September 28, 2016: An Aspergian’s Reflection

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THREE DAYS AND COUNTING.

Just three days till I leave for California, and I’m very excited. Not for the beaches ( I hate water), or the girls (we’ve been down this road), but for the experience. I’ll be going cross country and seeing so much of the beauty this country has to offer. I’m giddy at the thought of what I’m going to write.

Honestly, that’s how I look at most things I do. “Can I turn this into a poem?” is, seriously, one of the first things I think about before I do something. It mays seem crazy, but that’s how I think. Even if it’s something that I hate (like going somewhere where I know there will be lots of people), sometimes I can make myself go if I can get some prose out of it. Whatever gets you through, right?

Anyway, about this poem. I wrote this after a particularly rough day and I felt like dying. I don’t know what happened, or what was said, I was just having a sad day. A lot of times, when I’m having bad days, I have to just sit down and reflect. Sometimes my reflection makes me sadder (and yet happier, because I’ve recognized the problem, which s0metimes is sadder than what I was already sad about), but other times it takes me somewhere else entirely. I think this is one of those moments….

 

Let me start first

by saying

I never quite understood your thirst

for wanting to be alone

You have a sister, a brother

A struggling father, yes,

but an ever-dependable mother

and not just a house, but a home

Maybe the neighborhood wasn’t the best

True, but I can think of worse

At least you had a place to rest

without the words “city” or “county” attached to it

You were kinda banged up

I remember the wheelchairs, the endless white sheets

You hung tough

and it made me better, made you better

You didn’t know who you were

Tried to find it in

videos and pictures of her

and everywhere besides where you should

Now, let me apologize

because much of what you saw

were lies

and yet you were never convinced

There was a spark in you

a desire, a light

that came on in you

and I wanted you to let it shine

I made you

go to broadcasting camp

even though we both knew

you’d never make it

I made you

take voice lessons

even though we knew

you were flat

You failed at these

(This you know)

When you failed to see

I had to help you

Your ears started to open

You started to get it

As the words kept flowin’

You started the football blog

You loved to read

I made sure of it

because this skill you would need

very, very soon

One morning you wanted to be

a writer

And I could see

the clouds parting above you

So you went to writers camp

found your niche

and left unsure of your impact, your stamp

but that’s okay, you’re getting started

You started writing

and you loved it

New things you started trying

like fiction, some didn’t work

Aspergers, you used to hate

but three award-winning pieces later

you see how much you can relate

when you let yourself go

You attended writers camp again

this time, with a little fire

You had your own little spin,

because I was controlling your top

Let the emotions flow,

no matter how they come out

Let your anxiety go,

for once!

This was your last year

You left your mark

all-in-all conquering fear

How I love how much you’ve changed

From this shy,

reclusive teen

who’s overwhelming response, to cry

and wish to die

To someone

who knows who he is, what he can do

and no one

can take his joy

Okay, you’re still shy

reclusive, and quiet

but now you know why

and you’re okay with that, now

You’re still ways away

and that might discourage you

but I’ll be there, whenever you pray

Don’t let that escape you

Don’t be afraid

and don’t worry about that girl

She’ll find you some day

just trust me, like you used to

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7 Replies to “September 28, 2016: An Aspergian’s Reflection”

  1. You’re still ways away
    and that might discourage you
    but I’ll be there, whenever you pray
    Don’t let that escape you
    Don’t be afraid
    and don’t worry about that girl
    She’ll find you some day
    just trust me, like you used to.

    This moved me to tears. Wow. It feels like a warm embrace for a tired heart and soul. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 3 people

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