I Should Be Dead, Shouldn’t I?

 

I can’t go any longer

raw from the memories

I force myself to replay

the blood on the sheets

I tried to make myself believe

they weren’t real

no, not digging inside me

maggots from hell stirring inside my brain

scars lasted with the pain

but the essence follows me

into the present day

the scorn, the punishments

they weren’t real

no, not my stomach bleeding out

lies to professionals casts miserable doubt

it was my heart I thought I cared about

but my soul was left crushed

and then everyone found out

the desire, the sin

she’s not real

no, not the way she gives me her everything

and places firm kisses on my lips

asking me never to leave

willingly I submit to her release

because with her I’m free

I believe

I couldn’t any longer

I believed

I wasn’t worthy of love

I dream

of burning in hell for my sins

and maybe I will

maybe I won’t

only now does the journey

truly begin