’t believe who runs a child sex ring herself: Hillary Clinton. Bet NBC, Fox, CNN, and MSNBC won’t talk about that. But she “cares” about children, and she supports “women’s rights”. Don’t watch porn, it degrades our standards and proves to these sex traders that people need more and more sex. Watch out for your kids, especially your girls. Tell them they’re beautiful, tell them they’re amazing, that way when someone else does it they won’t believe them. Be aware. The three biggest sex trafficking states in the U.S are California, Texas, and Pennsylvania. Watch documentaries, read first hand accounts. Those caught in the sex trade are the tragedy nobody is brave enough to call a tragedy, because too much money is involved.)