Autism Awareness Month Post Eleven: Guys Are Supposed To Make The First Move, But What About Autistic Guys?

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In the normal world, it’s usually the guy that makes his interest in a partner known first. (At least, that’s how I was raised.) And I’m perfectly okay with that. The guy should call the girl first, and he should be the one to make arrangements for dates and the like. Feminists and New Agers can argue with me if they like, but (most of the time) I’ll side with the old way of doing things. There’s just one problem:

What if the man is on the spectrum?

This is a big problem for guys with Aspergers, because it’s very, very unlikely that we would ever make the first move, and that’s where the problems begin. Shy and introverted, we aren’t the conversation starters, and thanks to our rigid nature and propensity, fall off topic, and miss the big picture, we’re actually terrible conversationalists. Furthermore, while it’s not hard for us to find people that we like…

…it is hard to express it.

When there’s a girl I like, I have a very hard time. First, I have to reconcile my growing anxiety with the desire to know the girl. That’s the first hurdle many of us (including myself) have yet to overcome. I don’t feel like the potential to discover a relationship is worth the headache and internal trauma, nevermind the fact it might not work on anyway. Then, actually speaking to her. And no, I don’t mean stuttering because you’re nervous or blurting out bits of sentences. I’ve done this (probably) way too much, and it explains my current relationship status.

Finally, “normal” people like see actions and emotions that back up your claims, and as an Aspergian, I can say this is where I fall the hardest. I’m stone faced 98% of the time (the other 2% is when I’m laughing at Family Guy), I don’t make any gestures, and I don’t really talk about myself, so the girl never gets to know who she’s about to become friends with, which I’m sure pushes a lot of them away. I know I’m happy on the inside, but because I rarely show it (and not in ways people are accustom to), I seem unfriendly, and thus, no one wants to be friends.

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12 thoughts on “Autism Awareness Month Post Eleven: Guys Are Supposed To Make The First Move, But What About Autistic Guys?”

  1. Perhaps meeting someone online and getting to know them first would be an option? I wonder if there are online dating sites for those on the Spectrum, local to you? I’m sure you could be a great match for many girls not on the Spectrum, but you could start off meeting people who know how you feel (because they go through similar challenges). Could build your confidence in dating/meeting girls?

    Liked by 2 people

          1. Oh how exciting. Good luck! Even if you don’t get to physically meet someone (although I hope you find someone you like locally) it will be good to chat to girls who go through similar things. I’m pleased for you 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Extreme shyness can result in the same reaction or lack of reaction. I have known people so painfully shy they are virtual loners in the true sense of the word though they want so much to reach out. Luckily sometimes some one comes along who gets it and breaks the barrier ! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t think I have Asperger’s, but I suffer from pretty bad anxiety and find it really hard to talk to people or interact. School was hell. I quit as soon as I turned 16. I have no self esteem or confidence. I hate to love like this when I see people that seem normal, talking and laughing, and having relationships. I love Family Guy too.

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