An Aspergian’s Letter To Old Friends

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If you’re an old friend (or if you’re not, but identify as one), then thank you for impacting my life in the time span we knew each other. If not, then read it as you normally would…also, my posts this month have been on the melancholy side. I’m trying to change that, but when I put my pen to paper I just get sad feelings. I’m feeling better after last week’s depressed state, but nothing “happy”. Ifย ย everyone leaves something (a word, a phrase, an image, whatever) positive in the comments, I could use that and turn it into a poem. Maybe that’ll help. In the meantime…

Chest burning

memories of the past keep occurring

I loved the way you laughed

I could listen to it all night

and like a comet you dashed

leaving me surprised

we used to talk everyday

but for some reason the message box got empty

and though I had plenty

more to say

I couldn’t muster the strength to ask

if you were okay

and is it okay

to drop off without saying why

I couldn’t do that to someone else

No, I wouldn’t even try

What did I say to you

Did you know what I never knew?

You played me for a fool

and now I’m begging you

for the truth

It haunts my days, keeps me sleepless at night

wondering if I did everything right

and am I right

to keep wondering

if you’re there

when you have no interest in me

I guess life isn’t fair

and I’ll pay my fare

but I want to get my money’s worth

don’t just leave me

like I have no worth

and it hurts

to be left alone

wondering what to say

when I pick up the phone

hoping not to say

whatever sent you on your way

Don’t forget me

that’s all I ask

from you,

Past

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32 thoughts on “An Aspergian’s Letter To Old Friends”

  1. Sometimes such feelings can inspire tremendous work such as this. I just hope that you will be able to move into a much brighter place soon though.

    I offer the words ‘To shake the cobwebs of apathy’ to you if they have even the slightest chance of offering any inspiration. If not, no problem.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Devereaux, wish i could tell or say a positive note but alas i can suggest finding a smell that lifts your spirit. Orange ๐ŸŠ , grapefruit and lemon ๐Ÿ‹ always boost my step. Its those darn thoughts that bring me down. Also, last year i did a small 14×14 board of goals and words to look at to inspire. I did not achieve everything but those i did were encouraging. And sometimes depression has tentacles that grasp and cling, dont fight, but give in and see the experience as a microscope to untangle the knots. Your knowing it exists is a baby step in the battle. All the best and i hope my thoughts help, a tiny bit!! ๐Ÿ’›๐ŸŽถโœŒ๐Ÿผ

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  3. This is how I feel at the moment too. Why is it that friends never seem to stay? I’ve asked myself this question too many times in my life. Makes me want to isolate myself and not have anyone around. Here’s your positive word. “Hope” we cannot go through life without it. Once we lose hope, all is lost forever.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Feeling like you need to ‘rush’ into a ‘happy’ place is enough to begin a new downward spiral. Look for it. Let it happen. Take your time. When you are melancholy you see things in other people that otherwise might have escaped you.

    Liked by 1 person

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