Never Mine To Replace

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winds rebel

against the shadow of mine

as I stand facing the tsunami

coming in my face

I don’t blink or quiver

against the plague of memory

eroding little precious time

I gave my soul to her

and in my slavery became a sinner

the waters rise above my head

and swallowing hard

I gave my heart

so I would weigh less and float

among her waves

chastising me with dreams

and abusing a blink

I was shrouded in misery

and unable to think

in the palm of her sticky hands

forever between her legs

I was my own worst enemy

and her greatest slave

tormented to love the dark

pleading for my life

I bowed under her knife

why did I love her again

screaming agony

the bitter core of her luscious apple

too quick to taste

and I feel a pang of shame

because the spirit I let her steal

was never mine to replace

 

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Entangled Orbits

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swimming in an eternal sea

spilling out the contents

of a black and blue me

this kid isn’t alright

and frankly never was

head in a closet

hands on a molotov

I was always desperate for pain

the burn made me forget

why I was left aside

the fire was in my eyes

and left on my back

the belt buckle took a toll

I wanted her black, I wanted her broken

because I was

I wanted her filthy, I wanted her ashamed

because I am

entangled orbits don’t care about face

just gravity

and I want to stay here forever

they call out to me

rattling in dripping white dens

fuck it, take me

take me away from everything that matters

and I’m still left alone

because the devil doesn’t want your soul

or your body

with your time

he has both

Some Good, Some Bad, Mostly In Between

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Hello WordPress. Coming to you in my (very awesome) Fall Out Boy Bomber Jacket (I’m not walking around with this on, it was just for this pic), I’ve been more or less tired as of late. Mentally more than physically.. the days have really started to become blurs. Maybe it’s just the season, just the cold, but it’s a mildly oppressing moshpit of activities. Thanksgiving Week will be weird since Mary’s Gourmet be open Tuesday and Wednesday, which are days I usually spend reading and writing at home or at a park/coffee shop somewhere. Anyway. I’m an aspie holding a customer service job for nine months. Kinda crazy, but it’s humbling and a reminder of how far I’ve come. Customers are always telling me I’m such a wonderful presence, and that I’m always fast of my feet and finding solutions. Heh. Guess I blend in better than I thought I could. Or the gluten free diet is working. I haven’t been exactly GF though. I did order a gluten free pie from one of my favorite vendors at our farmers market for thanksgiving, so #Progress.

Registering for college next year. Now that my dad isn’t around to fuck up, I can actually get the school my tax information. Can’t believe he cost me a year, and way too much embarrassment. Haven’t really done anything school-related, which has allowed me to write a ton. Also, reading. I read Catcher In The Rye over the summer (hated it), but it was nice to have so much free time. It feels good to be writing, but not poetry. Been feeling down lately. Mostly upset with the lack of response from publishers about my book.  Blog views are down. Also having a hard time integrating at my Teen Arts Council. I was there last year but this year I can’t get there on time (work), so I miss about half a meeting. I felt like this year would be better, but I actually feel worse. I just can’t make friends. And none of the girls are interested in me. (Asks someone why). They’re gay. That’s news. I’m not upset, but it does explain the…I dunno how to put it. 

Been published twice in the last couple months on SpillWords….

http://spillwords.com/failure-for-all-to-see/

http://spillwords.com/dear-her/

Here’s my interview with https://mademoisellewomen.com

https://mademoisellewomen.com/2017/11/12/blogging-for-business-with-devereaux-fraizer-of-maryland-poet-blog/

You Were Meant To Know The Night Writing Prompt 

https://braveandrecklessblog.com/2017/10/13/you-were-meant-to-know-the-night-writing-prompt-challenge-devereaux-frazier/

Letting Go for https://tanyatale.wordpress.com

https://tanyatale.wordpress.com/2017/10/27/poetry-with-devereaux-frazier-letting-go/

My Poetry Is

 

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My poetry

is long awaited sunset

on a lover’s winter night

My poetry

is a flashlight on the entrails

of the horror film called Life

My poetry

is a camera

on the heart of Titanic

Beautiful

but tormented

Acclaimed

and cursed

My poetry

is an anchor

and a mast

a tsunami

and a covenant

conviction

from the conflicted

moaning

behind near perfect diction

My poetry

is the other side of the railway tracks

The backside

catching all the jack

Telling my truth

emasculates me

to that of a bee

giving little

but losing all

so you might avoid

where I’ve stumbled

and crawled

My poetry may be autistic

from hands suddenly active

but the lips are rigid

and mind narrow

My poetry may be saddening

inspirational

or nothing to you at all

but it’s my lifeline

brink

brink

breaking

that’s my heart aching

and another poem

that needs your saving

 

 

 

What If I Told You

 

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What if I told you

I wasn’t alone

and I had been lying

to you like her

I like you

(I adore you)

You’re a good person

(You’re my everything)

I think I’ll see you soon

(I love you already)

The darkness peels back

as the fabrics fall off

silky skin

Clothing lies in a trail

of tears in wonder

at the perfection

of delicate sin

Naked ambition

in a provocative rendition

of Leonardo’s Mona Lisa

Perfect woman

meets searching eyes

is there one inch

that doesn’t incite delight

Staring into crystal balls

falling back into the black

as we reach the pinnacle

of this devious waltz

Bodies tangled

reaching the fantasy of gravity

and the peak of agony

as quickly as she comes

we go our separate ways

the lights come on

and I’m jolted awake in pain

because what if I also

told you it was a dream

and I fell asleep alone

like every other night

Raindrops Aren’t Racist

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Raindrops

aren’t racist

They don’t care if you’re

poor

and hungry

or rich

and carefree

What does it matter

to them

if your nose is wide

or if you’re olive skinned

with straight, black hair

the rain is for all

to nourish all

to replenish all

that we call life

no politics, no rights

just love, earth

and a simple price to pay

the breath

that’s already been given

to enjoy it on this

and every day

Life I Don’t Deserve

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droplets stain the screen

and I write your name

in nature’s braille

the cold kiss on my forehead

silences my head

calming the inner storm

not too distant from the outside

the patter on plastic

is the footstep to your door

memories slip through the trees

carried by brisk fall winds

the darkness may frighten

but I am emboldened at what I don’t know

a moon-less night may tempt

but in you, I have already made my fall

for I cannot marry

but I will love

I cannot commit

and my heart will be undone

at the slightest inclination

of withdrawal

or the injury I suffer

when I force your call

throwing myself into nature

as if she will rapture me already

because I don’t deserve

another shot at this life

Breaking Up, Falling Down

broken

breaking up

falling down

glass is shattering

as I fall so loud

the wind tears holes

in a broken back

I crash onto an island

of my own desperation

burn the ship

and cast away my flag

I’m worse off without you

floating in a sea

of my creation

but better because of you

finally able

to create my own elation

the sun shines colder

and the moon stays longer

without you

but I finally feel on my way

so goodbye

and thank you

to the tremor

on my faults

the AK

to my Columbine

and the lone bullet

in a death game of the ages

I Wasn’t Alone (It Was An Aspie Dream)

broken

What if I told you

I wasn’t alone

and I had been lying

to you like her

I like you

(I adore you)

You’re a good person

(You’re my everything)

I think I’ll see you soon

(I love you already)

The darkness peels back

as the fabrics fall off

silky skin

Clothing lies in a trail

of tears in wonder

at the perfection

of delicate sin

Naked ambition

in a provocative rendition

of Leonardo’s Mona Lisa

Perfect woman

meets searching eyes

is there one inch

that doesn’t incite delight

Staring into crystal balls

falling back into the black

as we reach the pinnacle

of this devious waltz

Bodies tangled

reaching the fantasy of gravity

and the peak of agony

as quickly as she comes

we go our separate ways

the lights come on

and I’m jolted awake in pain

because what if I also

told you it was a dream

and I fell asleep alone

like every other night

 

 

The Song Of The Insane (Autistic Rage)

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into darkness

go these words of pain

fisting violently in rage

hoping never to feel them again

stirring autism with experience

and sorrowful delirious

mixing meddling memories

ladled over morose mutations

of the being they called me

I have my cake

but I never eat it

just beat it

gluten makes me nauseous

and anxious to do you harm

flippant and fucking annoyed

with you so I disarm

my bombs of cunning wordplay

and tanks of political prowess

to leave you stripped of flesh

in the wake of my nuclear fallout

I am a fall out boy

no longer wishing you well

but waiting for hell

to tell me I’ve returned

I live life free from enemy lines

but I still burn

you expect, I accept

and then nonchalantly redirect

ignorance and vanity

will never supercede my finality

I quake not in fear

but in here, I am near

the darkness

and these songs of the insane