An Aspergian’s Thoughts On His Fears


I wrote this while I was sitting at Westfield Mall in Annapolis, Maryland. As you’d expect from me, I hate malls because I hate crowds. There’s too many people, and there’s too much commotion. My family can’t stand it, because they expect me to shop and be functional, but when I get into a mall I completely lose all sense of personality and I shrivel up into a cold, heartless mirage.

I wrote about girls because, well, it’s a mall, and there’s tons of them. What makes this especially difficult is that many of them remind me of a friend I lost. I see her in them, and it’s just difficult to deal with. People who don’t (and do) know me wouldn’t understand, because I do a good job of not talking about these things. Some of said aspergians are selfish in that regard, so I try not to say too much. Yet, here I am, pouring out what I feel so deeply, yet will probably never have.

On to the poetry…



she’s coming

I can’t understand

her loving

Her eyes

are searching

for a heart

that’s beating

for a hand

that’s leading

for a touch

that’s begging

My eyes are looking

off in the distance

My hand is rigid


My touch

is of fists

My heart breaks

when I see her

and I’d never say

the words

I’m not afraid of her

but I am of what wasn’t heard

I’m listening

and thinking all at once

of how to express

this crazy love

So many thoughts

going through this oddly wired mind

that I forget that I’m

wasting your time

So you think

I’m ignoring you

and I

forget to respond to you

We all

end up upset



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