Earlier this month, I came out with a terrible confession
I was addicted to porn. (https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/2016/12/02/to-heaven-god-nobody-or-anyone-listening/)
There wasn’t a day I couldn’t not watch it, and much of my thoughts were dedicated to finding ways to watch it. But suddenly, I had a breakthrough.
I thought about everyone I was hurting. People I didn’t know. You. People I did. Me. It broke me, it crushed me, and it made me want to change. I learned what it does to relationships, to the brain, and how it’s destroying the lives of so many in this world. If we are all connected, then I’ve had a hand in the suffering of millions.
That’s a devastating feeling, but with prayer, dedication, and the encouragement from you, I’ve started to turn.
I’ve gone twenty-two straight days without surfing porn, and I’ve barely thought about it. I don’t feel the need to look it up, and that’s the biggest victory. The urge is gone, and I’m spending more time reading and writing. All the things porn was taking from me, I’m getting back. I’m feeling stronger, mentally and physically. I’m looking at women, sex, and relationships differently. I feel stronger in what I believe, and I’m more confident than ever. This time last year, I would’ve never thought I’d go a day without porn, but nearly a month? God is good, and he works in incredible ways.
Thank you, KELLY ELIZABETH for sharing this hope with me!
(This is a poem I wrote before joining the Fortify program)
not trying to fight it
Trying to explain
how I feel
How I’m not in control
my wacked-out brain is at the wheel
I try to be normal
but I always fail
I try to make friends
but the lies name the trail
I try to speak out
but I am silenced
by the power
and I just can’t fight it
Maybe I’m not strong enough
because I’m too weak minded
or maybe I’m just unlucky
and I need to find it