Sometime Long Ago

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sometime long ago

when the house was always hot

and I’d stare out the windows 

to taste the tip of a glorious breeze

or when the winter snows came

and I’d bury my head underneath comforters

and watch Jamaal Charles highlight videos

sometime long ago

when I was skinny, reckless, and angry

and I’d stare at the plaster pour

from the walls I’d beat senseless

until I was sure they felt as much pain as I

or when I had ignored my anxious tendencies

and my parents scolded me for something I couldn’t control

when I cried until my nose ran red

and I was sure I had a pussy instead of a penis

sometime long ago

when I refused to go out

I’d miss god, family, and the restoration of Jerusalem

if it meant I didn’t have to show my face

mu ugly, zitty, scar-ridden face

or when people would talk to me

and I’d just look away

hoping, praying, that if I ignored them enough

they would go away

sometime long ago

when I didn’t know who you were

and I’d spend my nights looking at women

I never should have known

I was like, six, and I just didn’t know

it’s okay to look at pretty women, right world?

I’m 18 and now I see

the pain of my past will always live with me

watching my father leave

friends leave

my world is always collapsing

 

now I realize

that sometime long ago

can be just that

if you close your eyes

let the scars burn

the blood dissolve

eventually the cocoon falls off

and what’s left is the most beautiful

butterfly anyone’s ever saw

 

 

 

 

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