My First Day of College, and A Poem About A Dirty Girl

Well, my first day of college went great! My only class today was English 101. That was from 10:10 to 11:05, and while I have to rely on public transportation I still arrived an hour early (you have to be early if you’re relying on Baltimore transit, or you’ll always be late) . I spent the hour getting familiar with the campus, and figuring out where my classes take place. As usual, I was very anxious, but by the time I got to class I was pretty comfortable.

Today, we didn’t do too much work. We got to know each other a little and we received our syllabus. There’s a nice mix of people, from new kids like myself to adults who are going back to school. I’m not sure I’m making any friends, but it’s college…do you really have to? I’m not going to make friends unless you come on to me first. That’s just my Aspergian style. (It keeps me out of trouble ALOT, so…)

Problem is, all my excitement might be useless. Since I haven’t gotten my GED, I don’t qualify for Federal Aid. And since I’ve talked a little about my Dad on this site, you already know he’s not a good guy. What I mean by all this is that he might not have the means to keep me in the course. I’d have to withdraw until Summer or Fall, which isn’t a bad thing, but I feel slightly odd about that. Now, nothing is exactly confirmed, but my future at CCBC is up in the air right now. I feel weird about the whole situation…so, to a poem I wrote

I’ve got nothing to say

that I haven’t already

but for this new journey

are you ready?

Don’t even say my name

I already know yours

and I won’t say yours

because you know mine

I want to treat you in the worse way

make you claw into my skin and scream

“You are the most horribly wonderful thing I’ve ever known”

I want you to close your emerald eyes

and not open until your forget the time

till the tears dry

till the morning light

taps up awake

and with a glance into each other’s eyes

we do it

all over again

 

Dear WordPress: I Start College Tomorrow!

Man, life comes at you fast.

Some years ago, Thomas And Friends was the only movie that mattered. Just a few years ago, Summer Camps were all the rage. And now, with a book in the works, I’ve also registered for Spring classes at the Community College of Baltimore County! I was there for nearly five hours. Getting tested was a blast. While I only scored a 49 on the math segment (meaning I have to take remedial math, UGH), I scored a 98 and 107 on the reading and English segments. I knew those would be big areas for me, and I nailed it. I even qualified for the English honors program!

Working out financial aid was a bit stressful, because my Mom unknowingly filed under the wrong year, and I have to hope the FAFSA clears soon. Other than that, I’m all set. I have my schedule that outlines class dates, times, and locations. I’ll also know my teacher’s name. Since I’m not a stones throw away, transportation might be tricky, but it’s nothing too big for me to iron out.

Aspergers and all, I hope to learn a lot and have a great time. I’ve had a lot of practice being in groups outside of my home classroom. To tell the truth, I feel extremely overwhelmed. Between paperwork, schedules, all the new faces, and never mind the incredible responsibility, my head feels two miles wide.

As far as my blogging and Twitter activity, this is where it’s going to hurt. I love being on WordPress and reading everyone’s work (be it poetry or recipes), commenting, and liking, but I just won’t have the time. I’m also finishing my GED prep, have meetings with my Teen Arts Council (and may be joining another), along with shuttling my sister to and from with my brother, mom, and dad all working. I won’t be unable to post completely, but posting every night is going to be difficult, and it’s unnecessary stress. I haven’t worked out a foolproof plan, but either three or four posts a week sounds good as of now. That number may go down (hopefully not, but, life first) but I’ll have a better feel once I start going to class and seeing how difficult the classwork is (or isn’t).

I hope to still be able to keep a good viewership, and I’ll try to reply to comments when I can. Besides, this will be one more thing to blog about!

Well, here I go…

 

Catching Up: Blogger Recognition Award (Thanks Jamie!), and Published On SpillWords

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I had a fairly low-key week. In between social events (SEE, I can do this), studying for the GED, and daily life I was nominated for two awards this week by two awesome bloggers and published on SpillWords again.

Secondly, I was nominated for the Blogger Recognition Award by my wonderful Aspie blogger friend Jamie https://aspierudegirl.wordpress.com/2017/01/24/the-blogger-recognition-award/

The Rules:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  2. Write a post to show your award.
  3. Give a brief story of how you blog started.
  4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  5. Select 15 other bloggers for this award.
  6. Comment on each blog to let them know you’ve nominated them and a link to the post you created.

How did Creative Writing Of A Marylander get started?

Well, it started back in late August of late year. Being an aspergian, I haven’t had a good time developing friendships and relationships, so I was looking for somewhere that I could be myself while also interacting with others like me. What started as something as a simple post each night blew up to what it is now: over 2,000 followers, over 120 posts, and nearly 13,000 views. I didn’t, and still don’t, do it for the numbers, though. I do it encourage other aspies to be who they are, regardless of where they are on the spectrum. I want them to know their voice is beautiful, and the more they share it, the better off the entire world is.

My advice to new bloggers:

I was just like you at one point: just another blog among the millions of blogs on WordPress. I think the most important thing to remember is to be YOU. Nobody wants to read what fifty other bloggers are doing. Come up with something unique and original, and the following will come. And even if it doesn’t, have confidence in the fact that you are doing what nobody else is. There’s power in that. Secondly, don’t leave your link in the comments of other bloggers. I see this enough to tell you it won’t get you reads, likes, or anything but a bad reputation.

My nominees: (It’s supposed to be fifteen, but I’m pressed for time a bit here)

https://amileinmyshoes.co

http://tanacitytdotcom.wordpress.com/

https://mythsofthemirror.com/

https://nursekellyknows.com/

https://msnubutterflies.wordpress.com/

https://thoughtsofsheryl.blog/

https://littlemissaspie.wordpress.com/blog/

https://sbdmb.wordpress.com/

https://bythemightymumford.wordpress.com/

https://piratepatty.wordpress.com/

 

Lastly, I was published on SpillWords again. You can read my poem, Dear Casket, With Scenes Of Romance, here. http://spillwords.com/dear-casket-with-scenes-of-romance/

The Mystery Blogger Award: Thank You Ivy!

 

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I had a fairly low-key week. In between social events (SEE, I can do this), studying for the GED, and daily life I was nominated for two awards this week by two awesome bloggers and published on SpillWords again. Firstly, I was nominated for the Mystery Blogger Award by Ivy over at https://thedepthofmylove.wordpress.com/2017/01/25/the-mystery-blogger-award/. The award was created by the fabulous and beautiful https://okotoenigma.wordpress.com/

Thanks Ivy and Okoto, YOU ROCK!

The rules:

  • Display award on blog
  • List rules
  • Mention creator of the award & provide link
  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link
  • Say three things about yourself
  • Nominate 10 to 20 other bloggers
  • Notify nominees by commenting on their blog
  • Answer five questions from your nominee
  • Write five questions for your nominees to answer
  • Share your best post

Things about me? Call Of Duty III: Black Ops 3 is my favorite game ever, I’ve been a Chiefs fan eight years (and counting), and my only kiss came fifteen years ago (I was two at the time)…

My best post(s)

https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/2017/01/18/an-aspergians-chemical-romance/

https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/2016/10/01/ferris-wheels-and-stars/

My nominees are

https://myrandomrantings.com/

https://aspierudegirl.wordpress.com/

https://amileinmyshoes.co

https://thestorytellersabode.com/

https://dorindaduclos.com/

https://talesofbelle.com/

https://thedefinitionsite.wordpress.com/

https://polishingdookie.wordpress.com/

https://thatgirl4everblog.wordpress.com/

https://quirkyshine.wordpress.com/

And to answer Ivy’s questions

  1. What is the dream you most want to achieve?

It’s a tie between publishing a book, and being in love. Everybody talks about how amazing it is. I’d like to feel it once. If only once. At the same time, publishing a book is the pinnacle for a writer. Maybe I’ll get both (?)

2. If you’ve ever been in love, what was it like? If you’ve had your first kiss, what was it like? If not, what is your favorite dessert?

Being in love is spooning a quart sized container of cookie dough ice cream while watching all the latest Star Trek movies in one night

3. What do you do when no one’s watching? (Not in a creepy way 😅)

When nobody’s watching, I’m usually writing. I hate writing in front of people.

4. What is a really embarrassing moment you’ve had

There’s a few, but the most painful is that one time I blew off this girl. We were playing the park and I wasn’t very polite when we were done. I never saw her again.

5. What book that was assigned to you to read by a teacher did you most enjoy reading?

I don’t know. The books I read kinda lump together in my mind. I’m always reading, and I haven’t had a formal “class” in a while.

My five questions for you:

  1. Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton?
  2. What impact did Barack Obama leave on you?
  3. How is 2017 going so far?
  4. What’s the last book you read?
  5. How would you make this blog better?

 

A Little Autistic Tear

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I’ve got a little tear

and it just won’t dry

I’ve got a little tear

that blinds my eyes

I open the door

and what do I see?

All the jokes and laughter

does anyone like me?

I’ve opened this door

many times before

but to everyone

I’m nothing but a bore

I try to act normal

hoping I’ll fit in

but all spectrumites know

that’s our cardinal sin

I just want to be liked

just waiting to be loved

I’ve waited a long time

and others like me?

Twice as long as I

But that doesn’t wipe away

this little tear of mine

and it never will

not until I die

I can write about love

until my hands no longer write

but until I really have it

I just won’t feel right

I see teens like me

moving away, moving along

while I quietly fill notebooks

with this Aspergian song

maybe it’s fate

destiny

to never know what it’s like

to be loved by someone

and live in a home with me

I see others with families

children catching up to me

while I tighten my coat

and refuse to smile, even weakly

I can’t deny, I can’t pretend

that I hate and love

this thing I have

this thing I am

but if ignore my calling

then I will be damned

I write everyday, many times

so you can see

this life of mine

nobody can say they don’t know about Aspergers

after they’ve heard of me

and no one can ever say

we’ve got it easy

and it’s not supposed to be easy

it’s meant to be hard

but by playing a part

character is built

and courage is made

I need it

we need it

to do this everyday

 

An Aspergian’s Letter To That Special Girl

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This poem is the word manifestation of a dream about what it would be liek to propose to that special girl….

 

Riding into town

songs of the sea in my ear

checking the glove box

admiring the cure of my fear

Mere miles

feel like a single step

for even an inkling of her

makes my lungs skip a breath

Every face

I’ve ever passed

is forgotten

in a lightning flash

And I’m not even prepared

I haven’t the foggiest idea of what to say

I just know the act

will blow Annaliese away

Sweeping her off her feet

isn’t necessary

when you know each other

the way a fish knows the sea

Never in my life

has my life ridden on two words

and no matter what she says

I’ll love her every word

I just want her

to make the right choice

because if not

we’ll be screaming at our interior voices

for years to come

we’ll live in torment, not peace

and thus ruining

this lease of love

 

Drowning In Aspergian Love On A Rain Soaked Hill

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Standing on the highest hill, she never asked why we came

I only mentioned sunset, how I could watch them again and again

Rushing out the door, I had forgotten to check the forecast

And standing in the open space, the sky became overcast

I felt stupid for being so careless

But she didn’t mind, being together, our hearts were weightless

On this planet of euphoric love, gravity did not exist

And the sweet air from her lips was my daily breath

and my bread, her body, perfect in every way

But as the rain fell harder, I felt the day had been ruined

“I don’t care about the rain, I’m happy right now, seeing you again”

Putting her hand in mine, angels may have well stopped time

because this love comes from a special place, the divine

Trinity as her name

and closed eyes in love

can see underneath, around, and above

I knew she was perfect

worth more than anything I ever knew

and inconsistent moans

gave a perfect view of the life I gave away

when I kissed her harder and harder that day

slumping in my arms

legs weak with pleasure

and arms trembling in ecstasy

there was no other

who could reach in me

so deeply

(My record for most likes on a single post is 76. Can this post hit 77? I’d love it if it could!)

Aspergian Flashback: Short, White Plaid Skirt and Knee High Socks

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(This poem is less about the attire, and more about the girl in the attire. Much of my life is flashbacks, mostly of things I wish I did but didn’t…)

Tongue tied

in so many knots

mind wrapped around

hundreds of thoughts

I lose control

of my actions

hand flapping, foot stamping

and to the “normal”, many more inappropriate reactions

I just want

to share my words

and let these voices,

beautiful muses of a teenage heart, be heard

Most times

I say it in my head

but by silence

in silence, I’m led

If I was allowed one word

it would be “slow”

because one, constant speed

is all I know

I fly

by faces

and race

through places

because

any minute more

and I begin to wet the floor

with dreams

I’ll never see

and that girl

Oh, she’s only make believe

short, white plaid skirt and knee high socks

fading in the wind

over that pretty heart shaded by a grey hoodie

I’ll never win

I just want

to be seen for me

even if I present

weirdly

 

Donald Trump Is Just A Puppet

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(While some of you may be angry, saddened, or disappointed at the election of Donald Trump, this is to let you know there are far bigger problems. He is just puppet in the grand scheme. I’m not pro-Trump or anti-Trump, but I am pro-truth.)

Having a second thoughts

about being American

Not talking about birthplace

or the black race

but what really

makes up this place

that we call home

where democracy reigns

what does it mean

to be free

when are lied to everyday

and we cannot see

that the “truth” poured upon us

is nothing but a lie

in every way

they say 9/11 was a tragedy

an attack on American values

I guess the white house

thought oil was more important

than all those lives that were lost

let me tell you

that the “war on terror”

doesn’t exist

it’s just a power trip

to keep you bewitched

keeping you thinking that Muslims

need a crucifix

these “extremists”

are cookie-cutter cutouts

of the USA’s sellout

to keep your heads down

as the real world goes around

There’s no “war”

there’s no Al Queda

and Russia’s no more of a threat to us

than baby girls were to China

Putin’s pissed

and Trump’s rich

while Clinton acts like

she knows what being black is

I know a lot of you

are surprised at what I’ve said

but I only write

so the truth can be led to you

and I wish I knew

more than what I do

but thank CNN

NBC

and Facebook

stealing our lives

our children

now who’s the real crook?

When they slay their own

to enrich their own

put your hand

over your heart

land of the un-free

home of the slave

for your life is worth barrels

the price has been paid

I just want

to share information

it’s up to you

to demand reformation

 

 

An Aspergian’s Chemical Romance

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No backstory, just one of the hardest poems I’ve ever written 😦

Every day

is a battle for unclaimed ground

and most times

the anguish of defeat

is the only sound heard

Every night

I try to hold on to inches

the struggle, the fight

sometimes lasts a sentence

my heartbeat

that faded away a long time ago

unresponsive to love

even a smile, I barely know

every breath is a snow day

trapped inside

poisoned lungs

a chemical romance

between fear and anxiety bred

from failed relationships

you don’t her face

you never heard her laugh

you don’t why her leaving

broke me

made me crash

I flew through twin towers

addiction with conviction

every breath lost

I gained in moments

breathing harder

I went back farther

every climax

brought her back

don’t tell me

what to do

faced with that kind

of lost love

you’d do it too

I ever had anyone

to call friend

until she pressed send

and since

the dents in this titanium heart

are more visible

than ever before

once more, I open this door

let in the rushing wind

and bitter winter air

I deserve it

yes, it’s only fair

she’ll punish me

every time I try to win her back

but she’s too far away

and I’ve fallen inside

the black

I took a chance

a dare

didn’t know

where I was going

far away from home

into an unknown

guided by

an invisible hand

I was treated to a brief stay

we came close

so close

I wished to stay by her side

to love her, call her mine

the time felt right

thought I was old enough

knew what I was doing

little did I realize, I wasn’t the one doing the choosing

we split apart

for unknown reasons

you could ask the seasons

you could ask the sky

but they won’t tell me why

I hate myself

throwing away a beautiful girl

stupid me

stupid me

I haven’t come close since

I haven’t even tried

scared to lose another

my  tendencies, I can’t smother