Autistic Trips Vol.8-Before I Die

Introverted synapses sigh at the outside

Blunted stories, distorted parables of broken

Discourage from saying anything about me

How long before they distort and destroy

My soul is strong but my emotions weak

We’ve forgotten the thoughtful and kind

Lusting after the players rapping the dream

The mindless chatter wants to take my mind

21 but can’t remember what I’ve done

With half that time, I hated everyone

And the other, I hated myself

So where is there space for recovery?

I thought it came with breath

But I was so depressed I wanted it taken

I thought it came with her shudder and moan

But she eventually has to go home

I thought it came with poems and praise

but those die with the beholders eyes

I thought it came with liquors sharp ring

But the bottle dries

My love for the aching nervousness

Began to deteriorate my little well of strength spinal cord growing heavy, chainmail to you

But I was not protected, just dragging pain

I lay my head to sleep, but I’ve never had rest

Sagging chest, heart full of the things I say

Not to you, but in my head, it’s the one place

To escape when I start bleeding again

Not blood, just emotion, the weight

Of watching myself sink into convulsions

The act of disappearing in the eyes of all

And saying I’m okay, now that’s devotion

To a cause? To a calamity?

This life is sweet and sour, angel and devil

Her and I, twisting in this sadistic bed of lies

Someone get me just before I die

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