An Overloaded Aspie Mind Needs A Break

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Well WordPress, this is my first post to you as an adult.

Feels surreal. But also still feels like me. I didn’t change bodies, just a number. A number that entails responsibilities and consequences I didn’t have before.

With work taking much of my time, and preparing for college in fall, I have been feeling very numb as of late. I haven’t been feeling much of anything. Happiness or sadness, anger or frustration. It’s a bad place to be when you’re just…floating. I guess all the customers have gotten to me, and I didn’t notice. Or this is just my subconscious trying to save me before I have a meltdown. Maybe neither. Maybe both.

I’m still writing. More than ever actually. Words are coming from places I didn’t even know were inside me. I haven’t posted anything onto here of these pieces because I’m saving them…I’m hoping to take this blog, and you (obviously, as my reader) a little deeper into how my mind really works…what I see, think, and interpret this world to be. I’m still sending my poetry collection out to publishers, and there hasn’t been any real success with that other than the usual  “thank you for your submission but we’ve decided to look elsewhere” responses. I’m not deterred. I know I need to keep writing.

I like the work I’ve produced over the summer, and in time you’ll get to enjoy it as well, but for now I need to take a break. When you become disconnected with your heart and soul, as I have lately, you start to lose other things too. Working and being constantly around people has forced me to become distant to my feelings, because with them I’m emotional and reckless, with good intent, but as every aspergian knows they show us for who we are, and many don’t like that kind of person. The mask has been on, and will stay on, but I need to replenish the supply.

I don’t really have a timetable on when I’ll be back.

I leave you with the hottest woman from Suicide Squad (Harley truthers bite me)

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and some of my birthday twins

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Tomorrow’s My Birthday….Just Another Day?

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(Thanks to the lovely Lisa Troedson for the Entertainment Blogger Award nomination. I’ll have to publish a separate post for that.)

Assuming nothing happens to me between now and tomorrow morning…

I’LL BE EIGHTEEN

(claps, dabs, whips, drops, and does all the other dances at once)

I should be excited, right? I’ll officially an adult, which will bring a lot of opportunities, like being legally able drive a car. There will be more job opportunities. It reminds me how close college is, and reading away the summer will soon come to an unfortunate end. Along with the Madden and Call of Duty.

(Okay. Maybe not the Madden. Maybe)

Tomorrow is, honestly, sobering. For a lot of reasons.

One, it’s an opportunity to be grateful for another day. There are countless souls who weren’t blessed to see this morning, and many more won’t wake up tomorrow either. All I can think of right now are those millions of aborted children. Why? Because I’ve done so much wrong, and they did nothing, yet are unable to truly see the light of life. Making the most of the time I have is the best way to show how much I support them.

Two, it’s a pillar (of the many) in my personal quest for defiance. honestly, if you had asked me if I’d make it to 18 a few years ago, I would’ve said no. I was depressed. I was on edge. I could barely process a few minutes, never mind looking years in advance. But it’s not just about the number, but what I’ve done with them.

I always thought myself a weirdo, so when I learned I had Aspergers Syndrome, I wasn’t too surprised. My transformation over the last five years has been nothing short of divinely inspired, and I am always grateful to the infinity on high for ordering my life in the way it has. I don’t understand it, but I am grateful.

I wouldn’t be here without it.

Part of that order is running into you. How I turned some god (awful) poetry into what this blog is today is a proof that the writing community is loyal and faithful to those within it. The nurturing, encouragement, and support I’ve received has been endless. Everyday I’m reminded by someone of how this post was amazing, or this poem left them speechless. I hear “wonderful” a lot, too. I can’t put into words how grateful I am to you all for what you’ve done. You helped turned me into someone who isn’t afraid to talk his condition, and the shortcomings of them. You helped me face my addictions, my fears, and people I could never speak to in person.

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So, on my birthday eve, I think I did and didn’t answer my own question.

It is just another day. A reminder of not just far you’ve grown, but remembering the people that you grew with. That makes it a little extra special.

 

I work tomorrow, and I might do something fun afterwards. (Any movie recommendations?) Other than that, more reading and writing and preparing for the days ahead.

Peace out. God bless. Thank you all and I can’t wait to continue this journey.