I Was Mortified, Now I’m Fortified

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Earlier this month, I came out with a terrible confession

I was addicted to porn. (https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/02/to-heaven-god-nobody-or-anyone-listening/)

There wasn’t a day I couldn’t not watch it, and much of my thoughts were dedicated to finding ways to watch it. But suddenly, I had a breakthrough.

I thought about everyone I was hurting. People I didn’t know. You. People I did. Me. It broke me, it crushed me, and it made me want to change. I learned what it does to relationships, to the brain, and how it’s destroying the lives of so many in this world. If we are all connected, then I’ve had a hand in the suffering of millions.

That’s a devastating feeling, but with prayer, dedication, and the encouragement from you, I’ve started to turn.

I’ve gone twenty-two straight days without surfing porn, and I’ve barely thought about it. I don’t feel the need to look it up, and that’s the biggest victory. The urge is gone, and I’m spending more time reading and writing. All the things porn was taking from me, I’m getting back. I’m feeling stronger, mentally and physically. I’m looking at women, sex, and relationships differently. I feel stronger in what I believe, and I’m more confident than ever. This time last year, I would’ve never thought I’d go a day without porn, but nearly a month? God is good,ย and he works in incredible ways.

Thank you, KELLY ELIZABETH for sharing this hope with me!

(This is a poem I wrote before joining the Fortify program)

Closed

and quiet

Motionless

not trying to fight it

Fire

expended

Mind

winded

Trying to explain

how I feel

How I’m not in control

my wacked-out brain is at the wheel

I try to be normal

but I always fail

I try to make friends

but the lies name the trail

I try to speak out

but I am silenced

by the power

and I just can’t fight it

Maybe I’m not strong enough

because I’m too weak minded

or maybe I’m just unlucky

and I need to find it

 

ย 

 

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