Slowly

I’m losing me.

My family.

My friend.

My heart doesn’t beat so fast anymore.

It beats slower and slower, till one night

I felt like dying. I am dying. I thought, I hoped.

Everything’s a blur, now. Everything’s spotty.

Memory. Finances. Relationships. Mood.

Blinding headaches blur the little vision I have.

The tearing up inside that I can’t let outside.

I forgot. I’ve got Aspergers. I’m trying to hide.

Cause who’s gonna believe my story? See me?

For someone not awkward. Not special.

Just especially ticked off when plans fail.

Because I hate planning for the unseen.

There’s so much my anxiety won’t let me.

And the world wants me to remain in the dark.

So sick of being left out, of being forgotten.

Sick of everyone pretending they know me.

There’s anger, and then there’s what I feel.

Gnawing pressure that demands release.

Burning sensations traveling up tired muscles.

Broken trust, a heart that’s rusted, and a head

That’s too far ahead for its own good.

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7 thoughts on “Slowly

  1. Awwww…. D. This is so sad to me. I feel like I’ve felt this way a million different times in my life and it never gets any easier. I hope you’re doing better. Take care… xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I was in one of those funks for the longest time and I ended up deleting all of my social media accounts because I just didn’t feel like being very social anymore. Sometimes I pull away and just seek inner solace because I don’t know how else to cope. But I’m doing better now and overcoming some of the problems I was dealing with. I’m leaving today for a two week vacation, so it’ll be nice to get away. I hope you get out of your funk soon. If you ever need to get a hold of me D, you can always email me. Just click on my gravatar. My email is listed there. Take care, and please don’t let the world get you down. You got this! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. i Do relate A most
    Difficult Gift
    And Curse of
    Asperger’s
    Is one
    Must Speak
    THeir Truth
    Even
    If it
    Silences
    All One Loves
    How many
    Have
    Risen
    And
    Fallen
    And Rise
    Again
    From this
    Condition
    Both Richly
    Given And
    Poorly Received…

    Liked by 1 person

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