Pretending/Missing/When I Was Young

You know

when I was young

I wanted to play football

be a star quarterback

or whatever position I’d excel at

I was kid, and I didn’t care

but then I started ignoring teachers

and my parents

I started hating my siblings

and basically, life itself

I started questioning that book, the Bible

and faith itself

I started wondering if drug dealers were so bad

you’ve gotta make money somehow

somehow, something clicked in me

made me question

made me wonder

and guess what, I’m back there again

why am I autistic

seriously

why

does somebody not want me to….

silenced

quieted by my own mind

it’s just not time

so I’ll go back to pretending I’m happy

pretending I’m okay

just blogging away

yeah, I’m okay

I’ll say it enough till I’m blue in the face

yeah, I’m okay

I’ll keep procrastinating

I’ll keep missing out on people

I’ll keep getting outdone by my family

and maybe somebody will realize what a waste I’ve been

just end it all already

because I’m not happy

because I’m not okay

because I have dreams

but they never come true