Category Archives: Aspergers

Boycott Love And Embrace The Detox

wamtac

Boycott love

boycott this god damned

relationship shattering

lust fulfilling

and ironically short lived

love

just fall for a good friend

someone who understands

your sins, your hates

and your ticklish spots

a person who makes you run

deeply tiring

but equally satisfactory

a hard day’s work

plowing an open field

too caught up on the outside

cups and waist will pass away

but the beauty

or lack

on the inside

cannot be aged

shrunk

or changed with the insertion

of plastic

it’s quite fantastic what you learn

when you accept one for who they are

and not spurn them

simply because they don’t maintain a standard

or complete the one

you picture in your mind

fall for someone who isn’t attractive

and refuses to wear Hollister

on the account of being too wide

love them for their honesty

generosity

or ability to quote chapters of books

at random

what I’m trying to say is

love people for people

not the person you wish they’d be

or what they wish to be

love them for who they are

no matter where they’ve come

or where they’re going

love people

because they’re human

and guess what

you are too

boycott love

and be proud of the detox

you might just be surprised

at the new life you’ve been granted

 

Twisted Rhymes From A Twisted Mind

wamtac

Morning comes, and everyone is eager

quickly they rise out of bed

but I never want to

abused and refused by the words of those

who said they knew me best

face straddled by hips of a lonely, lovely silence

beautiful to the point of pain

writing down the words inspired by raucous love

has me going insane

I see her alone in the shower

on a quiet weekend morn

and I want do her all over again

with strength gained from heartache reborn

travel up her spine with fingers moving all the time

we both get so turned on by the games we play

on each other’s minds

tongues twisting in each other’s mouth

drowning ourselves in a sea of organized panic

swimming in depression derived so long ago

that the stench has genitals turning rancid

releasing anger pent up by years

beating, pounding

until she’s a bleeding ball of reckless waste

reduced to puddles of sweat and inches of blood

from my younger days

Oh, who am I kidding

it’s just me, no girl

she’s just made up in my mind

to pass the time

and inspire another one

of my twisted rhymes

 

 

 

Two Blogger Awards In One: Mystery and Versatile

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Thanks to Just Me (https://silentfall.blog) and  1WiseWoman (https://wisewoman2016.wordpress.com/) for nominating for the Mystery Blogger Award and Versatile Blogger Awards two weeks ago, respectively.  Just Me is already one of my favorite bloggers, thanks to her beautiful (and sometimes amazingly sexy) poetry and wonderful sense of humor, while 1WiseWoman has been a blog devoted to strength, awareness, and support of those with mental illness. As Just Me is also an aspie, I can really relate to each and am grateful for the kind words they leave on my blog. YOU LADIES ROCK.

In addition to Cocoons’ nomination for the Blogger Recognition Award, it’s been an AMAZING week for the blog, and I am too eager to use this time to once again say THANK YOU to ALL my readers. Whether you’ve known me since August, or followed me today, you’ve made this all possible.

Rules For The Mystery Bloggers Award is:

 

  1. Post the award logo/image on your blog
  2. Thank whoever nominated you and give a link to their blog.
  3. Mention the creator of the award and give a link as well.
  4. Nominate 10–20 deserving bloggers and notify your nominees by commenting on their blog.
  5. Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice; including one weird or funny question.

The rules for the Versatile Blogger Award state that you thank the blogger that nominated you, nominate 10 other bloggers (and a link to their blog) and list 7 interesting facts about yourself.

Firstly, lets answer the questions from Just Me

1.  Name one thing that you do that always feels right, no matter what.

In the words of Edgar Allen Poe, “With me poetry has not been a purpose, but a passion”

2.  
Where do you draw the most inspiration for your blog?

Life on the spectrum, depression, Fall Out Boy, and girls
3.  
Who is your favorite anti-hero and why?

Batman without a question. As an aspie, I really relate to his ability to do work from the shadows and be extremely focused and to the point.
4.  What is the inspiration behind the name of your blog?

It’s the summation of what you might call my writing. Nothing fancy here.
5.  And, finally, what is your favorite genre of music?

I really don’t have a favorite genre. I have favorite artists, but my tastes vary too much to like one specific genre. If I had to choose, it would be rock because of FOB. But I also admire Lecrae (rap), Lady Gaga (dance-pop), and Demi Lovato (pop rock).

 

Now, seven interesting facts about me..

  1. The longest I’ve had a friend is four months.
  2. I’ve drowned two smartphones
  3. Live in Baltimore. Never had a crabcake.
  4. Took voice lessons when I was eleven
  5. Mandy Kay is my favorite model
  6. I pulled out two teeth once because it was fun
  7. Blonde girls are my type

My five questions for my nominees

  1. Favorite country?
  2. Stranded on an island and you can only have one thing, what is it?
  3. Beyoncé or Rihanna?
  4. How do you eat French fries: ketchup on top, or on the side?
  5. Name one guilty pleasure

And, for the nominations…(to save time, the nominees are for each award)

https://theconfusedsoulsree.wordpress.com/

https://randomsbyarandom.wordpress.com/

https://chaosxdblog.wordpress.com/

https://missalexiskamille.wordpress.com/

http://www.anxietydepressionandme.com/

https://teaandtales1.wordpress.com/

https://manumausam.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

 

 

One More Night

WAMTAC

One more night

one more time

I don’t know what to tell you

so let me put it in a rhyme

even as a poet

there are days when I don’t know what to say

the well runs dry, clouds hasten in forgetting to rain

and my mouth hardens and cracks like clay

some nights she won’t even look my way

so I take my pillow sulking

and on the couch I lay

there are some days I write little

but never not at all

writing is my breath, my air

and without it I will surely fall

I don’t know I lived

before I began writing

maybe that’s why I wasn’t

fighting everyone I came across

because I didn’t know what to do

with the anger pent up in my head

now I love my life

and can finally talk to you

well, let’s save that for another time

I’m still a terrible conversationalist

so one more night, one more time

I hope you enjoyed my rhyme

 

The War Of Poetic Conviction

WAMTAC

Convention

waging endless war

against my unwavering condition

arrows of all kinds

and sizes

fly through the air in mass

darkening the sun as it rises

tipped with oil, tipped with fire

they rarely kill

but injure greatly

designed to cause will to waver

and crumble when the infantry

comes later

day and night the siege rains on

they cannot hold this city

but for so long

no food to re-wire my mind

no fountain to make me young again

cutting off my life support

the empty space I need to breathe

sanity drains from my mind

through an eternal sieve

even my blood turns a cold shoulder

like I’m afraid of living

the days of old

just when the night seems to end

the moon folds it’s hand

sneaking a cunning glance

at the sun and stars

as he pulls his winnings in a pile

the dawn turns towards the deceivers

eyes reddened with intense flame

with searing pain destroys the enemy

from this son comes poetic conviction

that topples the medical profession’s

worthless predictions

tone and diction, I’ve got it in my hand

to rally my soul brothers and sisters

it’s all part of my plan

The Good Doctor and Christian Wolf be damned

I’m tired of seeing us misinterpreted

given superhuman traits

just to make a cute story

our story isn’t for your entertainment

rather our struggles

cause lifelong derailment

tell them I’m coming

I’m going ham

 

Would You Rather Be The Disease Or The Cure

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Quiet room

never empty, never full

always wishing someone

or something

could find in it a use

sitting in the heat of summer

and the cool of winter

initials carved in the bed frame

remind the emptiness how much he misses her

dust collects on unattended shelves

as the shadows take off their masks

and rest in this somber place of dwelling

windows rust, and sight into the world

becomes anyone’s guess

not even the Titanic herself

compares to this tragic mess

how one can fall

from the height of life

to lows

even zombies couldn’t comprehend

caught up in a whirlwind of love, lust, life

and feigned shots at immortality

does anyone even know what’s a sin

would you rather be the cure

or the disease

doing wonders behind closed doors

or all-powerful at the expense of every living thing

don’t pretend

don’t pretend

 

What You Could Be To Me

Sitting on the edge

of a busy road

humidity climbed out the back window

a girlfriend uninvited by parents

unfortunately temporary

rain makes the sky clear

and a calming breeze

wraps around the essence

of chocolate donuts and espresso

I picked up from work

thankful for my coworkers

boss

and wonderful customers

they make my job ever more enjoyable

and while they don’t know who I am

(maybe they do)

(that’s okay too)

I’m grateful they care regardless

as dark as I’ve felt

as troubled my thoughts are

as alone I feel I am

and as behind I feel to be

some people make it worthwhile

there are people I’ll get up early for

pretend to be open and happy for

smile for

extend a hand for

and if I close enough to you

care for

there’s very few people

I feel this way for

but they’re one of them

and you might be

too

 

Blogger Recognition Award: Thanks For Choosing Me Over Everyone So Much Cooler

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For the third time in less than a year, I’ve been nominated for the Blogger Recognition Award.

This time? By my friend over at Cocoons Are Sometimes Comfy. https://cocoonsaresometimescomfy.wordpress.com/2017/05/15/blogger-recognition-award-when-being-recognized-is-nice/ One of my favorites on WordPress, I’ve grown close to the words to this poet’s fantastic words and similarities regarding life on the autism spectrum. The stories are sometimes eerily similar to what I’ve gone through, and the resounding strength that speaks far after I close the page is rarely outdone. Thank you friend, you’re the real MVP (or however they say it on social media)

Anyway, the rules:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  2. Write a post to show your award.
  3. Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  5. Select 15 other bloggers for this award.
  6. Comment on each blog to let them know you’ve nominated them and a link to the post you created.

My blog started back in late August of last year.  I had known about my aspergers for four years but had done little to do anything about it. WordPress has always been addictive to me, but this was different. And better. Blogging gave my voice some wheels, and the knowledge I gained from books (and soon other bloggers, like my sweet soul sister’s Laina, Beth, and more recently the wonderful voice behind Just Me) began to steer my life into the direction I never thought it would. I started opening up, and sharing my experiences (https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/2016/11/07/an-aspergians-confession-part-one/), being honest about the struggles my condition gave me (https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/2017/01/18/an-aspergians-chemical-romance/?wref=tp), and really just discovering my voice as (from what I’ve been told) a pretty damn good poet. Thanks to so many wonderful voices, I’ve learned more about myself, become a better person because of it, and in turn been able to shine light for others who were just like I was just a few years ago.

Two pieces of advice for you new bloggers. One, just post. Pressing “publish” is the hardest part, but once you do it, the momentum will carry you to wherever you want to go. Don’t make yourself do anything. Let it happen, and you will be surprised what becomes of it. Two, say thanks. There are COUNTLESS blogs, so the fact that someone took the time to read (and maybe comment/reblog) yours is very, very special. Ever since I started, I always remember to say thank you to my readers. It’s not hard to do, and doesn’t take much time. It shows you care about others.

Now, to my nominations….

https://silentfall.me/

https://femiiesther.wordpress.com/ (I will ignore her words “I  I can’t think of why so many people will like it” in reference to my favorite band)

https://solitudeinsilence.wordpress.com/

https://so352.wordpress.com/

https://unabashedautist.com/

https://secretpoetess.wordpress.com/

https://keelythecynicalrejectblog.wordpress.com/

 

 

 

 

I Didn’t Believe I’d Be Where I Am Today

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I didn’t believe

I would do anything that I’ve done today

I never saw, or even dreamed

that I’d be where I stand today

just a few years ago I couldn’t come out the house

in fear and angst at the outside world

just a few years ago I didn’t volunteer

and while confident in my abilities to be a published author

I never thought I’d have even a part time job

especially not in customer service

just a few years ago my whole life was porn and Madden

now I’m repaying the anger with hum of fingers on these keys

call me Darren McFadden

the anger I used to take out on my family

on strangers

on me

frustrated at the disability that I could never see

the desire but lack of strength to set this soul free

if only I could see the door trust me I’d make the key

now today I know I’m stronger than they said I’d ever be

when I put down the Clorox

and opened up my soul

to some guy living in the sky

I realized he could make me whole

He showed me that my condition

was a gift

put down the knife, put down the concrete

and mend this rift inside me

aspergers humbles me every single day

it reminds me that without him nothing will go my way

when I’m feeling down I put pen to paper and I pray

somebody please take this anxiety away

away

goes the pain

goes the regrets

go the doubters

and to everyone who saw me write nonstop

and said I was wasting my hours

this one’s for you

for the lovers

for the haters

for those who don’t know me

and those who wish they did

 

 

If I Woke Up Next To You

WAMTAC

What would I give
what would I be okay to lose
if I woke up next to you
what would happen
to the animal inside
the beast that only I knew
if I woke up next to you
my days are too long
and nights far too short
cut the umbilical cord of joy
abort the fetus of happiness
cry me a river if you will
until it drowns the world
like a bitter pill to a suicidal teen
or a ten year old girl in a short skirt
a perverts wet dream
where would these horrors sleep
and bear their marks with wretched claws on my brow
even as I write to you
they weigh upon me now
I don’t deserve these shackles
chains span distances used to astronauts
if I woke up next to you
would you even recognize me
or would you stare into eyes
tormented by today’s wedding vows
and yesterday’s make-up sex
if I woke up next to you
it would all be a dream
because I could never love you
as much I’d want to believe
I beg of you
save me now
before long, I will puncture this heart
and do it myself
when I wake up next to you