Time To Kill

Is there ever a time to kill

What ravages the mind can conquer

The bodies of millions, in time

Lines between sanctimonious cleansing

And murderous gashes are blurred

When the knife is cleaned, and the tissue

Lays naked in the alleyway

How does that soul breathe? Is it scattered

Into the winds, with disdain, dismay

In the lack of closure

The soul of the slain is silent, not mourning

Just waiting for it’s time to begin again

My Side

Starlit nights hide behind plexiglass

Windows, into my soul, these songs

Soil, where I cultivate the words

Springing to life, there’s color in my world

Blackened with trauma that I

Wish to ignore with every breath and bone

I don’t want silence, this sickness

To become my forever home, but where

Can I go to recover, reclaim what’s lost

Misunderstood reasons leave empty hands

This isn’t new, but as the days drag on

Something’s come to the forefront

The firing line is deadly, but so is the grave

When my tombstone is carved, what will

Be upon the stone, what does it matter

Should I ever find someone to be at peace

It’s not jealously, it’s knowing that time

Will no longer support my desires

Woman will not cease to exist, but my cup

Once drained, can never be replenished

I fight dreams, nightmares, and time

Day after day, nights turn to marathon

Tears

Is there anyone on my side?

Not Anymore

Another day planned, another meet

Fallen through, mortars through the steel

of a car-crashed heart

Already lost, the fireworks blind me

I know the truth, I feel it burning

My bones accept we are nothing to you

Nothing to anyone, really

I guess this is why I never made friends

They’d just forget me anyway, and look

What’s happened

Just that

I’m left

Asking what could’ve been, what should be

I’ll always be a black hole for you

To see through

There’s no light in me anymore

Or strength

I’ve turned deserts into seas

I can’t cry anymore

The Butterfly

The butterfly exudes passion

From wing to wing

Escorting plenty, from wind to wind

Petal to petal, in radiating fashion

Though small and light, once numerous

Can dim the light of the sun

There is bounty in her steps

Mighty deeds lightly tread on my windowsill

Be careful not to stumble, and be still

I aim to be the butterfly, weightless

On my wings yet are monumental actions

My card in the circle of life is played daily

Reused by all, replenished by all

Overlooked by the brainwashed masses

Appreciated by the heart of a child

Not stirred by politics and greed

Annual income or title

Remnants

What’s left for us to achieve

When everything is given

What glory is ours to attain

If the titles have already been rationed

Sometimes, I find these words a challenge

No issue with vocabulary or melody

Instead, the question we all ask

Hating the answer, understanding eternal truth

Who will ever listen to me

I throw down my pen, words incorrect

Jumbled, stumbling over waterfall tears

There’s no place for me, none for me here

I leave so many lines unfinished

Their silence does it

For me

Versions of The Truth

Stalled

Stopped

Sighing

Crying

I’ve become a slave to a version of me

That isn’t me

That is me

Because my head creates it

Because the heart wants it

But my spirit doesn’t accept it

So do I reject this database, is it a virus

What is my Norton?

Shaking

Saving

The emotions I feel

The anger I wield

This isn’t me

This is me?

I Felt Like Dancing

Drugs in my veins, I am not ashamed

I’m smiling today, did I get high this morning?

Lost in trance, I felt like dancing

Not yesterday, probably not tomorrow

But, today

Today I felt like breathing

No panic-induced headaches

Or stuttered thoughts in an urgent rage

I could read each sentence properly

Without ever having to turn back a page

Today

I spoke with clarity, and sincerely

Wondered where this happiness has been

It may not last, but that’s okay

I got to experience some normality today

Relaxed and poised, commanding

The noise, I canceled my subscription

Now, listen, I might regress

And she won’t be there to catch me

She listens to my problems (why?)

But she doesn’t hear how much I love her

Only hearing me walk the line

Then erase it

Balance

Best friend

Synonym for psychiatrist

Lending me, free, and with courtesy

Thoughts that stop my day

And riddles that keep me from sleep

Till I find the imbalance

Sources of eternal springs that bring

Balance

Best friend

On the scales that I steer in my soul

She’s always on my mind

The thunder crashes all around me

But she steadies my ship with her smile

And I grab her hip, kiss her on the lips

There’s nothing more grounding

Than the resounding love

Of someone I’ve waited so long

To finally know and cherish

“Wrong With Me”

I was trapped underneath the weight

Of a childhood always blind to break

I couldn’t read people, they hated how I

Never responded to them, ignored advances

I would just stare, stare, stare, god damn him

He won’t make it, break it, can’t even fake it

A smile, a meager sign that I’m alive?

There was nobody that could help me, none

I looked far and wide underneath the sun

Summers spent hiding at home, I was sick

I was injured, but on the inside, not out

My leg wasn’t broken, my heart was wrecked

I couldn’t bare the weight of unread texts

Teenage angst ran wild in my unchecked mind

Walking streets deep at night, hoping I’d find

A trace of life, a trace of love

There was nobody that could help me, but one

I spent so much time looking outside for truth

That the real root of my revival lay inside me

One day, one moment, and my life changed

It’s not as if I stopped caring what they thought

It’s that I started caring about what I thought

I started caring that when I woke up in tears

Something was wrong with me

When I felt the need to hurt myself

Because I felt that if I did, they wouldn’t

Something was wrong with me

I realized that when it hurt inside talking

It’s okay to hurt, it’s okay to be in pain

Cause I learned my limits, I witnessed

What it meant to be broken down

I realized that all the self harm in the world

Would never make me popular, attractive

And all the things everyone else was

I realized that all the tears were empty

All the broken bottles, witless

In the fight to make me loved, and though

I am

I am not by them

And that hurt, that it still hurts

Shows I have grown up

Yet have more to do

Atlantis

Deep, dark pits

Black as my soul, pour oil over my raging fire

I’m so sick of crying and bleeding, I tire

Of wishing for their love, I reject my own

I watched the busy world go by, windows

Cracked, broken, shattered reflections

Not of a productive world, but soul in slumber

The burning tore me asunder, ask me to speak

Brought rivers of pain from places I knew not

Yet felt were always there, why was I so sad?

Why was I so sad? I couldn’t get out of bed

Without crying, without begging to be free

Just for a moment from the pain, the pressure

To fit in, to be just like them

To win, that’s what they call it, yeah

If I ever needed a drug, I had my own

All I needed was to wake up, and I’d be high

On all the things I couldn’t do, the things

I should be able to, according to them

I was Atlantis, something wanting to be found

Yet requiring too much commitment

Forgotten, and equally unresponsive

I’m sorry if I never answered your calls

I can hardly hear over the ocean, the wind

At my back as I walk along the wharf

In my dreams I hear them calling for me

Telling me if I don’t step over, they’ll love me

But I don’t, and I do

Because I know they never will