I Will

Glowing shadows piqued interest

To no avail were we satisfied

We’re another vessel, this is just another war

You are nothing more

Than history’s measuring stick

Stretching from footprints in mud

That we still don’t comprehend

To a race of people no longer in chains

But hardly free from a system whose revisions

Stiffened the load, tightened the noose

But of course, all of mankind made to slave

I loose count of those fearful of truth

Notwithstanding parents don’t teach youth

Blowback and fatback taught us pleasure

Gavels and graves taught us pain

My pregnant girl standing on our porch

She taught me patience

I can write poems all the live long day

(Believe me, I will)

But in sky, that’s the endgame, and how

Can we defend our future

From an uncertain past

Will we trudge on in solemn anarchy

Or join hands and breathe together

Together at last?

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Fitting The Bill

Handwritten

Some handwritten poems…

Slowly

I’m losing me.

My family.

My friend.

My heart doesn’t beat so fast anymore.

It beats slower and slower, till one night

I felt like dying. I am dying. I thought, I hoped.

Everything’s a blur, now. Everything’s spotty.

Memory. Finances. Relationships. Mood.

Blinding headaches blur the little vision I have.

The tearing up inside that I can’t let outside.

I forgot. I’ve got Aspergers. I’m trying to hide.

Cause who’s gonna believe my story? See me?

For someone not awkward. Not special.

Just especially ticked off when plans fail.

Because I hate planning for the unseen.

There’s so much my anxiety won’t let me.

And the world wants me to remain in the dark.

So sick of being left out, of being forgotten.

Sick of everyone pretending they know me.

There’s anger, and then there’s what I feel.

Gnawing pressure that demands release.

Burning sensations traveling up tired muscles.

Broken trust, a heart that’s rusted, and a head

That’s too far ahead for its own good.

Timekeeper

We call on it to save us

Help us forget the wrong choices

Silenced voices

Fretting over the loss of imaginary moments

Charted by notches on our wrists

Crisp suits, fresh ties, and a golden ring

Makes us feel so fine

But nobody asks when the winds come

And the storms blow our dreams

Into the next state, what do you own

Is your estate merely on earth

Or locked away in a soul with no bounds

Free me from the sickness of gravity

And this nightmare I’ve described

Time

Give me something to think about

Other than the time I spend thinking

About how much time I’ve spent dying

The blood I’ve spilled, innocents I’ve killed

The dead I’ve willed to never rise again

Because I forgot to remember their sacrifice

So our ancestors forever die twice

Once, for them, and again, for us

For as long as we’re looking down

Can we ever see what’s truly above

And the love we seek is easily ignored

When you cannot comprehend who you are

What is joy really for

!ME!

Constant stares force my gaze downward

Yesterday’s scars, why won’t you heal?

The skin is tender, the memory, bright

I fear whenever the sun decides to fail

There will be another sleepless night

One tells me it’s normal, another says

I should see a therapist and confess

My past demands sacrifices I cannot give

Because I am not fit to die for this world

Hardly heard, so I’m hereafter never a hero

I can say so much, but only so loud

Overrun in a world run by packs of wolves

If I could submit to the wave, should I?

There’s fragments of my surroundings

Challenging me, inviting me to Anger

Incensed at the assumption I only care about

Me

Man

A kneeling king is not a defeated one. A crying man may very well be broken, but he is not shattered. His world may be ashes, but as long as there is breath in his body, his hands are left free to take what’s been taken. With thought he molds a world that is better than the first. When thought prevails over emotion, love wins. It is not blind, and while it is beautiful, life is not beautiful because it lasts. Before I watched you turn to dust, I’d lay my head in your arms. Tell you about the stars, the sky. The darkness, the endgame. It’s up there, it’s out there. And I have to do everything to keep you. Because if I don’t have you, what do I have to fight for?

Somewhere

Someone, somewhere, loves you. Mountains obscure failing eyes. Seas in deadly tempests render screams meaningless. Vultures seek to pounce on our tired, aching bodies. Deserts strand us, and dust storms leave us lost in a swirling graveyard. Yet amidst the demonic slaughter, I can hear your heartbeat. Troubled thoughts and trembling eyes cannot shut me out from you, and I can find you. I will find you.

I love you. We don’t understand each other all the time. Maybe we’re not supposed to. Maybe these rough patches are a reminder that, surprise, we’re both human. But, even in the chaos. The murder. The mysteries. The pain. The broken hearts. We can still rustle up next to each other and listen. Listen to our souls. And be reminded that the sun will come out tomorrow.

Provoked

Eyes roll at the slightest provocation

Because I can’t control every nerve

And holy shit, they start flaring

When I’m near you, around you

In the same time zone, as you

But not because of anything you did to me

Because of everything I did to you

It’s a shame far past guilt

And a pain far past shame

It’s the maggoty feeling in your heart

Knowing she did everything to care

But you let your insecurity run her aground

It’s the sickening sense of helplessness

Knowing she liked you, wanted you

But you stood there, gawking and forever still

It’s the murderous anointing of Satan

To be loved and liked and never know it

Because you can’t tell if someone’s interested

I’ll always want what I can never have

Not because I have no arms or legs

But I am disabled

From connecting

To you

For all of eternity

Thoughtful

There’s persistence in my thoughts

Spinning cyclical stories rising into the sky

Until I’m king of the clouds in my imagination

Because that’s the only place appreciative

Tears and toiling facial muscles are my slaves

Passive aggressive slander keeps me spoiled

I’m just too tender to make it in the world

So I burn myself to keep it out of my head

Black skin grows harder where it’s afraid

I just might test my strength again

I’m somewhat cynical, although intentional

I want to love ya but you think I’m weird

Broken? Absolutely. That’s how the light

Gets in

Terrified? Shit, have you seen my wires?

I’m jacked up there, down there, everywhere

So my words don’t flow right all the time

And I speak too fast cause I got a lot to say

What I’m getting at is that I want to grow

Recover

And do it…with you

Because I know you can change me

And maybe I can show that I’m not too lost