You’re Not The Only One

Empty and vague

Crashing with rage

I’m sorry, but I just can’t turn the page

Scars and sinister, our past keeps up

Mars and Venus, we’re polar opposites

Yet we’re in the same galaxy

Somebody’s lying

Because the impasse rubs us the wrong way

I can’t speak to you the same way

You’re ashamed of me

Rightfully, almost

I went to far, asking for what isn’t mine

This ocean is wide, but I tread shallow waters

And came up gasping near death

Because you cause my short breath

Because you make my whole life swim

Because you make me fall back in awe

Of the love in your age

Eagerly writing life on pages

So empty, and ready to be consumed

By this energy

By this all-consuming will

The chase is a thrill

But every high has a low

And when you say no

It’s buzzkill

And I reflect on what I’ve done

I reflect on the moon and sun

The space they occupy, the time they contain

And I realize, in contempt of all underneath

You’re not the only one

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Hey Lea, I’m Sorry

The ceiling fan spins

aromas of white wine and fresh flowers

around a quiet abode, one small room

fingers tapping the edge of linen tablecloth

the boy, waiting for his one

and the door doesn’t knock

the grass freshly cut from the morning

and bushes neatly trimmed

might still cling to sweat from the work

to make this day last long past the night

shoving the introvert deep, without a fight

he asks to have one night to himself

and the mind doesn’t knock

it knows how big this could be

he smiles in the mirror, potentially

life changing

breath taking

not the lemon scented dish soap

although that was quite a hit last year

tonight, though, conquers a different fear

it’s easy to love when she’s far

but when she’s near, the pace is escalated

the weight is pressurized and shrunk

into the size of two lips

the time ticks

and the door is silent as the cold

drifting over him

the tease, the torture

changes into something rare

hands running frantic through hair

did I fail in appealing

or in appealing

did I show you something about me

that was broken, leaking

I’m sorry you didn’t open the door

I did

and the most prepared of us

was the least qualified

What We Really Need, Now More Than Ever

I hear you down in Florida today

So many cries coming from everywhere

It’s just not fair, I can live to see the night

And others more worthy

Struck by a bullet,

Taken from this incredible life

And I cannot look away

Even though I should

Because I am ashamed

At the bullets that rain

At the bullet point pain

Etched in their faces, rivulets in their eyes

They were just children, stolen from their time

Not forgotten in these lines

But to their parents and loved ones

It’s a void they’ll never fill, and it shouldn’t

Lives shredded and ruined

17 times we’ve gotten the chance to do better

and for the 18th, we blew it

Just like those children who looked at their killer

Their killer is not Nikolas Cruz

Their killer is you

Arguing over Trump and race

While killers take aim and fire at our children

In a supposed place of learning

Their eyes are burning from the flame

Watching friends, teachers die

The bullets fly, the breath flies

Out of lungs and nostrils

Into the ground below

Joy Behar may not know

That there’s something beyond us all

That can save us from the fall

And it’s okay to communicate with him

But I do

And I chose to because I am human

I don’t know everything, I can’t solve anything

Without the touch of the creator’s hand

And that brings me joy

Knowing we’re not alone

When death’s closing in, when we’re falling in

A vicious cycle comatose humanity

Chooses to exist in

There’s hope for better

Their eyes are wetter, the police has fervor

But this nation really needs a prayer

Maybe two

So I will look away

And look to the one who can right the wrong

The right way

Never Believing In You

I will never believe again

because change will come

throwing all your heart and soul

into the winds, into the empty books

of a time we know nothing about

the rivers swallow our children,

and the seas suffocate the sick

fate is on a rout, we scream

fate is on a rout, in this fever dream

that has no awakening, only slumber

as the very fabric of our reality is torn asunder

no chance to repent, no rapture

just the plates shifting beneath our feet

as we finally meet our master

the gods of today don’t suffice in any way

the gods of today are steel and clay

they turn off when we’re done with our play

the gods of today will ignite in the fray

human flesh has been torn

mothers kill children already born

we sell our sons and daughters into porn

for scorn, and our sensitivities and delights

for a taste of a fraction’s fraction of life

are placed above humanity and the rights

to the life we did not create, and therefore

have no say in whether it lives or dies

yet, we stand firm

and believe things will never change

I will never believe anything again

I will never believe

you again

I Don’t Have You Cause I Don’t Have Love

I don’t

Have a valentine

Haven’t for almost nineteen years

How do I seem to come up short

Howling into the night with these words

Doesn’t seem to change the future

Typing, crunching, cradling these words

Only seems to push them away

I smile in their direction, and they laugh it off

I write their names in plain sight

I’ve used your name, short but sweet

Us could be a dream

Us could be a mirage

Us is a mirror of you and me

Separate but equal

Broken but whole

We’re staring into the aisle at our future

We’re staring into the aisle at our past

Don’t let it go, time moves so fast

Let it go, we’re fading into the future

Let us go, we’re falling apart

Let me go, I don’t deserve any of your part

I don’t have

Because I don’t love

-D

Sometimes I Pile On For No Good Reason

College classes

crinkly bus passes

don’t slide through the machine

but graduation’s the dream

so I stick it in, shove it through

like the words of pain I push by you

they were rammed in me

long before I could breathe, long before

I could see

and now I see life’s not as hard

as I thought it might be

my crippling depression crawling back

to the shithole from whence it came

and the anxiety’s shooting like the drugs

I took, losing feeling in arms and legs

I get high from the words I write and say

cause I am afraid of the outside

and the future is cause for concern

I’m gonna be a loner, aren’t I?

I don’t know how to make small talk

but I try

I don’t know how to make friends

but I try

cause nobody cares what you can’t

only what you can

some give out a helping hand

others give heaping helpings of hell

wrap it in plastic and charge a hella price

and I don’t buy it

because I make my own destiny

I don’t need equal representation

I’m represented enough by the good inside of me

that comes out in my hands and in these words

you see the gratitude inside of me

or the hate

and the violence of a past I love to remember

the angst is the my fuel and I can’t surrender

cause if I do he wins

and I don’t enjoy losing

A Clear Mind For Now

Clearing my mind

by putting more in it

an empty mind can be had

by anyone, by any way

and I’m already tormented enough

when push comes to shove

and I think I’ve given enough

I think

about how others like me

before me

never gave up

made excuses

but channeled an inner strength

nameless

but the greatest

and suddenly, I’m climbing the mountain

and I see the summit

I see all the ones before me

in the resting place

they’ve been here for centuries

but their gratitude never waned

and now one more is welcomed

one more

what a blessed day

Our Prisons

Freezing rain

Bleeding rain

Can’t put out the

Boiling pain

Bleeding pain

Can’t wash away the

Bitter tears

Bleeding tears

Can’t fill the

Empty lakes

Empty praise

Watches the breath fade away

Watching these lives fall away

Can’t fill the crater

Fancy cars and pretty girls can’t fill the crater

Left by the sins of the father

Right by the sins of the mother

Are the angels coming to purify

Are the demons coming to purify

Yes

And no

Where Do We Start

I should have let you in

they say

I should have loved you back

she prayed

I should have kissed your festering wounds

as we lay

twisting and twirling in the murky waters

they say

I shouldn’t make much of blinking lights

at two-thirty

I shouldn’t make much of your absence

in my times of need

they say

oh does the bastard cry out in agony

the universe admits he is nothing and no one

the waters of his mother are forever cursed

for ever bearing such decadent devilry

I should keep quiet when there was another

and there were many

they say

I should love you for who you are

but what makes a woman

the phallic object on which she orgasms

or the ecstasy of common sense

rescuing her from certain doom

and her ability to listen to her deepest wills

they say

you couldn’t be a better wife

broken from a young age

eager to shred her many pages

and when I showed up

her faith was scattered abroad

they said and say

but now I’m speaking

and I know you can be better

when I took the remains

the discards of a punished damsel

I added hints of me

and upon this scroll of time

I wrote something new

something beautiful

you are not who loves you

you are not who hates you

you are what you love

you are what you hold dear

something beautiful

something beautiful

is you