An Aspergian’s Chemical Romance

wamtac

No backstory, just one of the hardest poems I’ve ever written 😦

Every day

is a battle for unclaimed ground

and most times

the anguish of defeat

is the only sound heard

Every night

I try to hold on to inches

the struggle, the fight

sometimes lasts a sentence

my heartbeat

that faded away a long time ago

unresponsive to love

even a smile, I barely know

every breath is a snow day

trapped inside

poisoned lungs

a chemical romance

between fear and anxiety bred

from failed relationships

you don’t her face

you never heard her laugh

you don’t why her leaving

broke me

made me crash

I flew through twin towers

addiction with conviction

every breath lost

I gained in moments

breathing harder

I went back farther

every climax

brought her back

don’t tell me

what to do

faced with that kind

of lost love

you’d do it too

I ever had anyone

to call friend

until she pressed send

and since

the dents in this titanium heart

are more visible

than ever before

once more, I open this door

let in the rushing wind

and bitter winter air

I deserve it

yes, it’s only fair

she’ll punish me

every time I try to win her back

but she’s too far away

and I’ve fallen inside

the black

I took a chance

a dare

didn’t know

where I was going

far away from home

into an unknown

guided by

an invisible hand

I was treated to a brief stay

we came close

so close

I wished to stay by her side

to love her, call her mine

the time felt right

thought I was old enough

knew what I was doing

little did I realize, I wasn’t the one doing the choosing

we split apart

for unknown reasons

you could ask the seasons

you could ask the sky

but they won’t tell me why

I hate myself

throwing away a beautiful girl

stupid me

stupid me

I haven’t come close since

I haven’t even tried

scared to lose another

myΒ  tendencies, I can’t smother

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58 thoughts on “An Aspergian’s Chemical Romance”

  1. Is it ok to ask the artist what you meant when titling this “An Asbergian’s Chemical Romance?” Is that because the love was toxic? And the breakup was so hard? It’s one a my favorite poems that I’ve read of yours so far. Although I do like the dark ones best.
    Can I ask how old you are? You’re talents as a writer are beyond my capacity but I am not a very good writer. I found this poem enthralling and held on to every word because I could totally relate. I think everyone’s been in good relationships before that are so passionate that they come to a crashing halt.
    I read your profile and am impressed that you researched all you could about asperger’s syndrome. I have “bipolar disorder” and just found out last year about it and am still really confused about it. Once again you have inspired me to do something about trying to help myself get on track. Even though I am very high functioning I would like to be more knowledgeable of what the heck’s going on in my brain. Lol. I love kids, especially the outcasts. And would love to become a college professor one day so I can give back and help to teach them to express themselves through art and design. BTW I friended you on FB, I hope that’s ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This reminds me of my son, who has aspects of Asperger’s and his former girlfriend’s breakup. It was really hard for him to understand why it happened and he still doesn’t like to talk about it.

    Like

  3. This is beautiful, sad, honest, disheartening and heartfelt all at the same time Devereaux. My heart hurts for you. Not for pity but the loss itself. I am sorry. You have such a gift though it is absolutely amazing my friend. Use it all to your advantage and you will come closer to what you want in your reality. Love you~

    Liked by 2 people

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