Categories
Aspergers creative writing Poetry reflections

whispers

sinister whispers

doors slam shut

there she goes

windows turned to ice

and the wind picks up speed

I’m lost and motionless

the air is profoundly speechless

where is my comfort, my consoler

the right thing to do

is often nothing at all

though I’m left in a predicament

I usually have you to help me through

I know I didn’t trust you, and hurt

is only the tip of iceberg

lodged in our throats

I don’t want to have to start over

but I’d like to start somewhere

Categories
Aspergers creative writing Poetry reflections

every time

every time

every text, every picture

every smile hidden behind

a few hundred miles of highway road

I wonder why I nearly forgot you

and remember why I came back

it was miserable of me

to deny you because I didn’t understand

and it’s an obligation of mine

to make up for every nanosecond of lost time

we touched, we fell apart

and then we fell into each other

all over again

our closeness doesn’t always burn fever pitch

but I’m always sick when I’m not near you

hearing from you

but I’ll always feel you

love you

and cherish you while we both breathe

Categories
Aspergers creative writing Poetry reflections

clown post

Nobody’s ever talked to me

longer than a few months

so why am I surprised? did I lie?

when I said I’d rather be alone and happy

then surrounded by people and petrified

The calls have never been there, and I go

24 hours without a notification some weeks

What gives, what must be taken to make me

Imaginary?

If there was ever a moment I’d feel I’d made it

They swallowed it whole, misery just won’t

Fucking leave me alone, and I dance

Around the truth inside my mind, the lies

Thinking this will pass, someone will speak out

I can’t always keep it in, the mess I make

Only deepens the shame

Nobody’s ever asked how, only why

I’m this way, and can I get it together

Because my oddities are an insult

What would my mind have me do? BAM

It’s not hard to find a place to drown, or get hit

Just as long as I

put an end to the clown show

Categories
Aspergers creative writing Poetry reflections

clown post

Nobody’s ever talked to me

longer than a few months

so why am I surprised? did I lie?

when I said I’d rather be alone and happy

then surrounded by people and petrified

The calls have never been there, and I go

24 hours without a notification some weeks

What gives, what must be taken to make me

Imaginary?

If there was ever a moment I’d feel I’d made it

They swallowed it whole, misery just won’t

Fucking leave me alone, and I dance

Around the truth inside my mind, the lies

Thinking this will pass, someone will speak out

I can’t always keep it in, the mess I make

Only deepens the shame

Nobody’s ever asked how, only why

I’m this way, and can I get it together

Because my oddities are an insult

What would my mind have me do? BAM

It’s not hard to find a place to drown, or get hit

Just as long as I

put an end to the clown show

Categories
Aspergers creative writing Poetry reflections

lost and drunk

This is 80-proof, the one that might let me die

and sure I’m underage

But when did law ever start caring about me

A law that lets society treat the mentally ill

As second-rate punchlines in daily routines

Designating us to sectors, and a life lived

As if we’re completely sane

Maybe they’ll remember me if I did something

Wild, irreversible and cruel, children butchered

But that would only mask the reality

That I’m lost in a world that’s too busy

Unloved in a world full of fantasy

Unfettered are thoughts

unashamed of my minds

I beseech heaven for some peace

And instead of a lover they sent me rhymes

To fill my heart with joy and content

And for a few seconds ignore the bleak

While the world’s flipped on its head

I for once just may be ahead

Categories
Aspergers creative writing Poetry reflections

anyone care?

HEY

Take a listen to my barely beating heart

It’s gushing agony, while crimson memories

Stain what’s left of my skin

Scorched from heat-seeking stares

And left unseen is a dream crushed by fiends

I’ve always had stories to tell

but my head dwells on their satisfaction

Dissatisfaction, raining down on me, a Calvary

Of ambiguous negativity, paraded as console

They really just wanted to see me bleed

HEY

Guess what? It worked!

My foreplay is a wordsmith spitting

what you take in your hands, my strife

mixed with cynicism found only in the insane

Drench your eyes in it, now I’m making it rain

Don’t put the name down, just raise it up

Like the liquor in my glass, drown till you pass

Out on the correctional office steps

Does anyone care if anyone’s a wreck?

Categories
Aspergers creative writing Poetry reflections

before long

Swallow the air I’ve been told to breathe

The menacing gasps, the clouds know

I can never be free, not under sweltering sun

We’ve created a new Earth, boiling and barren

I’m not a fan, and fans few and far between

Plant too few, they uproot the truth

I’ll never stop the process, the factories churn

Reservoirs dry, Indian chiefs cry

This is the land with no regard for time

Mother Nature, or the symbolism of life

I write, but nobody listens

There’s no degree in my bio, no books

In my name, no acclaim in my days

But as long as the sky stirs warm air

Sweat drenched my pages, my age

Matters little to me

I’ll be dead before I pen another word

Categories
Aspergers creative writing Poetry reflections

lunar loneliness

What’s that sound in the back of my mind

Couldn’t be those demons playing chess

I sneeze, they bless, the knife rushing to ble..

Shit, I forgot where I was going

What’s that song in the back of my Favorites

Couldn’t be you, pictures of you undressed

She creamed, I felt distress rushing to pen…

I forgot where I was going, again and again

What’s that scar on the back of my head

Got sent to the hospital, beatdown no less

I bleed, lest I die in their memory, again

I forgot where I was going

No matter what I write, I’m always forgotten

Once the webpage closes, pleasure is gone

There’s nothing on the dark side of the moon

Just a lunar rover, wandering in silence

Doing the same thing, over and over

Kinda like me, no, just like me

Somebody comes every once in a while

To “see how I’m doing”

But then they go back to their home planet

And I’m left alone in the darkness

Guess I didn’t forget where I was going

I just never had anywhere to go to start

Categories
Aspergers creative writing Poetry reflections

was it today?

I was gonna kill myself

A year ago, today

No, was it yesterday?

Now I’m just numb, now I’m just numb

I don’t have thing to show for my time

Just rhymes floated on the web

And subtle wishes that I was dead

Girls leave me on read

How did I choose this over the lead?

I’m just numb, so numb

And there’s nothing they can do to fix me

No amount of sex would persuade me

To finally let go of my underwhelming past

I can try to wrap it up and hide away

But each failed connection is a welcome mat

For the nightmares to fuck me right back

Nobody knows me, numb

Only knows me, sun

Is just periods of delay, done

Is the deed when I’ve given, up

And away goes my soul

Hopefully into something more worthy

Categories
Aspergers creative writing Poetry reflections

hers to break

Clouded views of a man, silent

Tired I am, trying to fight it

What does it mean to write it

Bully my sadness, wayward tyrant

The rain, it is a deep sadness

And strangers think I’m curable

I love their attempts, dearly

To make me a friend in their eyes

But I am far gone, and to their surprise

I don’t seem sad, but the words bubble

And I blow them out slowly, as if life

Is just a bittersweet song that I wait

The conclusion to

Is it my choices, or simply fate

That my soul is hers to break

Sudden emotions arise within me

I want the space beside her filled

With only my stillborn heart

Let her sing me to sleep

While the stars recover

Their deeply dismayed prodigal son