Just Because It Was Bad Doesn’t Mean It Wasn’t Beneficial

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zerozero

 

Old songs

traverse paths so long

Long ago, seeming to be the best way

they robbed you blind

stabbed you in the heart

drank the blood

and took everything but your life away

You gotta live with more

than battle wounds

and traces of war paint

You have to live

with real wounds, too deep to relay

real holes in this breakable skin

Maybe the rape was a punishment for your sin

or maybe that’s what the therapist wanted you to believe

Stupid white jacket and fancy car

she’ll go home, pretty and happy

and plenty of money in her ceramic jar

It’s easy to show the way

from a castle on a mound

but harder when you actually live the life

and everyday is spent retreating from the battleground

Life kicks your ass

nine times out of ten

then sends out scouts

just in case you didn’t get the lesson

“Oh, you’re doing fine, just keep believing!”

Easy for you to say, it’s not your arm that’s under this knife

bleeding

People are hilarious, just comical

thinking a pill, or a diet, or exercise

will cure the ill

“People with aspergers just need more practice around people”

The fuck?

Did your clearly non-existent brain get run over

by a twenty-two ton freight truck?

You can’t practice

late night shivers or midday fears

of a birthday party

or get-together

that’s unfortunately so near

You can’t prepare

for anxiety

despite speaking politely

and wearing nice clothes

they make fun of you

because “playing the game”, you just don’t know

People who seem to have all the answers

are the furthest from the problem

and when shit hits the fan

mysteriously, you can never call them

They don’t have the balls

to live in the midst of raging, internal fear

They don’t have the guts

to swallow anxiety, and play nicely

day after day, for seventeen years

I’ve left people behind

Not because of hate, but I just don’t have the kind

of mind to hide my weakness

Be the Charming

to your Cinderella?

You’d find my social graces alarming

and in a crowd, I’m speechless

Folie et deux

you, my heart and you, my head

Every step

I dread

 

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8 thoughts on “Just Because It Was Bad Doesn’t Mean It Wasn’t Beneficial”

      1. I agree. I thought of you and some other bloggers earlier today when I saw the daily prompt was ‘translate’. I feel that you are translating what it’s like to be an Aspie through your poems. Hopefully giving people a glimpse of what you are feeling through your chosen medium.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Well said, but most neurologically typical people will miss the real import of what you were sharing. Let me parallel your point with my observation from the teaching profession.

    As an educator what has struck me is that the best teachers are those who struggled with their learning, who found it a challenge to meet the expectations that a school puts on children. Unfortunately, the students who struggled with their learning are usually not the ones that get admitted into the teacher education program. Meanwhile many teachers in the field who found school a breeze can’t empathize with students who struggle much less analyze the learning process, the alternate ways in which a child might learn a new concept or develop better proficiency in specific basic skills.

    So, don’t give up. Each time something is explained one more light goes on and a person says, “I’m beginning to understand. I couldn’t understand the challenges that my friend who has brain injury till I acquired a brain injury. That is a key reason why I keep blogging about my experiences of living with ABI.

    (LivingInGodsPocket.wordpress.com)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “It’s easy to show the way

    from a castle on a mound

    but harder when you actually live the life

    and everyday is spent retreating from the battleground”

    I love this part, it’s so incredibly true. It’s easy for a third party to come up with an ideal response to a certain set of circumstances, but it’s much more difficult for the person actually through the moment.

    Liked by 1 person

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