Far Too Much

Sometimes your seat is too warm

And you wonder when the world

Will just get off your back

And there are other days

When you seemingly face no obstacles

Everyone agrees with you

Everything goes right for you

Are you really doing everything right

Or are you ignoring the wrong

In hopes a self-centered conscious

Won’t be alerted to the blood on your hands

And the skulls beneath your feet

We hold the cord in one hand

And the throat in the other

What monsters rise up when breathed upon

Giving life to the beings within

Taking that which belongs to those without

I believe I’ve taken enough blood

I believe I’ve taken

Far too much

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Inner Struggles

I’ve been struggling to find my words

As of late

Some people have been hitting me up

And it hasn’t been kind

Maybe I hurt them, maybe I’m wrong

I’d be the first to admit I lose track of my time

Words play tricks on my mind

And I say things

That my heart knows aren’t mine

I can push it all to the back of my head

But in nights like these I’m left to dread

What are they thinking of me

What is my path, and where has it led

Sorry just doesn’t cut it, not an ounce at all

But if I don’t see where I went wrong

How can I ever right my fall

I’m failing to find you and return to the grace

We shared when I first entered your place

I wish I could make it up to you

Tell me how

Not Changed, But Different

You fill up my lines like blood in my veins

And I never want to be alone again

Making me see the colors I never know existed

I take your hands and my spirits are lifted

Sometimes I feel deathly insecure

Barely enough height to see over the storm

Then I think of everything

You’ve given me to consider

And I evolve from the hunted to the hunter

The shallow graves that mark my path

The people that leave bitter remarks

Are souls simply incomplete

I hope they will one day find their way

As I did

When you came my way

And revealed to me a light I only needed

To see once

I am not changed, but I am different

I am not new, but I am reformed

The Lights Taught To Be Dim

Fatalities mount in the hearts of the young

We watch our world burn, and we are blamed

For the heat, for the shaking, and for

All the things we can’t control

We did not ask to be born, yet we breathe

And we didn’t ask for our set of parents

Or simply, parent, because we don’t decide

When your feeble love runs out

Or when you simply choose to stop putting out

I never meant to make you go

Or be the piece that made you stay

I simply love to be myself, regardless of you

Midnight falls upon us kids

Daylight rises upon us kids

Times change and yet we never do

Watching the world from dimly lit rooms

And poorly monitored screens

We see humanity for all of the blood and gore

We see people for all of death and destiny

United to cyclical failure we seem to be

I Remember When

I remember when I was a child

When everyone was perfect

And everything was peaceful

Those days seem so long ago

And the delusions fade into distant memory

Now I see the backslidden fathers

And unjust mothersguiding gun toting child

I see lovers loving conditionally

If at all

I see people who hate just because they can

And those who terminate their existence

Because they don’t see another way

I see too much, I believe

For anyone to ever reconcile any glimmer

Of hope in humanity or help

From inside or the creators above

Sometimes I wonder

If we’re on a collision course with darkness

And then nothing will ever hurt us

Or them

Again

Fortitude and Sense

Even now as I watch the skies turn gray

And feel the thunderheads collecting

As the rain threatens to drown out the sun

All of me rests in solemn peace

Even as the people bicker and bustle

Feigning preparation for the darkness ahead

As the night draws near and reaches her knife

Underneath our virgin throats and says be still

I can only think of what is here, what is now

No storm arouses my fear

Because the greatest is that which is inside

I choose to conquer that one before any other

I board up my soul from the arrows of doubt

And marry my heart to truth and not the blood

Flawed failures try to extract from my mind

They are shallow pools of algae

And hollowed out tree stumps

Uprooted in the weakest of storms

Because the lack the fortitude to endure

And the sense to know that they can

To Be Torn

It’s never enough to just walk away

You have to cut me as you go

Bleed me as you careen down the slope

Of all the problems you let mount

On top of me, you laid your cross

Skull and bones, you made your mark

Upon my heart you chose to rot

And cast your soul into the flames of hell

At the price of you, the devil let you take me

For a ride I could not fall off or stop

I could only watch from the clouds

As the whole world seemed to melt away

Into a sea of black my eyes began to sparkle

Being the only source of light I knew

If this is love then I wanted nothing more

Then I woke up to feet sunk through the floor

I screamed but they only slammed the door

Burning anguish collecting in my core

I thought she would simply let me go

But no

My body had to be torn

Old Town Memories

Old town memories

Fail to relinquish their grip on me

Monuments of a young blood

Making his mark on a world he just discovered

Sometimes I don’t understand the need

To be patient, and peruse the corners

Of dark alleys, and darker minds

In those I wish to be reconciled unto

Wishful thinking would have me lost forever

In the amalgamation

Of past and present feelings for those

Who never cared as much for me

As I did for them

That’s been my life

Looking behind my back for yesterday

Dreaming up different responses

And imaging a completely new reality

From the one I’ve chosen to live in

Some days I think this one is better

And other times I know I could’ve made

Better choices

But in between loving and hating my mind

Is just enough stability

To want to try again

What Moves You

Pour out the words

Show me the heart

Show me what moves you to say

Or be silent

Let me be the one that makes you speak

Or be silent

What makes us run to people

Only to realize we hate them

Being close to them, our faces reflecting

Back on ourselves

We realize we hate ourselves, and the pain

Is too great to bear

Lovers and faux lovers alike wear masks

To protect the truth of their identity

Even if you have someone, you’re searching

Wondering what new there is learn of them

Or if there is anything to learn

If you don’t have someone, you search

Not only for that person but yourself as well

Determining whether it is you or fate

That keeps you from being loved

I thought I was in one group

Recently discovered I belonged to another

Now I’m sure I belong to neither

Because I don’t even know what love is

To know what it isn’t

Goodbye, and Good Riddance

The clouds coalesce on shores of blue

Thunder and lightning descend in waves

They turn grey and full of rain

Anguish and buyers remorse descend

I’m angry at myself for ever falling for you

I stutter, “but you let me”

Truthfully, I let myself

Because I’m in love with my own sins

And with you

Goodbye

And good riddance

The pain you caused was endless

But in my head, somehow it was worth it

Just to lie in your bed, just to see you wet

I forgot about my own health and heart

With thoughts of you filling every fiber of being

The mockingbirds were singing, and the crows

Found a gathering every morning on my porch

But I ignored all the signs, each and every one

The neighbors that saw you with another

The friends who read the texts to another

Sometimes I don’t believe

That people can be so cruel

And I need to nearly feel the sting of death

To realize that people don’t have the will

Or the compassion to be honest and open

Even when they’re hurting, killing

They make it feel like nobody else

So I endure, endeavor, and relent

Hoping dishonesty will keep them coming